The numbers are getting higher and the stakes are also getting higher! Rob Nanninga Lion Nine of the multiples has arrived on November 1, 2018. He too is absolutely stunning! ❤️
The first thing that caught my eye was hís eye, one of two especially stands out. It’s very big and beautiful. And he quite literally jumped in my arms like he were moving by himself and lay tight and determined to my chest. I swear he keeps himself to me like that, no way on God’s green earth is he considering to let go, in an extremely strong force that is reminiscent of two magnets that stick together. This lovestory is still getting bigger and stronger! This ninth lion is hungry, figuratively speaking, but sometimes also literally. Eager (to be in my arms) is also a very good word to describe him. This is one strong-willed lion. He’s royally Hungry.
Click on and through the photos or swipe (depending on the device you use).
THE sweetest! Are you done yet, drooling all over the place? Well no, and that will not happen too! Rob, Bor, through the lions, still the greatest, most magical love story from here and there. Pure magic, such that it is worthy of a university title! Imagine my surprise, that academic rank doesn’t exist yet. So with this, I give dearest Rob and the dearest lions the scientific title of MAGICIAN, abbreviated to Rob, MG (Ician). Such an enormously high level of love, support, devotion and magical perfection deserves this.
Magician Rob Lion arriving on April 12, 2018! Number 8, making the Septuplet an Octuplet!
I purchased him on April 9, 2018, so he was quick to come home to me. On arrival day and while unwrapping him, his name popped up immediately, “The Magician”! 🎩 🎇
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On the day he arrived, I went for a cycling spin later that day, and Magician Rob was immediately at it, because I found 5 very worn-down one-dollar coins – nowadays no usual payment currency – lying on the middle of a road in Vacaville. They were so worn down I just assumed they were Quarters. Later I read in Wikipedia that this is a common mistake. I decided to take them home anyway. At home I found out they were one dollar each. Close to the spot I found the coins, I found a winning scratcher (lottery ticket) worth $3. During cycling I often pick up CA Lottery scratchers for a “2nd Chance” online. Most people just throw them out after they see it’s not a winning ticket. Also with this, I only discovered when I was home that it was a winning lottery ticket. I just put it in my bike bag, assuming it was a non-winning scratcher. This made the total value of found money $5 +$3= $8. Like in, right, Octuplet 🎱.
Forever linked together, Rob and me, a picture is worth a thousand words, and this picture says it all. 🖇
tl;dr – 2017 has been a year far beyond extreme, and it continues to be so in 2018. Rob, the plush lions and me: a cosmic roar in the here and now and in a multiverse without end. My marriage with J ended: I’m divorced.
tl;dr Rob made me realize that I didn’t have a good marriage. Rob also made me realize that I was clinging to this marriage, whereas I should have let go. And so I did let go, albeit after Rob’s passing.
More than a year has passed and it has been a constant roar. And 2018 also shows no signs of decline. I’ll be looking back on 2017 as a year of staggering extremes, constant, especially nightly, ecstasy, even much more than in 2016, and a year of big changes. Like I mentioned before, to me, this bonding with Rob is no fling and has profound impact on my life. Few understood, perhaps even none. And I have to wonder if anybody ever will. By the time you read this blog, my former husband J and I have officially divorced under US law, that requires a minimum of six months and a one day for it to be in effect, so significantly longer than in my country of birth, the Netherlands. It has even taken up ten months.
As I see it, after his passing Rob showed me the way out of this marriage. J and I were never a match to begin with. From the beginning our relationship was bound to lose. The separation didn’t happen overnight and was in fact a very slow, organic process. While Rob was still alive on Earth, he was my hope, my beacon. When he passed away, I was confronted with the immensity of his leaving. My hope seemed crushed, my world glaringly empty. My soulmate was moving even further away. First he was a half-globe away, now he was, who knows where!, but more than a world away, or so it seemed. But then, suddenly, he wasn’t, quite opposite, he returned to me and arrived at my home, in astral form, by lack of a scientifically sound word. I would almost say: by the grace of God, if I would have believed in “God”. It is without any doubt the best “thing” that ever happened to me and “out of this world”.
I once wrote Rob, “I can’t leave J, I love him too.” I shouldn’t have said the part about the not being able to leave J, because now I regret it. I should have left J while Rob was still alive, even if Rob would have chosen his longtime girlfriend Jolanda over me. Rob did write to me, “I hope I don’t have to move and to America I’ll probably never go”:
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Rob had thought about him and me and we even had a short “fight” over it, causing a troubled break-up in our contact, but his behavior wasn’t very obvious. Rob was always moving like a turtle, slow and precautious, his sign language always very subtle.
However, the tide had come and the ship had sailed. Rob was now on “the other side”. He was like moving in with me, through the lions, with all his love, tenderness and support, his immense caring, his never letting go, especially in my darkest hours that would follow in the turbulent years after his passing. In my thoughts I said to Rob, and I still repeat it, “Rob, you have free access to my entire mind and body. Do what you want with me.” I trust Rob completely!
J and I had no modus vivendi anymore and we in fact never did have a proper one. To start with something positive though. Our best, most harmonious and true fun hours were the hours that we watched old TV series together, snuggled cozy together on the couch or on a mattress installed specially for the occasion in front of the computer screen. We watched hundreds of episodes (all seasons) of them, such as Little House On The Prairie and Knight rider, and tons of movies downloaded through The Pirate Bay too. We also had a subscription to the cinema and went to watch all the new movies. We did share almost an identical taste in movies and old TV series. These were the hours that no further communication was needed.
But in the hours that communication was required, it went as wrong as it could go wrong. From the start this resulted in severe, very unsavory escalations about which I will not give any further details, but they regularly put me on the brink of nervous breakdown causing real physical side effects as well. Sometimes I told J about it, but in no way did he acknowledge me or my very troubled state of mind and body. It always seemed that a) he didn’t listen and b) he didn’t hear a thing I was saying. And on several life events, both physically and spiritually, when I needed J the most, he wasn’t there for me. Keywords: – trouble in Scheveningen sea!, – Very severe, even as far as to my forehead expanded molar infection, the time it took my body to fully recover was about three years, – Robbert van den Broeke and Stan and – Rob Nanninga.
I didn’t tell anybody, except a fraction of it to my sweet Dutch neighbor Babs Jol. She passed away rather young at the age of 60, in December 2016. But since Rob’s passing, I was following an alternate heartbeat altogether. Our marriage had become empty, and since a couple of years already, J’s affection towards me seemed to decrease. He pulled away from me, our physical and spiritual contact slipping away faster every day. Our contact, based on past events, didn’t seem to be able to behold a future anymore.
After Rob’s passing, I finally acknowledged that my heart belonged to Rob, and to Rob only. I felt like cheating on him with J, apologizing about it to Rob in my mind. But it seemed Rob totally understood and gave me all the time I needed, a couple of years, to unravel the whole mess I had gotten myself into. Still I have to ponder what would have happened, if I had left J before Rob’s passing.
Since his passing in 2014 it seems I am living with Rob in some kind of parallel, or multiverse world. In Lion Hearts III, I already mentioned the fact that Rob was started to call himself “Bor” in some of his mails after seeing the movie “Another Earth” (2011):
He began to call himself “Bor” in the signing of some of his emails since November 8, 2011. When I asked him if he had seen the movie “Another Earth” about two earths, he told me he hadn’t seen it yet, but after receiving my email about it, in the meantime he had, and concluded his email with the name “Bor”. The emails thus ending with this “parallel-world name” were the e-mails in which he was most laid back. I don’t know if he used this name in emails to me only.
The idea of a second, twin or Counter-Earth is not the same as the concept of a Parallel or Multiverse world. The two concepts do have in common that they both suggest that strange things are going on in our universe, and that there’s much more than meets the eye.
In my mind’s eye I see how Rob and I are together in this other world (and it’s still here too somehow), in a thousand different and happy situations. A reoccurring mind movie while cycling, is seeing Rob, with a homely apron tied around, faithfully cooking diner for the both of us at our home, while I am getting hungry after hours of cycling. I have been cycling a lot this year too, for mostly four to six hours, sometimes even up to eight hours straight. In my mind, I see Rob, lovingly waiting for me to return home to him. I see him and me in a normal civil life, but one exalted to the best level imaginable.
And in another way, in the night time, I am living with Rob too. Maybe the fact that J and I were never sleeping in one bedroom together (except for on holiday trips, in a tent or hotel) is a telling fact. I wanted it that way, because of my very sensitive nightlife, me being a very light sleeper and an astral traveler. J even learned to appreciate this “freedom”. In terms of alienation we now know whereto this sleeping apart has led. But with Rob it is the other way around. I would certainly like to sleep with Rob in one bed. My bed (and -room) is filled with the plush Rob lions every night and I snuggle extremely close to him and them (and he and they to me), and I know I this is what it would be like with the physical Rob too. The way I see it, and I hope it’s true, is that Rob and I, forced by the very unusual circumstances, have taken to very creative measures, and are indeed living together like this now.
Every time, especially while cycling, when I smell smoking chimneys or just plain California burning, the smell picks me up, reminding me of happy times with Rob in this “parallel world”, and I inhale deeply, seeing the two of us snuggle together at a campfire.1
My choice to live in California was the appropriate one, because fire is what you will smell out here, 2017 being no exception to the rule. In this year, fires blowing over from Napa County made a deep impact on all surround counties, like Solano and Yolo County, where I live. So lots of chances to connect with Rob here through the smell of fire.
To illustrate this, I will give you some photos I made while cycling in 2017, and yes, I am even loving this intense heat level:
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J didn’t respond to my blogs about Rob after his passing. Even years before his passing I talked about Rob sometimes, trying to level with J, but then too, found no listening ear. Communication-wise I always was extremely scarcely endowed in this marriage. I myself failed to reach out to friends. I made my own prison. To me it almost seemed it was J or the outer world, not J and the outer world, so I went through this all alone. The opposite of J’s “listening ear” seemed true: J ricochetted my speech in general. I could have fired a thousand canons for almost fifteen years long, which in facto I did , but there was no response, or be it a negative one. I often tried to explain to J what he communication-wise was doing to me, but he didn’t acknowledge it, or sometimes he did, but then with a tone of voice that said: I don’t care. Regularly he even literally said that, “I don’t care”. Being a magpie by nature, I felt muzzled. Finally, I gave up. In the past, with other people, I was perfectly or at least averagely able to communicate normally, but J just couldn’t do it. His version will be that he felt overwhelmed or even intimidated by my strong opinions and/or personality (?). We were no match altogether.
I tried to save this marriage. In fact, I shouldn’t have. At night, for many years, I had a truly incredible amount of nightmares about J and me, and told him about them too sometimes, but then he simply said: “That’s your problem, not mine”. It was the same death-spell on my mind. In the end, when the separation díd happen, there were hardly any tears left in me. My countless nightmares and battles had prepared me. It was almost easy to let go, after many years of burden. This had ended organically, like a tree run out of water, its roots now so shallow, that in the end with one storm, it would fall flat to the face of this Earth, like a tree opposite my house actually did, in 2017 in a wind storm.
As I already mentioned in the previous blog, the last ten years left me stranded in all sorts of ways, job-wise too, because I seemed to have sunken into a swamp of not wanting or doing much anymore, except for cycling. For many hours I was just staring into space, and hours, days, weeks, and even years slipped by. To make this story a fair one, I must mention the fact that family genetics on my father’s side have a tendency toward depression and/or profundity, and I do indeed incline towards my father’s side, so this depression was not something new.The real difference with all other stages of my life was that I never slipped into total lethargy, into literally ánd figuratively living without the music. Before J, I had always remained active socially (job, friends and otherwise). But now I almost had fallen into a sure death of mind.
We stayed together because especially I didn’t want to give up on us. I think if there’s something to “blame” for this long marriage, it would be me, because on several occasions it became clear that J did want to give up. I always wondered if he loved me, he said he did, but I sincerely doubt it. I think I will never know for sure in this lifetime. I do love him very much and always have, and I vowed to myself to never do what my parents did: divorce. For the same reason I decided I wouldn’t bear any children in this lifetime, and I am still happy with my choice, because I wouldn’t want to lay a lifetime of separation issues on my own, now non-existing kids. Also, I always felt the present, extremely off-balance earth is unsuitable for “new” children.
So the marriage was lingering on, on stepping stones of true love and stubborn dedication on my side, but almost impossible to walk on, up to my Lion Hearts Parts IV of January 2017. Then, suddenly, J did awake, like a reversed Sleeping Beauty. Suddenly, he wanted out, and suddenly, he was gone.
Since Rob’s passing, as with a catalyst, I was moving away from J, like being lifted by a loving wave in a deep and roaring sea. There was no way I could have stood there any longer, not since Rob made something very clear to me: this what J and I had was nót a good relationship. No psychobabble could have freed me from my frantic holding on to my ideal about my marriage with J. Only Rob’s very palpable love at night, hence: deeds, not words, embracing me like a physical lover would, could and did lead me in the only right direction: away from this marriage.
J moved out of the house in June 2017. He told me he wanted to move on in that month too, by email. I mention this, because it shows how bad his communication was. He babysat the house of a colleague for a couple of weeks, and by the time that was done, he rented a room in Carmichael. My only option was to respond, albeit in a quite dazed state of mind, because the course of events had taken me by surprise anyway. J suddenly was in a big hurry to move away from me, in all ways thinkable, literally, relation wise and more.To me, it seemed he wanted to format me out of his life as quickly as possible and concrete did all kinds of things to accomplish that, too.
He darted into a new relationship very soon (like in July 2017 or so), even though he always said to me he would never do that, when in the past we sometimes did discuss a separation. His choice of (a) new partner(s) has been revealing to me. I guess I am way too serious, ponderous, linear and consequent and a too deep thinker to his likings. Maybe my blue eyes were too bright for his taste too (people always comment on it, that I have the most blue eyes), and he committed himself to someone who very clearly looks much more like him, both inner and outer. With me, he has felt like walking on his toes. So I think I finally understand.
But there’s more. While finishing this blog, I got an update on J’s “status” and he told me, just like that, standing in a local ATT, because we had to split up the mobile phones account, that he has three (sex) partners. Last year, finally responding to my love for Rob, after reading my Lion Hearts IV, he complained about Rob and me, whereas I never even met Rob and, in all those years, Rob never said one indecent word to me. And you could have read in my previous blogs, I was honest about my feelings for Rob. In 2012 I asked J’s permission to ask Rob to come visit me/us in the US (which he never did). In my marriage I have been very strict monogamous. Not always in thought, but in physical life 100%. So the next day after meeting him in the ATT, I emailed him and said something about this; J blaming me for Rob, and now he has three partners even before signing the final divorce papers? Let me quote him on his current “status” from the answer per email that followed (he didn’t say anything about Rob): “The moment we split up it was over between us, I am not going to waste another year of my life waiting for a piece of paper. So yes, I’ve had two hands full of sex partners since we split up, short relationships, one night stands, polyamorous relationships, friends with benefits..” His partners are polyamorous as well. Just to make sure, I looked up the definition of “friends with benefits”, because it sounded suspicious to me:
The Urban Dictionary on “Friends with benefits”
J plunged into libertinage about nine months before even signing the final divorce papers in March 2018. It’s strange, but my shrill and horrible nightmares about J almost always were about him not caring about me, running around behind my back with all kinds of others, but then, it didn’t happen. These nightmares about J have stopped, because since Rob passed away, I finally have let J go, Rob was the only one able to lead me away from this ailing marriage. Life works out real weird sometimes.
There were financial arrangements to be made, and a process of lawyers was initiated. Things between J and me got chillier along the way. I took up on two roommates, both UC Davis students, to help cover the high – as it always is in California – cost of the house I am living in. During our marriage, in a practical (like in computer, website or bicycle help) and financial way, J always was a most supportive partner. For many years in our relationship, he was the one earning the most money and for quite some years, especially the years in America, even the single-earner. He always was very generous about it and didn’t complain, even though I was a much bigger spender than he was. In retrospect, at all went sideways, not in the least in this aspect. The divorce has settled on a financial support of him for six years. So I am on slippery ice, but I guess, who isn’t?
Since the Summer of 2017 the house I am living in is occupied by three. I don’t know what I will be doing in the future, but I will be looking for a job.
I haven’t talked about this in public until now, because since 2012 I have a couple of very persistent, literally Stans, from “Stan”= stalker + fan, self-proclaimed medium Robbert van den Broeke and Stan (and his husband Alan). In the year Stan was born, 1989, I changed my own nickname from “Stan” to “Sten”, a fact that Stan discovered himself and often cited in his Stan-mails as proof that there is a cosmic purpose, or something like that, behind the “Robbert van den Broeke-Stan-Constantia connection”. I never responded to Stan about this before, but indeed, Stan, this is something very curious. I would never deny it. In no way however, Stan, this justifies (hate) mailing or obsessing like a broken record over me, like Robbert and you have been doing.
I knew if I would talk about my pending divorce on Twitter or elsewhere, my Stans would abuse the information and they would send me tons of email about just that. it is proven as fact Robbert and Stan spell out everything I say and do in public. Rob Nanninga had given Robbert van den Broeke something to remember for a lifetime. It goes by the name of the Genverbrander case. When Rob passed away, they were silent for a short while and then most horrific hate mail about Rob started coming in through Robbert van den Broeke’s mailbox, because Robbert knew about the Rob-Constantia connection. Rob is to them what I am to them, an adversary, and his passing was a major event to them. You can read more about this strange side story in my life elsewhere.
Screenshot YouTube: Stan (L) en Robbert van den Broeke (R)
Both men boast that they are extremely gifted clairvoyants, and they both have been mailing me like crazy in 2017 again, and continue to do so in 2018. Stan tends to be a funny one, often declaring his love to me, even mentioning a couple of times he’s “in love with me” and so often exclaiming “Ik mag je ondanks alles”, “I like you despite of everything”. A smooth talker of epic height like you never have seen or heard before. He even drags his husband Alan into it and to sing along.
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In many of their emails, clips and audios of 2017, and of 2018 too, Robbert van den Broeke and Stan talked about J and me, like we still were a married couple. Their clairvoyance does tend to be on the very foggy side, to say the least.
Anyway, this for ten months not talking in public about the divorce that was silently taking place, was the best way to proceed anyway. The reason I am talking right now, is because I sincerely want to explain where it fits in the story of Rob and me. I have given this much thought, and it still isn’t a slam dunk to me, whether or not to talk about my marriage at all, but I tend to feel justified, already having been totally silent about it for about fifteen years. If I don’t tell now, nobody will ever know or understand what happened. My former silence turned out to be an unhealthy thing. But it was good to wait a bit longer. I am even grateful to my Stans, because thanks to them, I had the wild sea unwind first and kept my lips firmly sealed.2 🤐
But now the year has passed, the deed is done, I am sailing with Rob. In fact, I had this wonderful mind image about this on May 29, 2017. I suddenly saw Rob and me on a very nice, old-fashioned boat, intensely happy next to each other, and on the bow, accompanying us, with an equal very happy smile, the Peace Rob Lion, the plush lion that means so much to me, as the other lions do.
Photo of paragraph in my big, fifth OBE notebook about Rob and me, and the “Peace Bor Lion”
Steered away from my marriage with J and extremely happy in Rob’s embrace, I do consider this life of mine as over. I cannot see myself with somebody else. I never looked forward to the possibility of getting old. It always has been an issue with me, even long before I met Rob, because for one, I always acknowledged the disastrous effects getting old has. In the last years I have seen it with both my parents too. I never understood why people are so eager to prolong their lives, to get “at least a hundred”, because Alzheimer’s and other diseases are known to be real fun spoilers.
Age-wise, I do hope I will take the same path as Rob, even though his earthly passing threw me into an abyss of pain. I consider his death-age as the right one for me too. It could even be younger. The high tide of my life is over and I certainly don’t want to wait decades to finally be able to reunite with Rob and so many other loved ones on “the other side” (other worlds). This life has been extremely intense, with, to name a few important things, my family, so many out-of-body experiences, relationships before I met J, divine bird love (that would be another story), and Rob, since I virtually met him, and the Rob/Bor lions. And I have had a wonderful time in California already. The cycling has been an extreme blessing, and nobody can ever take that away from me. It’s in the pocket so to speak.
However, I seem too healthy to die relatively young, caused by my wish to stay in shape, cycling and gym, not smoking, being vegan et cetera. I hope it happens anyway and I hope I have struck a deal with “the cosmos” in this respect. Speaking about health, and since this blog is on the confessional side of things, I confess I have been a daily painkiller user (Excedrin Tension Headache Aspirin-Free, common name: paracetamol with extra strength caffein) and energy drink addict (in the USA: Rockstar) my complete adult life, since the age of seventeen. I am convinced this need for paracetamol and caffein is caused by my severe allergies. Both are really helping me to relieve some of my complaints, though I have to consume more than what would be considered wise. My lifelong allergy medicine Ebas, though very helpful, just doesn’t do it on its own. In Davis, I have to use a multiple of what I used in the Netherlands, because the air quality here is less. On the up side, I never get any colds here, and I had really severe ones in The Netherlands for at least two-three times every year.
Throughout my whole life I have experienced all kinds of strange phenomena during the night, physically speaking too. Sometimes I think I have something that shares some common ground with night epilepsy, with sometimes very nasty seizures/attaques in my arms or legs that always scare me half to death. In my opinion, these seizures are clearly caused by my spirit/mind/consciousness (however you want to call the personal self) not being properly “attached” to my body, my “absence” at night, and hence my not noticing my arms or legs are in some way obstructed or my sleeping limbs once again have been taken to the very edge of being truly “abandoned”. Fortunately, although this very dark phenomenon continues to occur, it’s rather rare. On average the real severe attaques only happens a couple of times each year. Last couple of years it seemed even less, maybe because of Rob’s presence through the plush lions.
I am not sure how this works. I just sometimes wake up with these huger than life attaques, think I am going to die or at least will be paralyzed for the rest of my life, with contractions obviously spurting out from my brain to a (paralyzed) limb or to my whole body. At these moments, out of sheer horror about what is happening, I get a panic attaque, my heart seems to pound out of my body. And I feel I certainly could have had a heart attack on numerous occasions like these, if I would have had a weak heart.
Furthermore, at night I did experience some strange other physical phenomena that I rather not talk about. I am ashamed of them, even though, obviously, they were caused by something in my brain and hence out of my control. And another thing is noteworthy. Regularly I feel this heavy, iron-fog like spell on my head, and to a lesser degree: body. Mostly, it occurs in the morning, directly after awakening, but sometimes I experience a slightly lesser version in the evening too. At times I feel like I can’t move at all. It’s like being frozen in your body, not being able to lift a finger. It could be related to this “night-epilepsy-like” phenomenon.
Without doubt, skeptic alarm will go off at the following, sorry about that in advance. In my book Through The Window (Dutch only) I describe an astral event in the evening of March 1996, in which I felt I was being operated by some unknown, strange, almost mechanical being. This “machine” was there to remove some kind of blood clot in my left temple. The days before I had been feeling this strange, heavy and disturbing pulsing in my temple, and it did feel life threatening, like something I had never experienced before.3 The day after, the problem seem to have been solved.
To summarize the part about my health: I guess I’m not that healthy after all.
Part II Roaring events
tl;dr In 2017, content-wise, my out-of-body and related experiences have been modest. The amount was fairly common, but the astral, lucid et cetera experiences were rather quick, much less intense and much less detailed. The nights and days with Rob and the lions however have been, and still are in 2018, absolutely stunning to extremes unthinkable und unexplainable in words.I will try to explain anyway. To be clear: these experiences with Rob and the lions are taking place in my normal day- and night, not my “astral” consciousness, at least, most do.
It does seem my astral experiences, and dream life too, are picking up considerably in content and intensity again this year, in 2018. Obviously, the divorce that was taking place had this temporary, suppressing effect on my astral and dream experiences. But my astral life is getting back to full steam again! If there will be a Lion Hearts VI, you can read about it later. So on the edge of publishing, I have added another, very recent astral encounter with Rob that dates from the month of publishing, April 2018, so you won’t have to wait another year or more.
The graphs show why 2017 has been no less than one big constant, ecstatic roar. Of course, it hasn’t been a light-hearted year in the light of the divorce, but Rob was there for me, especially in my dark hours, because that’s what Rob is all about: being there without wavering.
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Raptures: Orgasmic Outbursts
tl;dr Rob’s Lion Love is as palpable as kissing and love making with a physical lover, but in my opinion even more intimate, because the energy flowing through these plush lions is like pure magic. It’s a mixture of love, belonging, comfort, homecoming, warmth, support, eroticism, excitement, orgasmic outburst, all together and all simultaneously.
This constant love affair with Rob through the plush lions is something out of this world, or so it seems. Some people may be wondering, what on (parallel!?) Earth! (and beyond!) is going on. It started with holding the Rob lions and kissing them on their head. Since the arriving of the septuplet plush lion members, pure magic began to take place:
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Along the way every part of these lions seems to have become a tool, an expression of love, the head, the manes, the mouth, the whiskers, the smooth and elegant legs, the body, and last but not least: the tail with its soft, fluffy tuft, with synonyms as “prickle” and “claw”. Bold by me:
Male lions weigh between 150 – 225 kilograms (330 – 500 pounds) and female lions range between 120 – 150 kilograms (260 – 330 pounds). A lions tail length is 70 – 100 centimetres (2 feet 3 inches – 3 feet 3 inches). Their tail ends in a hairy tuft. The tuft conceals a spine, approximately 5 millimetres long, formed of the final sections of tail bone fused together. The lion is the only felid to have a tufted tail and the function of the tuft and spine are unknown. Absent at birth, the tuft develops around 5 months of age and is readily identifiable at 7 months. Source
Both lions and lionesses have tufts on the end of their tails, something no other cat has. If you could touch a male lion’s tail, you would feel a sharp bone tucked into the tail tuft. Source
Maybe the riddle of the concealed spine in the end of the lion’s tail can be solved one day. Their plush counterparts have a very strong erotic charge. In the evening and at night, as soon as I take one or more Rob plush septuplet lion tufts in my hand, while holding a Rob septuplet lion, my body reacts intensely, almost always immediately with orgasmic outbursts. In general, my body responds in a very physical way to Rob’s energy flowing through the plush lions.
I studied the lion septuplet, to find out what it is exactly that turns them into pure lion magic. Like aforementioned, they are perfectly shaped to my body. With their back turned towards me, they snuggle exactly in and under my chest area, under my breasts and with their head under my chin. It’s like two matching puzzel pieces.
When you look at their legs, you could observe they are like extended phallus shaped, and even the combination of the likewise phallus shaped back and legs could be sensually perceived, to those who see it. Surely enough I have been wondering if the man or woman designing these lions did so consciously or unconsciously, or that this sensual look is completely coincidental. This lion septuplet (maybe the multiplet will grow further) is the perfect physical embodiment of magical love. Together these Rob and Bor lions form a temple to my body and mind.
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What I am trying to say is that meanwhile Rob’s love is coming through all lion parts. The front legs have become very dominant in the last year, even more than the tail. It’s like magic sparks fly over as I soon as I start holding them. Intense excitement spreads through my whole body without even going through any kind of effort. It has become even stiffer (pun intended): sometimes, I don’t even have to physically touch them, because Rob’s love energy is flying right in front of them and me, like a pure, warm and loving, concentrated love cloud setting off wild-fires of excitement.
Rob seems to use the physical bodies, and their parts, of the plush lions to do what he would have done, would he still have a physical body. For instance, when a plush lion is lying close to me, or against me, Rob, through the paw of the lion, seems to bring my mouth to the lion’s face, to make him kiss him. And he kisses me through this septuplet lion. I know it’s my own body acting as an intermediair, but I strongly doubt that it is my own un/subconsciousness doing all this. I really believe that these “lion ideas” are sprouting from Rob’s intelligent and observant mind. His is energy is very palpable, the lions seem to come alive with Rob’s energy surging through them, often feeling to my touch like a human body would do; Rob’s body.
I know skeptics are allergic to the concept of this kind of energy that to them seems non-existent, but I will put my lioness paw in the fire to pledge to the fact that is exists alright.
…
Does it ever! I never had that many orgasmic outburst ánd petites morts, with often more than one session in one night. These sessions usually last between thirty minutes and up to about four hours, and sometimes occur more than once in one single night, like one in the evening and then one in the early morning again. I never was devoid of physical pleasure (I even wrote a book about astral love), but this has taken the cake by the trizillions.
I guess it is comparable to what the luckiest people on this Earth experience: a very active and full-filling love life. I think I might even challenge them, because this what I have with Rob is pure magic. These little deaths are not singular too. Rob and Lion-s have a tendency to pick up after a couple of seconds or sometimes a minute or so, or just go one right away, as concatenated orgasmic outbursts. In fact, beside of what can be conceived as the “conventional” orgasm or” little death” happening in almost every session, these Rob lion sessions as a whole seem to be one, big, long (up to four hours) orgasmic outburst, and I am not exaggerating.
I thought about what causes these orgasmic outbursts to come so easily and rapidly. I believe Rob and I are joined at the hip, so I feel what he feels, and vice versa. So if he experiences an orgasmic outburst by means of getting in my arms and touching, embracing and more, through the plush lions, it jumps over right at me, and I experience it too. He must have them all the time. (and hence, so do I, and vice versa).
It is something that I, in outlines, recognized as an astral side-effect in my first book as well: confronted with intense, true love, your body sets off immediately. There is nothing to turn the switch, and why would I want to? Astral traveler Robert Monroe described in one of his books that during one of his astral travels he shook hands with people, and out of that handshake immediate orgasm erupted. Could make up for embarrassing situations in daily life.
In the light of what is happening to me and Rob and the lions, I can only confirm the possibility of such, because I experience similar sexual energy outbursts more than half of all nights since a couple of years. Last year and now, it’s gotten to the point that every night is a hit. Maybe I am a pioneer with these plush lions. I have no clue. I never heard about it, or of even about vague similarities, elsewhere. To me it seems, astral (?) love has descended to Earth, found a physical form (the lions!) and magically erupts like a constant volcano. Also, it is as if Rob is saying to me and the world: you don’t have to wait for Heaven after Earth, I will bring it to you straightaway. But it is much more than what I regarded as “Heaven” in the past. This definitely calls for a redefinition for the concept of Heaven!
Maybe some skeptic reader is wondering by now where my skeptical alert is, warning them. Well, it’s still there. But braiding constants alerts through this story whether or not it is really Rob coming through, is getting kind of old. Everything I write is true and not exaggerated. Quite opposite, I am not quite finding the words to describe what is happening to me, it’s so much more than I am able to explain right here. But maybe change is the greatest proof of all, because my life has changed and Rob is making me a better, much more full-filled person. He’s showing me the way to being a more civilized person too, inside and out. No more ad hominems on internet fora, though I have to thank his and my friend and mega-educator Jan Willem Nienhuys for that too, more self reflection and more decency in behavior in general.
There is some other strange thing going on. It seems as though Rob somehow is settling in my character too. Always a fervent anti-smoking person, since Rob passing, I have the most peculiar tendency to think about picking up a cigarette and starting to smoke. I never even had a cigarette in my mouth and the idea alone appalled me, so this is something noteworthy. Rob was a smoker. Up til now, I have successfully resisted this new impulse and I hope I can keep it up, because I suspect I won’t be helping either Rob or me. Maybe he’s still a little addicted , on “the other side”. Rob’s not being a vegetarian or vegan is kind of reflecting on my mind too. Being vegan for life, I do notice some of Rob’s former eating habits coming through too in my mind, it made me ease up a little on human carnivores and dairy eaters.
And even if one day, somebody would or could rule there is no such thing as an afterlife, it still can be questioned, and be up for discussion, because Rob ís alive. In my life he is, through the lions, through all these many effects he has on me. He’s there, I can very clearly feel it! So, by then we would have to discuss the definition of “being alive”.
Out-of-body and dream related events
…
Definition of astral
tl;dr From a scientific point of view, I can’t explain how this works, but my out-of-body, dream and related experiences always provide interesting information. Immense wisdom is sprouting from them, uncovering deep foundations of truth about my life and people, birds, places et cetera I love or in other ways having a deeper meaning for me. Furthermore, the “astral” life is like living in parallel lives with several versions of the self.
Life with Rob seems not limited to “static versions of ones self”. Much more, life occurs in several versions of ones self, several first-meetings (!), role plays, not one lion, but a septuplet (basically capable of infinite expansion). It’s truly like living in many versions of parallel worlds, and in this regard the opposite of boring!
The wish-you-were-here-song
On March, 29, 2017 I had this strange astral experience, taking place around a series of concatenated shower cubicles. I was singing, making up the verses along the way, and, surprisingly enough, my voice was well carried and on-key. It was as if I were singing the sentences that Rob sang. I could feel him, far away?, in his astral space, he was the one singing that about me. He ended a verse with: “And wish you were here, all the time.” The event seemed to reveal how he was thinking about me too. So sweet!
Parallel Earth – Courtesy: unknown
The enclosing
On April 4, 2017 I had Peace Bor in my arms, but suddenly, he came a lot closer than he physically already was, moving toward me. The impression was extremely realistic and for a moment I thought this was happening physically. He was pulling me closer to him, enclosing me in his embrace, extremely tight, still pleasant, though very confronting. I fell asleep again, and after awakening some time later, exactly the same thing happened. Again, I saw him up very close , from a slightly higher position than myself, enclosing me, dominant and powerful.
In my perception the Peace Bor Lion has the most gentle, enchanting smile of all lions, but secretly I wonder if he is not the strongest, most alert warrior of all. On July 11, 2017, After the most loving intimacy with him, later on in the night, it seemed as though the lion was not on the same level with me anymore, but higher up in the air. He was intensely wagging his tail, as if to ask for my attention, warning me? This was so realistic that for one moment, I thought it was really happening.
Peace Bor Lion with cubs, “The Power Of Peace”
The sudden swoop
On April 30, 2017, I had a powerful dream, from which unexpectedly Rob emerged. To summarize the events, I was in a bare garden and saw a bear who climbed on chairs, dangerously and erratically balancing, now completely stretched, seemingly wanting to escape from the garden.4 I saw two men, possibly father and son, watching the bear from the house, holding something in their hand, maybe they were going to shoot him. Wanting to prevent that, I approached them, and saw that it was no gun but rather a fishing rod they were holding. Suddenly the son, who looked primitive to me, was outside, and real close behind me too. Though shocked, I had little time to be, because lightning fast, he jumped at me, with a beastly lion leap, pulling me to the ground with him, where I landed safely and softly on him. A robust and quite tall man, he was embracing me like mad and it felt so good! I awakened, very moved and excited, too. I felt this was Rob in a very eager reunion. After this I had a very loving and intimate encounter with Rob Jealous lion.
…
Koningsdag
On May 5, 2017, I had this exhaustive dream, I will try to keep it brief though. It seemed to be about Rob’s girlfriend, but it wasn’t Jolanda, but Rob himself, in yet another of his role-playing inventions.5 The dream with astral feel to it was not located in Davis. I was living in a big, light apartment and she was living close-by, in a house/apartment that was on the floor below and positioned diagonally to my apartment.
Somehow, as a gift, I’d left a small grey notebook on her desk. I looked down on her house and saw her at her desk. I wondered if she had found my little gift. Again later, she was standing at my door, asking if I would be willing to help set up her Vrijmarkt stall (Vrijmarkt: Dutch annual event). I said I was painstakingly slow in leaving home, which is true with a capital T, but she convinced me anyway. Now we walked on the street and we agreed on how commercial annual festivities had become. She said: “I am so pleased to finally meet you!” I replied: “Me too!”, and I thought about her kissing Rob, and in that way, her being an important connection to Rob. She was about as tall as I am, of normal posture, with rather short, dark hair with some stroke in it. She bore no resemblance at all to Rob’s earthly girlfriend Jolanda.
Then we were in a bus together. We both had that immediate feeling of belonging together. I was so happy, finally meeting someone who was a match with me! She even gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. It felt very good. I thought to myself, if she continues like this, I want to kiss her, it will bring me closer to Rob.
I asked her if she had found my little notebook gift and she said: “Of course, right away, that wasn’t hard.” She appreciated the gift, I could tell. She said: “I saw you in old movie clips of Koningsdag, you sold things.” In reality, I never sold anything on Koningsdag/Koninginnedag, or it would have to be in a parallel world! I replied: “When was this?” She said with a broad smile: “You sold things with this hyper serious facial expression, for a couple of cents each, so cute! You did it next to the stalls of people who were making big bucks, unlike you.” She was not making fun of me and she obviously was totally charmed by me. After awakening, I got the distinct impression that Rob had used an alias once more to make our “first” meeting easier (again!). 6
— State of affairs in daily life: May 14, 2017: from this day, J’s increasingly absent til June 9, 2017, when he leaves permanently. —
Rob emerging
July 23, 2017 This was one of those rare astral journeys where I did meet Rob face to face. But this time, there was no clear runway to a happy and simple reunion. We seemed to be in the house in Aalst where I lived with my mother, sister and brother (out of three sisters and one brother). Suddenly, Rob emerged on the left. I recognized him immediately, there was no doubt in my mind. Hij was quite tall, very solidly built with blond hair, in his appearance of later age. Enthusiastically I walked toward him while calling out his name: “Rob! Rob!” and wanting to embrace him. But he moved quickly to the right. He did start speaking to me, but I could hardly catch up on anything he was saying. He seemed to give me instructions, but the only words I was able to hold on to, was “Heinrich Himmler”, from the German Nazi Reich. Very clearly, Rob didn’t want to distract me with a joyful reunion. I was ecstatic all the same, just for seeing him again. I did embrace him quickly. As far as I could tell, the “Heinrich Himmler” related to the aforementioned case of the Genverbrander. I said to Rob: “Rob, you are talking too fast, I can not follow you!”
The house where I lived with my mother, Balsemienlaan, Waalre, Netherlands.
Air-jumping Lions
July 28, 2017
After a hectic dream about Stan of the Genverbrander case, I woke up, and, to my amazement, saw the contours of my sweet plush lions jumping all around in the air. I thought to myself: do I see this right? and I even reached out, sleep-drunk, trying to touch them, to see what was going on. It seemed as though the lions had come alive, and hence, there was more than just the fact of Rob using them to manifest himself to me. This event has occurred several times. Sometimes I see several lions jumping simultaneously in the air like this, sometimes only one.
…
Moving in with Rob
On September 8, 2017, I had this dream about me moving in with Rob on the specific day of Saturday, September 9, 2017 (hence, the following day). In this dream, my mother Thérèse (she passed away in 2014, just like Rob) seemed anxious to want me to move out with her and move in with Rob. I said to her: “You seem to forget about Jolanda!” (Rob’s earthly girlfriend). But my mother wasn’t bothered by this at all, she didn’t seem to give it a second thought, as though she somehow knew that part wasn’t relevant anymore. I was a little offended about her eagerness to see me going, but the idea of living with Rob filled me with enormous joy. And it sure does, right now and every time I think about it!
Marie Thérèse, Constantia’s mother
Pepijn
Pepijn van Erp, Skepsis Congress 2014, with pictured in the PowerPoint slides behind him: Rob. The conference was about the crisis within Skepsis because of Rob’s sudden death and more generally about the crisis within science. Wikipedia photo by Vera de Kok. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pepijn_van_ErpPepijn van Erp, Skepsis Congress 2014. Wikipedia photo by Vera de Kok. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pepijn_van_Erp
October 6, 2017
This night I held Rob Lion Young in my embrace and without any effort, spontaneous orgasmic eruptions occurred and continued to occur, and later on, the Rob lion ended sitting on my belly in a bent posture, like holding on to me from a point below and turned towards me. When I go to sleep, I always spoon with one of the Rob Lion septuplet, so their back is turned toward me, so this was a different position. He was like devoting himself to me, the sweetest, warm energy spread from him. There was this intense happiness I couldn’t possibly describe, no matter how many words I would use. It was pure ecstasy (again). I could – and wanted to – hold him forever like this, a love sensation not from this world. But Rob wanted to achieve something with the way the Rob Young Lion was holding me.
…
I had been awake at night again, as I am almost ever single night, for a couple of hours, but I didn’t and don’t mind. In fact, I even appreciate the sleepless hours at night, because my mind is much clearer, even more intelligent so it seems, than in the daytime. I had emailed Pepijn van Erp, Rob’s board member colleague of the Dutch Skeptic Society and, after Rob’s passing, Rob’s successor as webmaster of skepsis.nl. As with Rob, Robbert van den Broeke was a starting point with Pepijn, because Van den Broeke had drawn Pepijn’s skeptical attention too and I responded to Pepijn’s article. In the previous year, 2011, Pepijn had started blogging on kloptdatwel.nl.I have been in ebb and flow email-contact with Pepijn since August 2012.
Pepijn means a great deal to me. I have learned, and still am learning a lot from him. Especially his high IQ intertwined with humor is something I find very appealing. He’s quite the ingenious skeptic and I do feel he and I have striking things in common, like our skeptic sense of humor and a lot of shared interests. Most important thing I learned from Pepijn is this: “Assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups”. Just like the previously mentioned basic attitude I learned from Rob and Jan Willem Nienhuys, to keep your distance from ad hominems, consecutively to stay away from assumptions too, is one of the ground-rules of fairness towards your fellow man/woman. And if you take it further, of science itself. Always check if what you think about someone or something is true and look for the facts and evidence.
From personal experience I know what it feels like to be judged by people who don’t have their facts straight. Especially in the place where I come from, people were extremely negative and judgmental. Even people who haven’t dealt with you literally for decades still seem to know the current you better than you yourself, just based on their old! assumptions, which by the way is a double wrong (and that doesn’t make it right, either, like in – -=+).
Back to telling the dream. After this period of being awake, I had this remarkable dream about Pepijn which I believe was triggered by Rob.
We (it didn’t become clear who this “we” included) were in a city, school had just gone out, and I suddenly had a problem with my glasses, because out of the blue they were broken. A man also walked in the street and stroke up a conversation with me, but I doubted whether or not I should go with him. Pepijn, who walked behind me for a short time, was now catching up with me and walking to my left. I asked Pepijn: “What shall I do, go with him? I already was heading for this other man’s direction. However to my surprise, Pepijn playfully blocked my path with his body. I didn’t really expect a reaction from him because quite regularly he doesn’t respond. “Heb ik weer!”, he said in Dutch (his native language): “Just my luck!”, with a smile, and he maneuvered me to the right, catching me under my elbow, willing me to go with him.
Pepijn van Erp
“What do you want to do, go to the Disco Ball, go kickboxing?”, he asked me, still with this playful smile. He held me pretty tight, with his arm on my back, and I answered his grip, I held him as well. This felt so good!
I wanted him to kiss me too, and we did, for a moment. Does this really happen, I thought, Pepijn, who now suddenly, does take action? Intimately entwined we walked through the downtown street.
I then returned to normal daytime consciousness and was awake, with the sweetest Rob Young Lion holding me with this bent posture, which felt exactly the same as Pepijn and I holding each other in this dream, like wishing to selflessly give up his own rights in our relationship and, at least for this moment, gently pushing me towards Pepijn. Wanting me to choose life? Maybe it was a symbolic gesture?
I don’t ever want to distance myself from Rob again. His sudden leaving the Earth, and me, was something I could only tolerate once, and in fact: I couldn’t tolerate at all. On several occasions, like in telepathic communication (hence after his passing), Rob seems to express he would be thrilled, if I would “be” with other physical persons on Earth too, but I am not planning to do so. I am not willing to lose Rob from my daily (night)life, because I just know that would happen if I would start a new relationship. I already lost sight of so many loved ones, many birds I loved dearly included. I am afraid Rob would drift away, even though he would say he never would. And I think Rob has this jealous side too, even if he’s resisting it. I myself would feel the same. My main motivation however is that I don’t want anyone else. This time, I am not letting Death, the Grim Reaper, get away with his deeds by putting a distance between my soulmate and me, like he did with my other loved ones who passed over. Furthermore, I consider myself old, and my life over. Even for Rob and me, when he was still on the earth, the clock was ticking. Had only I met him in an earlier stage, when we had stood a fair chance. This “alternative” Rob/Bor Lion Love expression however is something else too, and in no way less! But still.
Already I have had quite some meaningful dreams about Pepijn, some with an astral hint. They were all positive. This too is comparable to the positive image my subconsciousness has of Rob. With regard to Rob I am the lioness, but with regard to Pepijn, I think I am the raven. One doesn’t have to limit oneself to one congenial animal. The Raven-Wolf bond, as it is explained on numerous locations, explains the bonding I feel towards Pepijn quite nicely.
On October 27, 2017, I saw as it were Rob lying in the air, to my right, positioned higher than me, as if he was asleep, sleeping there, too, just like me.
The not-vegan whistle-lollipop
On November 21, 2017, I had a funny dream that I suspect was initiated, maybe even created by Rob. Again, I was kind of lost in a city unknown to me. Yet I was not alone, there were two people in my company. I passed an oliebollenkraam (Dutch word), a kind of donut stall. I decided to stop for a minute, even though I was following a group from a distance and probably would lose them now.
The man behind the counter of the stall had all kinds of treats, deep-fried raisin buns and chocolate patisserie too. I asked him if they were vegan, because I am, if there was any dairy butter et cetera in them. He replied there indeed was in at least half, and in the other half, egg was used. I was disappointed.
The man then offered me a chocolate lollipop that didn’t look quite vegan as well. I wanted to point this out to him, but he overruled my hesitation, and as a gesture brought the colorful lollipop to my lips. I didn’t refuse and put the lollipop in my mouth. To my surprise I discovered there was a whistle in it. Immediately I heard a funny tune with a dropping cadence. The broad smile this brought to my face was reflected in the face of the man, as he smiled at me, knowing of course all about his own magic lollipops and obviously anticipating my pleasure in discovering their magic. And yes, I think this man was Rob again, in one of his role-plays, living his life with me in parallel worlds.
November 22, 2017. After cycling for many hours, I sometimes am quite exhausted and have no lengthy cuddling energy left for the Rob/Bor lions. But I did have Most Male Rob lion in my embrace this whole night, with the perfect click again, this amazing and very constant, magical mix of love, support and eroticism. In the morning I suddenly discovered that the lion’s tail was perfectly vertically lined, like a morning wood, and the look on his lion face, which I found very funny, said: “Hey, don’t blame me!”. The lion’s tail was leaning against something and I hadn’t put him there like that.
Getting through
Since December 2017, Rob’s penetrative energies are getting stronger, as if he is getting through much more powerfully. Maybe this shouldn’t be surprising, as his earthly passing was in May 2014 and, if all of this is true, Rob’s being there with me, now in spirit, already gave him three and a half experience years on the other side in reaching out to the physical form. Our erotical contact started expanding too around this time, in a broader spectrum than before, which I will not further discuss here.
The shepherds
The last days of December 2017, and to be specific, December 27, 2017, brought an ecstatic night filled with Rob love and kisses which I described in my diary as: “maybe the most amazing night ever with Rob through the lions”. I again had cycled far, 104 kilometers the day before, and during this ride I had this extremely pleasant mind movie of Rob and me, herding a flock of sheep, every day, all day(s), just the two of us, and then, every in between night, just Rob and me too, again, just the two of us, love making all night (or, well: almost all night, one has to sleep too of course). A very simple and even mind cracking, strange fantasy indeed, but maybe because of it, extremely powerful. I still consider this is one of the best of the hundreds of mind movies I have about Rob and me, living together in alternate worlds. I realize it must sound very bemusing, herding sheep in the daytime (why in heaven’s name, right?) and making love at night, but hey, life’s roads take many twists.
Sheep in the meadow – Image kindly borrowed from “Videoblocks”
Striking things named separately
Funny positions
I often find the lions in funny positions, apparently caused by my own movements in the night. Sometimes though, I secretly wonder about that, if there’s more to it, Rob at work? For example, the Peace Bor lion is the one who always manages to get to the blanket, my favorite poncho or my sweater that is lying around, like somebody had very precisely wrapped him up for the night (and I swear, I didn’t do so). The Whiskers lion is sometimes hanging perfectly upside down between other lions in a very funny way. And last November, 2017, I suddenly found an “erect” Christmas hat, that had been lying around, it was standing on its own the morning I woke up, and I swear I didn’t do it. These hats are very weak in structure, so it’s weird alright. It was one of the Christmas hats I received when the Rob Jealous lion arrived. And recently I found the African Rob Lion in a position like he was flying.
…
Music and lovesongs
I am still struggling to find my way back to music. In the days long gone I was a real music addict, just like Rob. Something inside of me locked down along the way in the years of my marriage and opening the doors and windows to music once more, isn’t as easily done as it would seem.
I found a song posted on social media that I liked very much. It is: “If I Were Free”, performed by the band Edward Sharpe And The Magnetic Zeros.
Looking into the band I found a great treasure of songs. With their origin in in Los Angeles and classified as “Indie folk, psychedelic folk, gospel, neo-psychedelia”, it seems to me Rob led me to this ensemble. Their repertoire is like a bridge between Rob’s more “difficult” and my easier music taste.
It even goes beyond just the band itself. In one of the group’s key band members, I found what to me seems a true young Rob-lookalike; the way Rob could have looked would he have been a Californian band-member, and not the Chief editor of the Dutch skeptic magazine. You are looking at Orpheo McCord (and the clip I extracted these screenshots from is I Don’t Wanna Pray). By now, I don’t think I need to explain how this could fit in the role playing Rob seems to have been doing since he’s living with me in this “parallel world”.
…
The band also has a Lion song, with lyrics that, in mysterious ways, approach the content of my own Lion Hearts blog; the part about the astral event around the campfire, the forever-bonding between Rob and me. Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros – In the Lion:But in the fire, there’s a heat to melt the cage around your soul.
To keep close to Rob, I want to mention a couple of emails about music Rob sent me. When in 2009, I specifically asked Rob for a love song, he came up with a couple.The first one he sent on May 13, 2009:
English Transcript of the Dutch emails displayed in the gallery below:
Email Rob:
Rob quoting Sten (=Constantia): “The more often you remember your dreams, the more aware you are.”
Rob: Conscious of Lunteren!
Rob quoting Sten (=Constantia): “PS Do you have a nice love song for me?”
Rob: What do you think of this one? Also on youtube:
Rob
Email Constantia:
Hm, thanks, but that was not what I had in mind. Like something with a profound meaning, and a male voice. In my opinion this girl is too sweet, the song has little depth in terms of rhythm, and the lyrics aren’t exactly a love song.
And “Conscious of Lunteren” I don’t understand? I don’t know that expression?
Greetings,
Sten
Email Rob:
A strong man’s voice, haha. No, that’s not it. I never pay much attention to the lyrics. I did play it to others before, but nobody seemed to like it much. Yet I give this number a 10. Beautiful cadence, subtle guitar playing, and then that concertina at the end contrary to the violin, I think this is an aesthetic masterpiece. The simplicity and the repetitive element speaks to me too. I know singers with a better voice, but I take that for granted, because she wrote the song herself.
Maybe I’ll find a male voice that doesn’t sound so fragile. But first I have to continue with Skepter. And then file my postponed taxes to get rid of everything again.
I visited Lunteren in my dream. but I didn’t know where it was. I had to look it up on Google Maps to see where it was when I woke up.
Rob
…
The second lovesong he then sent me, on May 25, 2009, isn’t available on YouTube anymore. It was the most unruly love song I ever heard, sung by a “savage” with a beard, playing an instrument, performing, well, very uncommon music. It wouldn’t be high in the charts, let’s keep it at that. 😉
English transcript of emails:
Email Constantia:
Hi Rob,
are you still awake?
Greetings,
Sten
Email Rob:
Here the love song that you still had credit:
(real freakfolk)
Rob
…
Seeking Vice Versa
Often to me it seems, Rob is seeking me as much, and as desperately, as I am seeking him. And believe it or not, sometimes even a daytime “separation” could deem a long time, like as we would have been separated for weeks, and the reunification is no less. Very enthusiast, longing for each other.
Lion seeking lion v.v. Courtesy: unknown
Dense shaped
The lions quite regularly feel very dense shaped, like a human body would, so much heavier than their light, plush bodies, with a very dominant, extremely physical “grip”, it’s hard to find the right words. It can be very sexually charged as well.
Healing effect
Rob, through the plush lions, has a very calming and even healing effect on my troubled head. A true allergy patient, living in a valley that is troubled by bad air quality, I often have headaches and experience an uncomfortably tired, heavy feeling in my head, like an iron fog. Often, when I lay my head against one of the septuplet lions, my pain or discomfort is lifted considerably. The same goes for the lion paws or lion head put to my forehead or wherever I feel pain or distress. You can imagine how grateful I am.
Something else mind-blowing is that Rob helping me with a jaw problem I obviously had all my life, without ever realizing it. It’s completely physical, so we are not taking “spirit operations” here. I can’t go into detail, because I feel it’s too private. You just have to take my word for it and maybe one day, see or hear the difference, because this jaw predisposition does affect my speech too. I really have no clue how Rob discovered this problem, but he did. It fits the image I have of him by now of a very keen observer and genuinely interested lover and soulmate. Someone who truly observes and then, helps.
Getting better all the time
Another striking phenomenon is that the erotic encounters between Rob and me, so often intermediated by the plush lion inner crew, the septuplet, seems to constantly get better, even when that really isn’t possible, because, to me a lot of these encounters already seem the very best of the best, without any exaggeration. What could better than the as “Better than Heaven!” perceived level, right? Maybe it’s a phenomenon related to singing at the right pitch in music. The conductor of the student choir I was in during my teachers training sometimes pointed out to us, when we were rehearsing new songs like “Carmina Burana, O Fortuna“, that we should sing like we were going upwards with our voices, reaching higher than we thought we should. Thén he said, we were in fact staying at the right pitch and not sinking below. Our choir was rehearsing a broad repertoire, besides the Carmina for example West Side Story’s: “One Hand, One Heart”. My oh my, I suddenly remember this conductor’s name was Rob too, but this Rob looked totally different, with dark hair and dark eyes!
…
Kissing skills
Remarkable too are Rob’s kissing skills, which he has brought to staggering heights. Through the septuplet lions and even without the necessity of further sexual exchange, his slow, very attentive kisses cause rapid orgasmic outbursts in my mind and body. It’s like being lifted to another plane of existence and pleasure! altogether.
Astral eroticism
Unique is the fact that since Rob’s passing in 2014 I no longer have noteworthy astral-eroticism experiences with other spirits and energies7. This truly is remarkable, because, independently from any relationship I had since I had the age of 18, the age that my out-of-body experiences started to occur, I always had astral eroticism experiences in all sorts of ways and encounters. It’s hardly anything you can control, at least, it was like that for me. I tried for years. You would have to read my books (you could if you read Dutch), but I can tell you up front: I didn’t succeed. The only tactic for me not to get into astral eroticism while having out-of-body experiences and related events, was to use the tactic of postponing, like tricking “demanding” spirits and or energies with a “I will get back at you later” tactic, and then this “later” wouldn’t come.
Frequent astral travelers like Robert Monroe and William Buhlman talked about the phenomenon of astral eroticism as well. I pondered elaborately on it in my books “Through The Window” and “Through The Gate” myself. I don’t feel the need to repeat and explain all my past thoughts and statements about this here. But my touching base on an erotic level with so many others in the “spiritual world” seems to have subsided. It’s now (almost?) Rob only. I don’t have a conclusive explanation for this, as this astral eroticism is no one-way traffic, because spirits and “energies” have a will of their own, and this will of them may very well deviate (strongly) from yours. Alongside, there is the phenomenon of getting sexually aroused by the process of going out-of-your-body itself. In the past I thought the instant awakening of “erotic feelings” during the “disconnection from the physical body” was brought upon by something like the “movement of the chakras”, but today I would say more research is needed before drawing any final conclusions.
Thinking rather boldly out loud now, it could be that spirits and energies are trying to do some snooping around, trying to secretly or not so secretly enjoy the Rob and me encounters, like voyeurs. I don’t have a clear vision of all astral things going on around me. Then of course I would assume that there is indeed something like the astral world, as I have always suspected, even after immersing myself in the skeptical world for many years now. As it might have become clear by now, I tend to deviate a little from the standard view of what the astral plane is and for that matter, what the “astral experience” really is. Through out-of-body experiences, dreams and many other very rich transit roads of the mind, we may be (already) living our lives in parallel worlds, in a multiverse, during the night (and day). We are still in the early stages of our understanding of the true nature of the world and its possibilities.
I am not willing myself by any means into this new astral-eroticism state, for example to be faithful to Rob. It just happens. Rob is most important to me, he’s my “soulmate”, that’s very obvious. I don’t know if and when at some point the others will return to my astral-erotic life. Since Rob’s earthly parting in 2014, Pepijn van Erp seems to be the only one (able of) passing the threshold of the “more-than-friendship” feelings in my dreams and astral events.
Rob traveling to me! 💘
While I was waiting for the divorce to get finalized before finding myself able to publish this blog, something else major was going on, something that fits perfectly, like the missing link or puzzle piece.
In 2017 I busied myself with ordering media files of Rob Nanninga’s public interviews on the website Beeld en Geluid (“Vision And Sound”). I thought I was dealing with radio interviews only. Since the order would be a bit expensive from the United States, I had put it on hold since July 2017. But if I really would have wanted it, I could have proceeded quicker. I don’t know why I didn’t, but it so turned out that in February 2018, the “Bird Lady” (> she bears the name of a wise bird) of Beeld en Geluid was asking me once again, if I was ready to move ahead with my order, as they had postponed it for me two times already.
Beeld En Geluid, I ordered three media files initially, and in the last moment, added a fourth one, of a radio broadcast in which Rob was speaking about, among other things, Robbert van den Broeke. Lady of “Beeld En Geluid” asking me if I wanted to go ahead with this order.
As circumstances would have it, I had just received my share of the 2018 tax return and had some extra money to spend. So I made a money order to The Netherlands, paid and then four files were sent.
To my surprise, it turned out one of the media files was a DVD, and I was very eagerly anticipating it. Would I receive “new”, rare image footage of Rob Nanninga? Images of him were very scarce as Rob had been avoiding appearing in public for many years. But as fate would have it, due to a mistake on their website, three out of four files, the DVD too, I received were the wrong ones. They were all a day too early with regards to Rob Nanninga’s appearance in that specific show. On their website, with three out of four media files of Rob, they had posted two consecutive days and I had consequently chosen the first. But it should have been the second date mentioned. Example:
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While I was playing the CDs and DVD, I was very eagerly awaiting Rob’s voice and image (on the DVD), but only one CD delivered to expectation. I was put to the test while watching the TV show with Jomanda and trying to keep the faith. I thought: maybe Rob will appear in the last ten minutes or so. But no, this is what I saw at the show’s conclusion; can you imagine my disappointment, the “Oh no”-effect it had on me, having waited for a long time to see Rob in new imagery!, then hearing this: 😱 (she is announcing Rob for the next day!)
But even this was right somehow, because Rob kept me waiting before, and yes, this would be the way that he would arrive: with an advance notice, and letting me wait some more. Never in a hurry, taking his time. He once sent me this clip he liked very much, and since then, I do too:
“I’ve got a love that keeps me waiting…” 🎶
I had to contact the Bird Lady of Beeld en Geluid again. On March 5, 2018, after another spectacular night with Rob Lion Young, very much initiated by Rob it did seem, I was emailing her again after she had replied to me about the wrong three media files. She promised to send me the right remaining three.
And then suddenly, shortly after sending this email to her, lying in the bathtub and contemplating dates mentioned in the last emails, a penny dropped. I am so slow-witted! 🐌
We were talking about a DVD of Rob in 1995. A younger Rob! He was the guest in the show “De Week van” (The Week Of), presented by Tineke de Groot as the guest of the notorious Jomanda (I am taking the skeptic side on this one). Could this be the TV show Rob was talking to me about, the show in which he wore a blue jacket specially purchased for the occasion?8
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Suddenly, the previous night with Rob Lion Young and Rob’s eagerness this night made sense. Rob already knew the penny was going to drop the next day. I was going to receive a DVD with this or a younger Rob! It never even occurred to me a TV show with a younger Rob was still available.
On March 20, 2018, the three remaining, and this time correct, media files arrived in Davis, and to my exhilaration, I did receive a TV show with the younger Rob, albeit dressed in a neat beige jacket, not blue. So I still don’t know what TV show he was talking about with regards to this blue jacket and “1992”. But the ultimate sweetness, to finally see him live, in a younger form too!9 While waiting for the files two times and exactly five weeks altogether (I had paid on Tuesday, February 13, 2018 and received all four correct media files on Tuesday, March 20, 2018), it had felt as Rob was traveling to me, a very happy feeling. He and I, together (again, and again, and again and…)!
On the same day I posted this video of him on YouTube, and I am pleased to present it here too:
Thanks to this video I am able to expand the available sparse list of photos of Rob. I am mesmerized by Rob’s sweet, beautiful, wise and to me, hypnotic eyes, and smile. I am again like hypnotized, falling in love with him, over and over again.
Rob’s eyes are huge and have these immense deep quality to them. I wish for once I was a poet to be able to describe what I see. Rob gets these special stars in his eyes. My drawing of him didn’t feel complete until I was able to get a hold of Rob’s magic.
In his eyes you can see this enormous tranquil patience, love, peace and most of all: unfathomable depth. By the way, his beautiful lips are something else too. Perfect sweetness, and I think I know very well by now how his kisses feel! Click for a larger view.
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There is another aspect of Rob: his voice. I have uploaded three of his radio interviews on Soundcloud.
Remarkable enough, his voice to me seems to be a mixture of the voices of people I know well. It’s foremost the way he speaks, in measured words, with a typical cadence I typify as “skeptical”. To me his voice is a mixture of most definitely his and my good friend and his fellow Skepsis Board member Jan Willem Nienhuys, also fellow Skepsis Board member and previously mentioned Pepijn van Erp ánd Dutch singer and (former) DJ, Jack-of-all-trades, Henk Westbroek. Trivia: Rob (full name: Roelof Hendrik) shares the name “Hendrik” with Henk Westbroek (full name: Hendrik Otto).
I have to finish now, but not without telling the effect especially the new video and audios of him have on me. All these years I am able to love and “see” him with only a minimum of photos and video material. I once wrote him: I can see you with my eyes closed, even if you are at the other end of the universe.10 I still feel this is true. But lately, I started longing for him, to have just one bit more of him, to see him with my physical eyes and to hear him, with my physical ears. And he did arrive and gave me that. The already perceptible effect is that receiving the Rob files has boosted and spiked my Rob encounters even further.
Now that the divorce is final, my out-of-body experiences seem to return in full force again. I want to conclude with a very brief summary of an astral encounter in the “parallel world” with Rob on 5 April, 2018. I was with Rob in a homely room elsewhere (a parallel world again), and he took me on his shoulders and carried me, supposedly wild, but the pace was quite bearable, through the room, playing he was Quasimodo. We had immense fun together like this. Through a completely meaningless shallow round ledge in the wall he threw a few coins, as if these were the necessary coins to get a gaming machine to start. This too was quite hilarious. When returning to my room in Davis, the name “Quasimodo” came to mind. Remarkable about this is, that I neither know book nor movie. I only remember seeing trailer-like fragments of the Disney movie and, maybe in the past, reading a few paragraphs somewhere about Quasimodo. Again, as with all Rob’s other role plays, I see this as an indication that this is really coming from Rob. I couldn’t imagine myself coming up with this Quasimodo idea. Furthermore, before Rob’s passing, I never engaged in role play in any way. Rob has really introduced this to me.
[2] I do want to thank Sjaan van Altena for her virtual soundboard on both the Robbert van den Broeke/Stan case and my personal things.
[3] Sten Oomen, Door Het Raam, Uitgeverij Schors, 2004: Gewijzigde en uitgebreide druk van de uitgave uit 2000 (Sigma Press), Amsterdam, Part II, page 316-320.
[4] Bears are known to be meaningful dream symbols. There are countless dream dictionaries and helpful books and webpages about these and other symbols.
[7] For more about these “spirits and energies”, you could read my books, especially my first and second one, provided you are Dutch or able to read Dutch.
Sten Oomen, Door Het Raam, Uitgeverij Schors, 2004: Gewijzigde en uitgebreide druk van de uitgave uit 2000 (Sigma Press), Amsterdam. Sten Oomen, Door De Poort, DHR Soul Travel, 2007.
[9] In October 2010, Pepijn van Erp discovered Rob Nanninga’s appearance of 2001 in a Dutch TV show called “Het Zwarte Schaap” was available on YouTube and devoted a short article to this on the website Kloptdatwel.nl.
With their purchase date and purchase amount Total of now 53 lions: $1353.11 – Average purchase amount of lions: $25.53 – Most expensive lion: “number” 10 $225 – Cheapest lion: “number” 42 $3.76
New Group Photo (December 22, 2017):
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New Group Photo (April 17, 2018)
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All absolutely priceless to me! 💘
Click! to proceed through gallery and see details!
The Rob lion that arrived on October 21 (purchase date: October 16, 2017), and made the sextuplet a septuplet, has very full mane, and the name that came to me was “Full”. I let all the nicknames come to me spontaneously and to each lion there always was one name that immediately – or almost immediately – stuck. Albeit a peculiar name – or not (“Most Male”?), then that would be his nick name.
Later-on, I realized, once again, this ís the right name for the seventh lion of the Rob/Bor multiple offspring: “Full”. Click! on his photos and you’ll see why.
Exactly two years have passed since my last blog about Rob Nanninga, and it has been over two and a half years now since Rob passed on Dutch “Hemelvaartsdag”, Feast of the Ascension. Rob Nanninga, born on August 6, 1955, hence under the astrological sign of Leo, passed on May 29, 20141, not on May 30, 2014 as is stated in Wikipedia. What took me so long? Ongoing writer blocks, thoughts and reflections about publishing this at all: self-restraint versus the need to express myself. In the past year, in my mind, these two apparent counterparts have been measuring each other up. To me, this is very dear and important. A true story that has to be told! Likes waves unstoppable, rushing to the shore. The long hesitation has its upside too, now there’s more to tell. Consider this a book in progress; then you understand this lengthy blog. Even though I have tried to be as comprehensive as possible, I have left things out that I consider too private to tell; details with regard to intimate love. I am confident that observant readers can complete that part of the story for themselves.
Constantia with Rob lions
Like a homing bird at night You will be my guiding starlight And until we meet again I will be restless like this candle flame Sally Oldfield, Water Bearer – Fire And Honey
Rob Lion in Vacaville, accompanying me on one of my many cycling trips
Fact is some people don’t grasp my love for Rob Nanninga and I guess that shouldn’t surprise me, all unconventional circumstances considering. There is one simple and logic explanation though: it’s called “love”.
Rob is not out of my life. Over two and a half years after his passing to worlds beyond our true comprehension, yet, especially at night, as close as my own skin2, he is as much there as he ever was. He’s in fact much more here with me than he ever was. I still can’t prove it, nor the afterlife (that would be something, right?), and especially to myself remain painfully skeptic. But this is what I have experienced: so much love. Much more, better than Heaven itself, from what superlatives that even exists, like I often note in my diary,3 trying to describe what I feel when holding and cuddling my Rob plush lions. Way better than Heaven! It’s the only way I can ever try to describe the feeling of exciting, very tangible, immeasurable deep warmth and love radiating through these lions. It’s like they are charged with electrical waves of love, flowing right through me. I am not speaking in a metaphysical sense, I am talking about a physical feeling. It’s like feeling the extremely pleasant, physical body warmth, the warm touch of somebody’s hand or embrace, kiss, of somebody you love most. It’s more than amazing, it’s like impossible, but still, it’s exactly what is happening.
Especially at night, when I’m holding one or more lions for many hours on end, without ever letting them go, even when I’m in deep sleep, I feel utter bliss, ecstasy and extreme comfort, I would say: out-of-this-world-ecstasy and comfort. I literally hold sparkling love in my arms, feeling it sparkle even when I am in deep sleep, it’s there. I feel helpless by the shortcoming of language.
As you can see in the table of contents, this true story of Rob and me contains much more than my experiences with the plush Rob Nanninga lions, but it is certainly a central portion thereof.
I always did have this very special attachment to some dear plush animals in the past. I think it can be considered an omen that I was destined to have these experiences with the Rob plush lions later on.
As I describe in my biography, as a kid I was known to cry for days on end when I lost my plush bunny. It had to be returned or replaced with an identical one. It seems like I haven’t changed at all. But this predisposition has spread it wings and is now soaring in almost unimaginable but very real ways. With Rob and the lions, all of the past and present are coming together. The love I feel through the plush lions, is in the square of what I felt as a little girl. It’s pure magic. And there is not one bit of exaggeration in my statement. My heart would be ripped out if I would loose that feeling.
I accidentally burned another favorite plush partially: the plush Rooster I bought in East Berlin while the wall was still standing. I was there on a holiday trip with my Uncle Dries and we had been traveling in his old Volkswagen Beetle which, of course, we had to leave behind in West Berlin. I saw the communist Rooster in a warehouse for 18 Mark and my uncle bought it for me. I cherished it for many years, but during a freak household incident in Davis, California, I ruined him. I’d rather not talk about it, it’s a real trauma to me.
Constantia with cherished, East-Berlin plush rooster
– and then, being in Davis without any plush animal that could hold the loving feeling anymore, I started looking for and purchased several replacements, but no animal plush could bring back that loving feeling. I tried a new plush bunny, a couple of plush chickens (a chicken and a rooster to be precise) of the same size as my East-Berlin rooster, and, getting quite desperate by now, even purchased an expensive ($101.95) and quite unhuggable Hansa phoenix bird on February 8, 2012, but I felt literally nothing, holding them. Yeah, I did feel something: despair. The delightful feeling simply was gone. It’s like something inside me died because of it or maybe it was the other way around: something inside me had died, causing these course of events. I felt like the sun had gone down on me, I felt empty without a cherished plush.
A long episode of nothingness followed, then Rob passed away. Then, one lion at a time, Rob’s love carrying!, plush lion love came back to me, in a way that is exhilarating beyond any words even a Nobel Prize winner in Literature could come up with. I just can’t tell you what is happening, but I’ll give it my best shot. You just have to keep on reading through the whole blog – book-in-the-making? – to find out what I mean by “It’s pure magic“. Again, this is a true story, keep that in mind. Everything I describe happened and/or is happening.
Plush lions
So what happened with Rob, the plush lions and me? I bought thirty-seven lions up till now since October 18, 2014, for a total amount of $1051.19 (just a tidbit, to me they are priceless). Eight new ones are missing in this overview photo:
The Rob Nanninga lion pride
In the meantime, after the making of this overview photo, two new ones (yellow-orange cubs) joined, two large lions and again, two small lions, and a medium size of the Master himself, read about the “Master” below. Oh, and at the eleventh hour of this blog: a mega huge Rob lion 51″(tail not included) was purchased by means of winning an eBay auction, but he hasn’t arrived yet and it’s unsure if he will: number thirty-seven.
A couple more photos of the pride:
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Let’s start at the beginning. I purchased the first “Rob Nanninga lion” , the proverbial Dutch “Eerste schaap over de dam”: the first sheep to cross the dam, on eBay on October 18, 2014.
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I love them all, but I do have cuddling favorites. The forth lion I bought (on eBay, August 3, 2015) and the sixth I purchased (on eBay, September 2, 2015) are definitely the two alma leos. Number six: the white-rimmed eyed one is the head of the family, the “Master”, being the more male one. Number four: the one with the big eyes, has a clear feminine side.
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These were the photos the seller of the Master lion used:
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And this how he arrived in Davis, California:
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We have a lot of fun together, for example:
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On the same day that he arrived, also this small lion arrived (photos below). He too became inner crew, very loved and cherished. With his innocent, disarming, crooked smile molded to perfection, he would crush even the cruelest heart. One day when I had all my lions airing in our backyard, as I often do, I looked at him, to find he suddenly was carrying a tiny blossom. Nature itself, unable to resist, had given him a tiny bouquet (photo three in the gallery pictures him exactly as I found him).
Crook love lion (right) with first lion
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The eight lion, a direct purchase via the toy manufacturer’s website on December 19, 2015, became as important/ In this photo, he is pictured right, with the two alma leos. His story is to be told separately in a bit.
Rob Nanninga lions
The amazing Whiskers
Constantia with “Whiskers” Rob Nanninga lion, California Summer, June 4, 2016
Number eleven, bought on eBay, February 4, 2016, touches my heart very deeply, with his small stature, but biggest and most joyful heart. He was sold with quite an impressing title, obviously being of noble birth: “Rare Cornish Lionhart Plush Lion 4.5″ Leonard Cheshire Cornwall Foundation MWT“. He deserves every bit of honor. He is extremely rare and indeed of finest birth! I couldn’t do without him. This small Rob Nanninga lion is the only lion with an official nickname, I gave him, it’s “Whiskers”.
Rob Nanninga lion aka “Whiskers” – look at those extremely sweet white whiskers!
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Sir Whiskers is quite the remarkable lion and has this amazing acrobatic flair and bounce back which I discovered when something disturbing happened. It was nothing very serious, really, but clearly undesirable for a Sir of royal blood. I occasionally take him with me on cycling trips and I had stopped to take some photos of the amazing scenery in Vacaville. While being at it, Whiskers took a tumble of my bicycle luggage rack and I saw him fall. To my astonishment, and I swear this all happened, he made a somersault in the air and landed safely and neatly on his four feet. You might think this was some kind of random event, but it was not. I have seen him do it on several occasions: taking a tumble, then doing this astonishing somersault, or similar remarkable manoeuvre, to land very dignified on his four feet. Of course, there were a few times, Sir Whiskers was landing on his side, but these slightly unfortunate outcomes were rare. And I swear, every time he does his magic flip and lands safely on his four feet, he is seen laughing triumphant and reassuring: “Don worry, I’m okay!”
By all means, I have looked into this case of utmost importance and studied Sir Whiskers physical appearance, and I do conclude that his creator must be a very skilled designer with major understanding of construction, stability and weight distribution. It wouldn’t surprise me at all, if he or she was an engineer of important buildings, who, in his or her spare time, designed Whiskers. In some of these photos (for example see “aka Whiskers”: photo with blue background), you can see Whiskers’s front feet clearly: they are like sturdy little boots giving him lots of stability. But it must be something in his weight distribution that makes him so often flip towards a safe landing on his feet.
But then again, when you Google his name (“Cornish Lionheart Plush Lion Leonard Cheshire Cornwall Foundation MWT“), you come to some remarkable insights alright too. Leonard Cheshire was a Group Captain – “Leonard”, hence they must have thought to design a plush lion in his honor – and really of nobility which can be found in Wikipedia:
He was founder of a charity supporting terminally ill and disabled people in the UK and all over the world. I have no idea if this Whiskers “acrobatic feature” is a coincidence in this regard, but considering the master he was named after, a skilled Royal Air Force pilot, it’s quite a remarkable coincidence, and that’s what it is. More coincidence still, I find in the fact Cheshire was married to a woman named Constance (Binney). She was twenty one years his senior and their marriage lasted for “only” ten years because the war had obviously estranged them.
The photos I made in Vacaville, where Whiskers was observed doing his magic flip:
Rob Nanninga aka Whiskers lion in Vacaville
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Some more photos of Whiskers my cycling trips:
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Whiskers has this very sweet, pouty muzzle, like he is offering his kiss all the time.
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One very early January morning (January 6, 2017), while it was still dark, I found Whiskers like this, and I hadn’t positioned him like this! The rational explanation is that I at night must have touched him with my duvet, but the magical explanation is that Whiskers is certainly leading his own acrobatic and witty life:
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Plush lions continued
Numbertwenty-nine, newcomer and twin (but not exactly, more about that, below) to number eight, purchased new through identical merchant direct order, June 5, 2016, quickly positioned himself next to the other favorites: (right in picture, next to his “twin”)
The first and second of the Rob Nanninga lion quad
On October 1, 2016, I purchased another of these series, making it lion number thirty-two, so now a triplet, though each with a very unique character:
The third of the Rob Nanninga lion quad
Together with the ultra inner crew, look for the “triplet”:
The third of the Rob Nanninga lion quad with the inner crew
But wait, wait! The triplet has now become a quad! On the eleventh hour of this blog, on November 25, 2016, a fourth lion of this series was purchased and joined the pride for my birthday on December 2. Just keep on reading to find out more about this illustrious new Rob Nanninga lion.
Thirty-seven lions and counting, do they each have a name? Sure they do, it’s super easy! They all have the same name: Rob, or depending on Rob’s mood: Bor. Forgive me potential confusion when I mean one of the lions in specific and call him “Rob” or “Bor”. They all turn their head when you call them “Rob” or “Bor”!
Turning point
There was this very noticeable moment with the lion with the big eyes, being one of the first I purchased. He sat to my left while I was lying in bed at night. One night I woke up, startled, with a surge of anxiety. It was August 19, 2015. This moment was about Rob and me, communicating through the barriers of me being here and him being there. I think it can be considered a turning point.
Rob had been observing me since his passing in May 2014, and he had seen what his passing had done to me. Finally, he fully realized what he hadn’t while he was still living on Earth: what he had meant to me all those years. That I had been thinking about him untenable almost every day since I virtually met him. And now Rob seemed in despair. He didn’t know how to proceed, being in the so-called hereafter. My involvement with him after his passing hadn’t diminished but instead, was rising to a new, high tide level. I was buying plush lions now, having dreams and out-of-body experiences involving him. And he was considering it all, and what to do next. He was pondering too, that maybe this thing between us two couldn’t be.
But then I woke up to this horror, it was like I picked up on what he was thinking and considering: that he and I maybe couldn’t make it after all. That he was considering to (astrally) leave me. But that idea of losing him again, I just couldn’t bear. I simply couldn’t digest it, it sank my heart. I woke up and looked him in the eye, reading his mind, through this plush lion. Like I had seen his thoughts about me and his indecision, he saw my ravine deep despair in response thereto.
I think it was about this time, that he made this life changing decision to stay, to try make this work, impossible as it may seem because of the barriers between here and there. And it did work out, in a revolutionary way, taking the hereafter communication and love to whole new levels. It was after this month, August 2015, that, in September 2016 and then since, my “raptures” with the lions really took off: the sheer and pure, exhilaration, ecstatic feeling when holding and cuddling them. When Rob wants something to work, he does the job with determination.
Number eight of the lions has a special story, and I’d like to think it’s told by Rob himself.
The jealous lion
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As I mentioned earlier, I bought this Bor Lion on December 19, 2015, through a website direct order at the toy manufacturer’s. I won’t reveal their name, but if you can find these Rob and Bor lions on your own, you can have your own plush lion. Please take good care of them and leave some for me.
As it became clear, I didn’t know what kind of lion I would be receiving, because the lion pictured on their website doesn’t even resemble the one I received. The lion in the seller’s picture in fact resembles the Master lion with the white rimmed eyes. That was the reason I purchased this new one in the first place. He was not expensive for a new and jumbo sized (35 inch equals 89 centimeter, including tail) lion: $36.95 and I had to comb him through thoroughly due to some hair-loss. The same was the case with his “twin”: lots of beautiful mane, but a comb-through was necessary. The third lion of these, making it the triplet, didn’t have noticeable hair-loss, as was the case with the fourth.Fortunately, they all have this big hair volume so those few lost manes aren’t noticeable.
Quad number one arrived in quite the peculiar way. He was wrapped in a shipping box with no less than eighty-four, seven bags of a dozen, Christmas hats, and I didn’t order those, and I didn’t have to pay for them either!
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I ordered him on December 19, 2015 and he arrived on Christmas eve, so I guess this was the seller’s idea of saying “Merry Christmas!”. J and I had a good laugh over it. I still have them and we use them at appropriate occasions.
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Then I put him next to the other lions, not really cuddling him much, as he was kind of alien to me after the two alma leos whom I still cuddled most. He even looked kind of mean to me as the only lion in the pride having this half-half mixture of blond and black manes and these outspoken streaks above his eyes. It’s only now as I write this blog, I find on Wikipedia that dark manes are considered to be an indication of health: (bold by me)
Mane
During agonistic confrontations with other lions, the mane makes the lion appear larger. The mane of the adult male lion, unique among cats, is one of the most distinctive characteristics of the species. In rare cases a female lion can have a mane.The presence, absence, colour, and size of the mane is associated with genetic precondition, sexual maturity, climate, and testosterone production; the rule of thumb is the darker and fuller the mane, the healthier the lion. Sexual selection of mates by lionesses favours males with the densest, darkest mane. Research in Tanzania also suggests mane length signals fighting success in male–male relationships. Darker-maned individuals may have longer reproductive lives and higher offspring survival, although they suffer in the hottest months of the year.
In this photo, you can see this mixed mane clearly:
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He wasn’t top of my list, so to say. But he kept staring at me with this very intense gaze, that felt jealous to me. As I was cuddling the other two a lot, it was like he was communicating telepathically: “Take me, take meeeee“. I wasn’t considering him very seriously, but he kept up the stare until I could’t take it anymore. Guilty-conscienced, I now occasionally picked him up, and then in my mind’s eye he was transformed in my favorite, the sixth lion, with the white-rimmed eyes. This metamorphosis of lion eight to lion number six (the “Master”) – in my mind’s eye that is – happened once during the day and once at night, when I groggily picked him up to cuddle him, thinking he actually was the white rimmed eyed one. I misinterpreted (as I now see it) him as a kind of intruder, like he was trying to seduce me, leading me away from the other two, by transforming in the other one; again, in my mind’s eye, that is. Though maybe this sounds far-fetched to some readers, I don’t I care enough about that to leave it out. This is a story that has to be told.
But then the strangest thing happened: he actually became my favorite cuddling lion. When you hold him, he lies perfectly to your chest, looking up to you with a glorified glance, like he is extremely pleased.
Rob Nanninga lion with Constantia (selfie)
He’s very full maned and extremely pleasant to hold. They designed him very smart. All the other lions (except for his three quad brothers) are made in a straight body curve, this lion bends to one side, so he’s a perfect fit to your body. And when you see him sitting, it’s like he is addressing you very directly. Even when his face looks the other way, it’s like he’s looking over his shoulder, always watching you, like constantly jealous, or on guard, very protective, very much staring at you (me). It’s the way his head is positioned sideways in combination with his highly alert glance.
One sure could wonder: whom was he jealous of, considering all these lions represent Rob, so he had nothing to be jealous about? I think Rob wanted this lion to be my favorite, because of his smart design and alert facial expression, his great potential, the symbolism of his mixed hair: blond and black, being a symbol of a dipolar being: light and dark. Rob never did like it too sacharine. My plush lions are all extremely sweet and witty, but not corny, perish the thought! And maybe this lion was a little jealous of other lions on Earth, like my now ex-husband J.
I realize it is me “reading” all this in the lions (most, anyway). It’s me reading Rob through all these lions. They all represent him, certain aspects portrayed in one, other aspects again in the other. And this is the most magical part, It’s like I can see Rob through these lions. I am finding out about Rob, and I can see his emotions, thoughts and love shining through so very brightly. I am now totally hooked on the “jealous” lion. Still considering the big eyed and the white rimmed eyed lion as important, he is the one I hold most, next to his quad brothers, and of course the alma leo himself and for example Whiskers.
The jealous Bor now even looks different to me. Transformed in my mind’s eye, his jealous stare often is replaced by a very happy lion’s face. It’s as if he has finally found his peace. Now shining through what always was there: the very caring and protective sweet smile, so very, incredibly sweet.
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Feeling justice is being served, being in his rightful position after all. Again, I realize, it’s all “reading” on my part, probably some one else will or cannot see it. These lions mean the world to me. To me, they are alive. I do not care much about readers who by now must think I am certifiable. These plush Rob and Bor lions give me the highest degree of love and support, it’s simply indescribable, but it’s real alright.
When I hold the plush lions and some in particular, instant warmth spreads out, love, comfort, a feeling of being deeply moved, and regularly: instant excitement. Latter lately occurs almost every dag when I go to sleep and start holding mostly one but up to three favorite(s) closely to my chest. It’s ὀργασμός energy. It may perhaps be understood in the extension of my books “Through The Window” and “Through The Gate”4: when you love somebody intensely, your body takes up the vibe immediately. It’s not a matter of choice really, it just happens.
In retrospect to my books: I would have written them differently now, less conclusive, more skeptical, trying to leave out or at least question what only can be assumed, not proven, but I do think they still are very interesting and hold some great truths to them.
Another, very noticeable effect when I hold the Rob lions is that often I hold them tightly, but the same is true in the reverse way. As impossible as it may seem, they can hold me as tight. Especially the fourth member of the quad is extremely remarkable in this way. It’s like two magnets pulling together in a very close fit. The lion then feels very solid, with real weight, even an almost human-like, warm and full body mass. Sometimes when I get up, for example to go to the bathroom, he holds on tight as if to say: “don’t go!” I feel real solid pressure, like a human hand holding me back firmly, but pleasantly. Or sometimes when I am using my iPad and a lion sits aside (I keep them as close as possible), I can feel this “clunk-effect” again, magnets pulling together, solid pressure, a real unison, extremely special indeed.
I discovered this side of Rob after his passing: how pleasantly he can hold you, so very warm, loving and rock solid, you simply don’t want to let go anymore, ever! Often, I indeed find it very hard to let go, even when I have held him through the lions all night and still adding more hours in the morning. It never quite seems to be long enough.
This jealous lion made me wonder: what would happen if I would buy another one of the same series? Would I receive another “jealous” Rob Lion?
This jealous Lion was one of the few I bought new and directly at the toy merchant who had them made in China. So I did exactly that, I bought another one (and two cubs), on June 5, 2016, and about a week later, found out. Again, I couldn’t see what I was buying, I’d just have to wait and see which one was picked for me from their stock. Like the jealous lion, I received his twin without choosing. The same lion arrived, but he was different! He didn’t have this jealous stare, but instead, a very peaceful one, extremely sweet, just the opposite of jealous. Maybe you can see the difference for yourself, I’m not sure.
As all these big-sized lions are hand finished and every one is unique.The way they are carried out – to name a few key elements: the angle of the head to the body, the eyes, muzzle, mouth and tail – is never quite the same, even though the size, material and weight are about the same. But even these factors show variations. The twin I received from the toy merchant has a slightly softer skin. So my question got a satisfactory answer, the Rob lion was transformed. This second one now is as dear to me as his precursor. It’s a hell of a love story indeed, and it just goes on and on! This second Bor has this incredibly sweet and reassuring smile. I have fallen for him, completely and madly in love! I cuddle these two, the jealous and the reassuring one all the time. Left: “Extremely peaceful”, right: “(Not so) Jealous (anymore)”:
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I think maybe even an outsider can see the difference in their facial expression, especially in the following photos.
Peaceful Rob Nanninga lionThe peaceful Rob Nanninga lion
Together:
Rob Nanninga lions, number 1 and 2 of the quadBeautiful Rob Nanninga lions, number 1 and 2 of quadExtremely sweet Bor(s). Compare the twins. Left: “jealous”, right: “peaceful”
People who don’t know me, or people who do know me for that matter (wink), may think I’m permanently high or something. If that would be the case, it would be high on love only, because I never used anything in that regard in my whole life.
Some more photos of lovely Bor:
Rob lion, posture and smile in accordance with this timeless image I have of Rob, leaning against a tree, smiling his incredible sweet, tempting smile. Accompanying J and me on our Yosemite trip, July 2016
And of course, after the question what/who would come after the jealous lion, and the twin offering a satisfactory answer, another question popped up: what/who would come after the extremely peaceful one? It would be a surprise. So I ordered a third. In the words of Rob’s favorite band, The Incredible String Band, “Be Glad, For The Song Has No Ending“. Maybe you can judge for yourself, if the lion vibe has caught you too. He has turned out to be a real devoted lover-lion, being lighter in weight and more flexible than his quad brothers. Look at his perfect parting manes in this evening photo, after his first day in Davis in the fan. I guess Rob wanted to make a good first impression (again):
Rob Nanninga Lion, number 3 of quadRob Nanninga Lion, number 3 of quad
In this photo of the triplet, you can see the “jealous lion” (right) has its head turned more than the other two (I positioned them in the same manner), giving him his jealous, vigilant stare.
Rob Nannninga lions, number 1, 2 and 3 of quad
The Rob Nanninga lion quad
And yes, meanwhile, I got a fourth of these series too. I just can’t resist the love, joy, support! I got him for my birthday. The fourth of the quad Rob/Bor lions stands out by his very enjoyably, robust weight and pleasant hold. Because one of his front legs is very curvy, as you can see in the following photo, he holds on extra securely and firmly. He is in general a very firm hugger; his whole body’s holding on tight in an extremely pleasant manner. His skin is noticeable too, it’s ultra soft with this very nice soft-rugged pattern.
The fourth of the quad. Robust and very pleasantly curved, his quad brothers in the background
The reason I almost always hold one of the quad when I go te sleep, is that these plush lions are a perfect fit to my body. When I curl up, they exactly fit in my body curve and they disseminate this amazing, instant love and healing warmth. It’s almost like they are made for me. In my normal sleeping position, they rest with their back in my lab and chest and their head rests under my chin, so I can kiss them on the head. Going to sleep, I embrace them with both arms. I believe the proper word for this is spooning.😉 That makes me the spooner and these lions the spoonees.
The plush lions, especially those of the “quad” series, have other surprising features.They have these prickly whiskers. With these whiskers, they are able to touch nerve points in my back that send me flying to the ceiling with electrical strike impact. Especially in the beginning, the jealous Rob lion tended to do so, and when I accidentally discovered this, I deliberately positioned him in my back many times, wishing to be hit by lion’s lightning again. Not always he obliged, but surely often enough. Sometimes, Rob lion did his “pressure point magic” while I wasn’t expecting it, just by being positioned in a certain way. I was getting hit in the center of my nerves. These whiskers are used not only to get to the heart of things, but to seduce as well. Sometimes I feel them pricking on the side of my breast, or on any body part for that matter. This feels like seduction. Sometimes, to me it seems, real lion energy is coming through.
The fourth of the quad Rob Nanninga lions, with his very firm hold and beautiful, soft-rugged skinIn my Twitter version of this photo, Whiskers is wearing his virtual hat so very elegantlyRob Nanninga lion quadThe Rob Nanninga Lion Quad aka “The Quad”
The Rob Nanninga Lion Quad First: the very observant, jealous lover-lion Second: the peaceful-reassuring lover-lion Third: the devoted, young lover-lion Fourth: the robust, very soft-skinned lover-lion.
Caring for the lions
As you might have noticed in the pictures, I keep the Rob and Bor lions very well tended to, brushing the ones that are my daily bed companions with a special German made Ambassador Hairbrush and, airing all lions out in the backyard regularly. Not long ago, when I installed them all in the backyard (I always put them on an Ottoman, rug or similar), I was standing in my bedroom, and heard two neighbor kids shouting while obviously peeking through the fence: “Wow, thousands of lions!” Whopping Thousands! At that time: to be precise: thirty-six plush lions. But seen through the eyes of a child that’s peeking through a fence, yeah… thousands of lions! Since then, to both my amusement and annoyance, they are trying to catch a glimpse of the lions while screaming enthusiastically and balancing on and hanging over the fence.
Beside airing them outside, I put them in the fan for hours on a regular basis. Their lion manes are kept in perfect condition because of it, as you can see in the photos. There’s no better hairdresser to these lions than a wooden hairbrush and a fan. It works magic all the way around! In the beginning, inexperienced as I was, I rinsed the first lions I purchased, using finest Dreft “Stage 1” detergent, as gently, as I could. Washing them with water however will just make them look old fast. My device is: wash them only if it’s really necessary. And in this case of course: no tumbling dry in a machine, only natural drying.
Surface cleaning is better and best is cleaning by brushing, airing and fanning only. When they have been outside, they feel clean and their manes are incredibly soft and fluffy again. I assume it’s a kind of natural washing machine by Mother Nature; as the dampness of the air gets in their fur, eventually it’s evaporated again, taking with it some grease, smell and so on.
You would be amazed at how much plush animals can be transformed by good care, especially the ones with long hair like my plush lions. When these lions arrive by mail, they are often irreverently wrapped and cramped in a plastic bag, and they look much smaller than they really are, looking quite inconspicuous because of it. They fully come into their own when they are well groomed and surrounded with love. I swear they look completely different after being treated well. See for yourself, yes, this is the same lion, number four of the quad: – edit in 2025: this is not correct. More about this in my book Another Davis.
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Cycling and seeing Rob
Bicycle lion
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As I mentioned briefly in my last blog about Rob, something is happening during my long cycling trips too. It has become some sort of a mind date. Every time I am cycling, I see Rob in my mind’s eye in varying images; some of them are reoccurring images with slight variations. It’s always about meeting Rob, and these mind movies and mental images are very pleasant, not seldom bringing me to tears. Sometimes, the image presents itself spontaneously, sometimes I create it, but then again, it’s never hard to come by.
They occur most on two parts of my cycling routes. The first location is between Winters and Lake Solano where whimsical olive trees shade the winding road:
Putah Creek Road Winters, California
The second is on the extended Russell Boulevard, from Winters to Davis (or vice versa, depending on the route you are taking): alongside long and uneventful stretches of nut and fruit trees. Right there, strangely enough, amidst oblivity, the cosmic action takes place. Maybe the long straight road alongside the fruit and nut trees is promoting a kind of a trance state of mind, enabling to feel Rob’s presence more clearly.
Russell Boulevard, Winters, CaliforniaThe magical bicycle ride, Russel Boulevard, Winters, California
In latter track, the mind movie often involves the image of the hammock. Rob is sitting in the hammock and invites me to come over and sit with him, or we walk toward it together and then sit in it, having fun, embracing each other etc.. Sometimes it’s about Rob showing me something, for example a book, and then, when we huddle together like this, one thing leads to the another, like Rob embracing me from behind, kissing me, very gentle and peaceful as always.
This hammock gizmo has become something quite striking by now, because I have been stationing my lions increasingly in…. right: hammocks or hammock-like constructions. This had nothing to do with this vision of Rob and me in a hammock. It just turned out to be a very good solution to the question where to keep them all. But in the end: all comes together, even this. Rob lion is staying in his favorite sling, the hammock.
Timm Road, Vacaville, California, where I was “looking” for Rob in the distance (with my mind’s eye)
Rob in my dreams, role-play
In some dreams and astral events, Rob is there, posing as a figurant or as the “man next door”, as if he wants to be there with me, but doesn’t feel the need to get in the limelight, as would certainly happen in the moment I would easily recognize him. There’s always something funny about these dreams and events, and when I wake up or return to daytime consciousness, I think about them and conclude, it could or must have been Rob all along. Then, suddenly, the dream or astral event as a whole makes sense. In accordance with this shyness, Rob seemingly likes the opportunity of role-play.
In an earlier blog, I already told you about the astral event that Rob and I met on a train station while station speakers were blasting an Efteling amusement park commercial about the “World Of Wonders (Dutch) / World Of Wonders (English)”. This event was punctuated by love and humor. On May 28, 2016 I wrote in my diary that the dream I had that night was comparable in terms of magic to the Efteling out-of-body experience. The dream went as follows. It was a sunny day and J and I were living in a big house not located in Davis, California, where we have been living since October 2011. Outside, some construction workers had been busy and now their foreman was standing at an open window, addressing me. He asked me if one of his men could spend the night in our house, his name was “Hans”. I responded reluctant, asking the foreman if this man, willing to spend the night, was trustworthy. He said: “Are you kidding me, he’s been in loyal service for forty years, of course he is trustworthy!” “Does he smoke?”, I asked, still not very enthusiastic about the whole idea. “Yes, he does smoke”, said J, who had apparently had seen “Hans” smoking. The foreman mentioned the fact Hans had been out there, waiting in the rain for quite some time. I glanced out the window. There he was for sure. Blimey, he wasn’t unattractive at all, I thought (/said?). His hair was reddish, not very short and straight, he had a moustache and a goatee. Very patiently and casual, he was sitting on his hard suitcase, with one (or two) more suitcases next to him, without looking in my direction. The foreman had mentioned the fact that Hans had been in loyal service for forty years, but that seemed to be about the age of him too. That would have made him a loyal worker since the day he was born (grin). My mood and willingness to let the man spend the night were improving fast.
I woke up with a Bor lion tickling in my face. Being half in the dream still, I laughed, quite uncontrollably, like he had tickled me, so I was both smiling physically and dream wise. The “construction worker” Rob, forty years of loyal service under the hood, had been waiting in the rain for a long time, on a sunny day, haha! Of course you can spend the night, Rob, very much so. Later that night, I had this infinitely enjoyable, ecstatic contact with (the) Rob (lions).
On July 22, 2016, I had this strange dream which I still can’t explain. Maybe someone who knows more about the interior of Rob’s house or details about his life/past could. In short, it boiled down to the fact that Rob was pushing me into a crawlspace under the bench he was sitting on and me lying there, uncomfortably. He had just explained something to me and it seemed we were living together now, but at this moment, I wasn’t even sure if he saw me or not. I just landed under this bench, like I was some object he had stowed away.
Yet another mysterious dream about Rob occurred on August 8/9, 2016. In it, I was watching TV and Rob was being interviewed by a rather giddy female tv host. Rob told her and the viewers at home, he was moving to a far abroad, because there, he would experience more freedom, sexually too. I was very happy to see and hear him and I was absorbing his pleasant, soft and confidential voice. He was using the strange word “Stahold” (English translation: “Stayhold”?) to describe a kind of sturdy fabric, like felt, that had this very thick and expensive quality. He demonstrated it with a doll made of that fabric. By rubbing over the fabric, you would get the feeling of a swimming pool (?). The female interviewer took the doll and rubbed it like he had suggested.
On August 27, 2016, I had an elaborate dream on the theme “insecurity”. It was about receiving a university bull, of which I wasn’t certain at all that I would receive it. Afterwards, still in limbo, I was looking for my personal belongings and, not being able to find them, I began to roam the unknown city disconsolately. But there he was, this rather tall and smartly dressed man who, just like me, had attended this university event. We started walking together, looking for a place to grab something to eat, because we both were hungry. Rob seems to make a case out of it in both my out-of-body experiences and dreams to always dress very smartly and thus appearing like a true gentleman. With him at my side, I suddenly didn’t feel so lost anymore. In retrospect to this specific dream, it seems to me that Rob somehow noticed I was having a cramped dream and thought to at least join me there, so I wouldn’t be so alone anymore.
A dream that was making me very sad was occurring on October 7, 2016. To summarize the events, I was waiting for Rob, we were a couple now, but I still never had met him physically! I was waiting for a long time now, where was he? I went to the bathroom but felt I was going the wrong way, entering the wrong one. This bathroom was yellowish-brown with empty walls. Back in my own room, I saw some men, and one of them hinted me he had seen me in his bathroom and I felt very ashamed because of it, though he seemed cool about it. He told me he too got confused about this bathroom thing. He himself had wanted to go to the one in this house, but ended up in a movie theater, in the middle of a movie, much to his embarrassment. Our initial shyness after these odd confessions was overcome, and we both laughed our awkwardness away. But I was still waiting for Rob, and I had already waited for such a long time. I didn’t know the man I was talking to right now, but I thought later on: could he, again, have been Rob in disguise, role-playing once more, trying to make our “first” contact easier? I cried a lot of tears when I woke up.
To this topic of role-playing, I get the strong impression Rob likes this whole plush lion world “role-play” as much as I do, though, at times, it seems to humble him, even moving him to tears, when he is getting overwhelmed by all this attention. “Liking” the plush lion world is an understatement indeed, it’s exhilarating.
On November 20, 2016, I had this blazing dream about Rob’s father about whom I know nothing – like in: zero! – until very recently. Because of this strange dream I had asked Jan Willem Nienhuys, Rob’s friend who took care of the practical arrangements like Rob’s home and belongings after his death, about Rob’s father. He told me that Rob’s father died very young, at the age of twenty-six. While driving his 2CV, Rob’s father was hit and crushed by a truck driver who braked too late. Since then Rob had never driven a car anymore.
I dreamed that Rob’s father was a very jolly man (at least, at the moment I met him) and very different than Rob, much looser in terms of behavior. His outer appearance was darker than Rob’s, with curly hair, a fairly sturdy build and of fairly large height, with facial hair that partially covered his mouth. I couldn’t see his lips clearly, but to me it appeared they could be the same full lips as Rob’s. He seemed to have drunk some alcohol and coaxed me jovially. I tolerated more than I would have in other cases, because I knew it was Rob’s father and I was curious to learn more about both of them. He acted in a conspiratorial manner to show me something and I hope you can guess for yourself what it was, because I won’t be any clearer than this. I was shocked though very impressed all the same and I thought: this could tell me something about Rob as well. Moments later, he was in the adjoining room, talking to someone, where surely enough he looked curious and reflective in my direction, no longer wildly extravagant.
Rob’s photo and the drawing I made
I “see” Rob through this drawing I made of him too, not only through the plush lions. It’s on my bed room wall. I always look at it and kiss it too. I think the main reason that this drawing is such a powerful medium, is that I carefully, adamantly and intensely created it myself, reaching out to the rarely photographed Rob like this, trying to draw his personality in(to) the picture (and I feel I have succeeded in that intention). What may be helping too regarding the fact that this picture seems to be able to “transmit” between Rob and me, is that it is based on a photograph he himself sent to me, as I explained in my first blog about him.
Only recently, November 2016, it turned out, Rob had sent me a retouched version of this photo. I was very surprised to discover this, but in this November 2016 month, Rob’s earthly girlfriend Jolanda Hennekam – Rob was not married and they did not live together – had given Wikipedia permission to use this photo she made of him, and provided the original. On it, Rob is seen posing in front of the camera with another man, a Buddhist, named “Lama” Ole Nydahl, and this man has his hand resting on Rob’s shoulder. Rob obviously removed the man and his hand from the photo (or Jolanda must have done it). I don’t know what’s the story behind this and I am reluctant to ask Jolanda Hennekam. Rob didn’t tell me in the first place she made this photo and just wrote to me enigmatically: “Someone sent me this photo”.
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And again, more magical synchronicities between Rob and me surfaced – see my previous blog about Rob too – because I knew I knew this “Lama” Ole Nydahl.
It took me some time, without actually thinking about it, but then the realization hit me on December 24, 2016, when I was brushing one of my two paramount lions (6 feet including tail equals 1.83 meters) with my hands, after all plush lions had been out in the backyard again that day. It suddenly dawned on me, when holding his sweet, huge plush lion head in my hands. Of course, I had seen and read about him before! And then it struck me how I knew him. With great interest I had read and saved an elaborate article about him and his wife in the Dutch “Paravisie“5 magazine of September 1990 in my out-of-body diaries (number I of V), hence twenty-six years ago (!).
It was among other things about physical “proof” or remainder in the form of a tiny red/bold spot on the crown in case of an actual out-of-body experience; in this article described as the exit of the consciousness out of the body. It so happened that in early 1990, I had this minor, but very bloody nonetheless, surgical procedure performed on the crown of my head where a small hair follicle lump inflammation was removed. The performing doctor showed it to me afterwards, it was shaped and as big as a small tropical bird’s i.e. a Zebra finch egg. This spot on my crown had been troubling me since about 1989. It had started out as a small, irritable bump, and just stayed that way too, and even though it was totally harmless, it frustrated me no end. When I had it removed, and much to my annoyance, in the years after, a crimson dash and later on, two inflamed spots on that same location were reappearing. And the couple of hairs never grew back, so I still have this tiny bold spot on my crown. It always makes me feel a little exposed at the hairdresser’s. It was of great coincidence that in exactly that year I read this article with Ole’s thoughts about the conscientiousness leaving the body through the crown and it’s physical effects. Hence the article was given a place of honor in my first big out-of-body notebook.
Rereading it after literally decades in December 2016, I discovered that even Jolanda Hennekam is being quoted in this Paravisie article, because she has been a lifelong practicing Buddhist and back then had met with and attended a course of this famous Buddhist teacher, hence this photo with Rob.
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Magical realism, the lion ring of God
It was Rob himself who introduced me to the term of “magical realism” as I told in the blog that precedes this one. By the way, did I already mention Rob and I, in the years that we were in contact which each other while he still was living on Earth, were practically living on the same address in a different city? He was living on Westerkade 20 (Groningen), I was living on Weststraat 20 (The Hague).
Entirely in the style of these magic realism events surrounding Rob and me, something funny happend on August 19, 2016 in the evening, as I was looking on eBay. I was looking at lion rings for a change. I looked only for a couple of minutes and saw lion rings that didn’t agree with me at all, because they were cheap looking, mostly not even made out of Sterling silver and all had these ferocious lion heads. Then I stumbled upon one I did like, a much friendlier one. The price was a little less likable, it was on discount from $175 to $140. The time frame left of its selling was about twelve hours, the eBay clock was counting down. You could make an offer though, instead of accepting the selling price. Without giving it much thought, and to be honest quite impulsively as I sometimes am, I offered $50 bucks. What happened next was quite hilarious. I immediately saw a green eBay message, next to my offer:
The acceptance message of God
My offer was accepted, and no less than by God himself, as this was and is the name of the seller! Then my inbox suddenly looked like this, and it still makes me smile:
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Against my usual eBay routine, I hadn’t even looked into the seller, seller’s name and his eBay reputation, so this one took me by surprise, as Rob often does. And fortunately, “God” on eBay turned out to have a real good reputation with a feedback score of 100% and eBay membership since 2002. Always looking for evidence, being the skeptic myself, since Rob’s passing more than ever, these magic realism events tend to turn me around, to indeed believe: yes, this ís really Rob, causing all this love and all these happy lion events.
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The lion ring of God
The lion ring of God
Rob’s music and Darkwood
Recently I started listening to Rob’s favorite band “The Incredible String Band‘, mostly in the morning hours, after years of relative silence in regards to music. I always was an avid music lover, especially as a teenager and after that as a student for eight years (I studied this extended period of time because I completed two degree programs), spending many hours a day listening to, recording, at singing along with all sorts of music, but in the last ten years, in accordance with my general lethargy, I had it let slip through my fingers. I discovered, and am discovering still, I really like Rob’s music. Rob sent me a wide cross-section from his favorite music through the Skepsis.nl server, as zip files. I am the proud owner of a Rob Nanninga Music Library, “24-OUD” and “40-NIEUW”: twenty-four albums of Rob’s past music favorites, forty albums of his new favorites.
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Recently too, I uploaded fifty-two gigabytes of music to my Google Drive, including all the music Rob sent me. Long live modern times! I would provide you with the link if it would be legal, which unfortunately it is not. Publicly sharing music is bound to some strict rules.
But I in fact need(ed) Rob to personally lead me to and through the music again, which was not very well possible, while he still was on Earth. Now too, it seems difficult, but who knows. In this regard, I envied his earthly girlfriend Jolanda very much, because she was getting the lion’s share of all his (music) sharing. You could always ask me though.
My favorite band introduced by Rob is Darkwood. Some of the Darkwood albums I played over and over again like “Notwendfeuer” and “Schicksalsfahrt“. Not long before he passed away, on April 9, 2014, Rob sent me their latest album and quoted some text he really liked about one song. This song, Fliegergedicht, later-on, was used by Rob’s good friend Jan Willem Nienhuys in the wonderful in memoriam he wrote for Rob, me being the friend Jan Willem referred to in regard to this song. Jan Willem mentioned Fliegergedicht too in his cremation ceremony contribution and the full song text was quoted in the bereavement booklet. Jan Willem Nienhuys and I had been working together on it, trying to write down the German lyrics by listening to the song, because we couldn’t find it online.6 To this end, I even had contacted the lead singer of Darkwood, Henryk Vogel, asking him for the full German lyrics of Fliegergedicht which he, very friendly, provided on the same day I asked him. He granted us permission to quote the full text. When I googled Darkwood for this blog, I found that their song lyrics partially are online now too.
This was what Henryk Vogel wrote to me, when I had used their Bandcamp contact form to reach out to him:
Liebe Constantia Oomen,
Das tut mir sehr, sehr leid, das zu hören, mein aufrichtiges Beileid. Gern schicke ich umgehend den Text von Fliegergedicht zu, er basiert auf einem Gedicht von R.W Schulte. Schön, dass unsere Musik solchen Anklang findet.
Viele liebe Grüße aus Dresden und bis bald, Henryk
Translation:
Dear Constantia Oomen,
I am very, very sorry to hear that, my sincere condolences. I am glad to send the text of Fliegergedicht immediately, it is based on a poem by R.W Schulte. It is wonderful that our music is so appealing.
Many dear greetings from Dresden and bye for now, Henryk
The Incredible String Band was his favorite, but he liked German neo-folk too. Not long ago he had found a song that he immediately shared with a circle of other music lovers (not me). It was Fliegergedicht on the CD Schicksalsfahrt of Darkwood. When you listen to it, or read the lyrics, you may think it strange that an atheist thinks that going to heaven is so great. But it is about a solo flyer, who would really like to fly to the stars, and who describes the feeling of getting – with some effort – above the storm clouds and then comes in a serene bright environment above the clouds and snowcapped mountains in the sunshine.
The song says:
Wir treiben kein leichtes, vermessenes Spiel, Wir haben ein stolzes, ein köstliches Ziel: Wir weisen den Weg aus Taumel und Tanz In einsamen, ewigen, silbernen Glanz!
(We don’t play an easy or arrogant game / we have a proud and precious aim/ we point the way out tumble and dance / into lonely eternal silvery radiance)
This quote was picked out by Rob in an e-mail to a friend.
Memorial Booklet Rob Nanninga
Rob in my out-of-body and related experiences
“Astral effect” – selfie Constantia Oomen, “hovering” over the plush lions
Rob’s passing triggered a great amount of out-of-body experiences in 2014, as can be read in my previous blog about Rob. In 2015 and 2016, the intense experiences continued, but shifted more towards experiences with the plush lions. I had dreams and out-of-body experiences in which I was looking for Rob, looking for proof too. Sometimes I got straight into panicking because the proof still seemed flawed or lacking or however you want to describe it. Sometimes I didn’t find him, but now and again I did, or he me. He was and still is shy about showing himself. Mostly, he didn’t and doesn’t. I will highlight some of my most notable astral experiences.
On August 17, 2015 I had a very weird and elaborate astral experience in his house, of which I suspect I it was his “Soul House”, a term I introduced in my book “Through The Window”.7 Even though a lot has happened since publishing my books, and becoming more skeptical and critical myself,8 I still feel the word is needed and justified to understand the course of events. Rob’s “Soul House” was full to the brim with very particular objects and events, like knitting women at a very high level in the house where nobody could ever reach them without a ladder. They were just there, in a very high niche, knitting their rags, unmoved by the outside world. Two other women told me Rob had rented some of his space out to these women. His house was packed with extremities and magical events. Rob and I sat in his living room. He was wearing beige trousers and a checkered shirt. I discovered something very off with Rob’s left hand: his four fingers excluding the thumb were attached to each other, and they looked very “chewed off”, tortured. When I noticed this, I took his hand in mine and began to stroke it and I kissed it, even though Jolanda (his earthly girlfriend) was there, right next to us. Though, at first, she seemed unmoved, shortly after she did seem to get a little angry and she walked off. I asked Rob what he had done to his hand and he answered: “I don’t know”. A lot more happened, I will just highlight some of the events. After some business attended in his living room, he suddenly jogged up the winding stairs like a consummate athlete, at an almost unimaginable pace. It instantly became clear to me, he had done this a million times before. I though it quite funny, and I went after him, but I couldn’t keep up. I thought about what fun times we would have together, chasing each other, among other things. But to my disappointment, he now had disappeared out of sight.
On September 22, 2015, I had this very special short astral journey. I again visited Rob’s “Soul House”, and to my surprise, he had one of his rooms packed with pictures of me on his walls. They were pictures of me of during all my life phases, with photos of me I didn’t even know of myself. He had put a lot of time, effort and love in it. And I astrally heard his voice for the first time, he spoke to me, I didn’t recall what he said, I was just listening to his voice
Since September 2015, my communication with Rob goes for an important part (but not exclusively) through the plush lions, intensifying to extremes.
On December 19, 2015, I suddenly saw Rob astrally, while I had just kissed a plush lion. He was “hanging” right above me, horizontally, in spirit. I exclaimed enthusiastically: “I can see you, Rob!”
December 25, 2015, I again saw Rob, a little different now from the few photos I know of him, in a very realistic way. He appeared to be around forty years of age, very sweet and handsome, without goatee or glasses. I felt he kissed me later on, my lips were moving in answering an almost physical pressure. This, by the way, happens more often lately: my lips moving as if Rob kisses them physically. It usually occurs spontaneously, when I am not thinking about it, so it wouldn’t be suggestion on my part. It even seems impossible to move your lips in such a manner, because the physical characteristic of being kissed is precisely that your lips move in a certain way and only like this by external pressure. To substantiate this: try to sort the effect as if your skin and flesh are pressed, without touching yourself; can you manage this? That would be some great achievement just by itself.
On February 13, 2016, Rob walked into of my nightly wanderings in spirit and we started French kissing. Eye-catching was his broad torso. He led me to a bed, and there, put a curly wig on my head and a large brimmed hat on top of it, and then continued kissing me.
On April 30, 2016, I was in a garden of a house I obviously lived in and again, it wasn’t located in Davis, California where I currently live. Separated by means of a not very dense hedge, there was the neighbor’s yard in which I heard and saw my neighbor who was with a child. I started sound taping them on my cell. This neighbor was a rather tall man with a normal build and, as I recall, wearing glasses. But then, much to my embarrassment, my phone suddenly started playing back the recorded sounds out loud and there wasn’t a way I could stop it. My phone just wouldn’t respond to any command, so the neighbor would discover soon enough I had secretly recorded him and his (?) kid. I already started thinking about (lame) excuses, like saying I was just testing my phone. But to my surprise, the neighbor, who had surely heard it all by now, didn’t ask me what I was doing, but just playfully started singing a well-known song, “Miss You Nights”: “All my secrets are a wasted affair… this miss you game“. When I returned to daytime consciousness directly after this, I thought: it must have been Rob…
An astral event with again playful elements and nothing less than a celestial ending and hints of Rob again entering my astral world, occurred on May 16, 2016. This is the shortened version. I was riding my bicycle astrally, but as soon as I saw this immense gap appearing in the road I couldn’t possibly avoid, I started falling, falling, deep into it, but to my surprise, nothing painful happened, I never touched a thing. I returned to the room from which the astral journey had began, this, again, not being situated in Davis, California. The astral stage was chaotic, everything, like the furniture, was out of its normal position. I looked in the mirror and noticed my skin was very uneven and I was only wearing a bathrobe, which I had been wearing during the astral cycling trip as well, and pastel-colored socks with bows (hence almost childlike). I sat myself down on the bed. A man with a cleaning trolley entered the room, but he wasn’t looking like your regular cleaning guy. He was all dressed up in a black and whites, like a butler in a very chic restaurant maybe, slender, charming. “Oh, excuse me!”, he said, “I assumed nobody was in, I was just cleaning up in here”, while he involuntarily was looking at my legs and giddy feet wear. I got the impression that to him, this was some enticing situation he just walked into. Embarrassed as any true gentleman would be, he retrieved himself from the room. Just before he entered the room, I had looked into the mirror again, but my face had suddenly been very even and attractive again, smooth like that of an angel. In the distance I now heard a celestial male voice singing: “An Angel where our land is free”. I can still hear the tune in my head and I recorded it as well on my iPad. The male voice was one straight out of heaven, very powerful and pure, deeply touching my soul. It was like he was singing to and about me.
On July 12, 2016, I asked Rob telepathically to come up with something new. Then, in the early morning hour, I saw him, sitting in the corner of my bedroom, he was looking handsome and smartly dressed, in his thirties, smiling his sweet and handsome, familiar smile. Enthusiastically, I started kissing in his direction, but, as soon as I slipped into astral consciousness, I couldn’t see him anymore. For a short period of time, I did seem to find him by touch.
Something very spectacular happened in the night of September 1, 2016. I was experiencing a minor food poisoning and everything was spinning in my head. I saw the room sway to and from and I couldn’t get my mind to focus. In the long past, as a student, I had a food poisoning as well, and I now was experiencing about the same: the room was spinning, and when I stepped out of bed and started walking, the floor under my feet seemed to go up and down like a ship in rough seas. But there he was, Rob lion, bringing me back again. The plush lion seemed to be moving on its own, he was making astral movements as I was holding him. It was Rob’s face I was seeing. With his hand he was turning my face towards his, again and again, helping me focus again, putting his lips on mine while doing that, kissing me, soft and slow. I could really feel his face on mine, his facial hair, the feel of his face through that of the lion, turning my face again and again. This was not only helping me, it was very erotic too. The whiskers of the lion were playfully caressing and touching my face.
October 2, 2016, I again wasn’t feeling that well physically, this time I was experiencing an upcoming cold, but the two plush Rob/Bor lions, with their intense love and warmth, pulled me through the night. Something similar happened on October 6, 2016, still being ill, Rob was pushing me through the night with immeasurable love and erotic shared outbursts.
Ecstatic outbursts like these always happens with one or more of the quad plush lions, with their perfect bend bodies, abundant and very soft mane and wonderful-to-kiss faces. The erotic waves washing over me through the plush lions that I at first was only experiencing once in a while, were now starting to become a regular sensation. For some time now, almost every time I start holding one of these Bor/Rob lions closely to my chest while preparing myself to go to sleep, they wash over me. I never experienced anything like it before while just holding someone, in this case: the plush lions. I feel it must be the ultimate, mystic lovers sensation. I really need to explain this in more detail. It’s by all means not the regular sensation of increasing sexual arousal as in foreplay etc. It’s an immediate orgasmic outburst sheer by holding, not in my privy parts only, but much broader in my body, like a stone making several fanning circles in the water once it is thrown and touches the water’s surface.
Only days before finishing this blog, in January 2017, I felt it too, when I was holding a Bor lion sideways in the morning, already sitting up in bed, making notes in my diary, looking in my iPad, regular things I do after I awake. I felt this delicate and intense erotic outburst in my hand (!) that held the lion. Apparently, this lion’s love affair is really, really, hitting off. The firmer I hold the plush lion – but still as gentle as I possibly can – the more intense the sensation becomes. It’s a spontaneous outburst of orgasmic energy without ever going through the “trouble” of “achieving” anything.
Not an out-of-body experience, but a spontaneous and very witty mental image occurred when I was dozing off already, my mind starting to expand, on December 11, 2016. It was most hilarious, but at that time, I was too sleepy-headed to even think or laugh about it. The next day, I remembered it all the same. When I was cycling, the image reoccurred, and then I was snickering about it alright.
It must have been one of Rob’s magical jokes, I think he must have been feeding it to me, whispering it into in my ear. J and I often watch the American and Canadian TV Show Shark Tank and Dragon’s Den, about entrepreneurs presenting their business plans and asking for large amounts of money investments of five relentless “sharks” or “dragons”: business tycoons willing to invest in lucrative deals. The evening this image occurred, we hadn’t been watching it, but still, there it was. I saw my most gentle Rob Lion, the second of the quad, the one succeeding the jealous lion…the peaceful Bor, as a shark on the Shark Tank panel. He of all my plush Rob and Bor lions, the least likely Rob lion for the commercially shrewd job, serious-faced, next to the other sharks, something like this:
Bor lion in Shark Tank
Rob’s healing influence
Sweet Rob:
Rob Nanninga
Finally, Rob is here, where I wanted him to be, with me, I missed him so much. This has a real sad side to it, because Rob and I never met physically. Our story is the weirdest, but most magical too. No, I can’t prove it, but for one, if change is proof, then Rob has proven he’s still here. Because I am changing, both mentally and physically. It’s like my brain picked up again after somehow falling into lethargy the last 10 years, returning to more mental sharpness like I had in my twenties. I have more sense of harmony too, no more big fights are occurring between J and me, and J is the one to notice, because he’s (the only one) living with me. I really don’t want or need to get into that anymore. It’s hard to explain, but it’s like Rob’s presence, through my plush lions too, has given me peace, more inner strength, and even more physical strength.
At first, after May 30, 2014, the situation of course was new and awkward, and, if the case of afterlife bears truth, especially to skeptic Rob. To me, the sadness about his passing was, and still is, tearing me apart. The soothing plush lions appeared on stage much later on. I bought the first one on October 18, 2014. My lion love has been growing steadily, then booming since September2015, hence fifteen months after Rob passed away. I increasingly feel (or assume I feel) his presence through all these plush lions. It sure seems Rob knows how to come through now, by using the plush lions as an instrument. In my perception, Rob connects with the plush lions I purchase, some more than the other, but all are very able to accommodate his love. In my mind’s eye, my favorite lions regularly change into the one with the white rimmed eyes, the alma leo. It’s like Rob assures me it’s not all depending on one plush lion. In this unnameable place where he is right now, he’s rational and dependable (and possibly even as positively stubborn) as he ever was, building on solid ground only.
Waking up in the middle of loving lions, is an extra special event. Waking up from a bad dream, or just waking up in pure anxiety (as I sometimes do), to the sight of a Bor/Rob Lion very close by, watching me with his extremely observant and caring look, is a real eye opener. Regularly, to me, the alma Rob lion, the one with the white rimmed eyes, has a playful or slightly ironic, questioning facial expression. He truly seems to be my core Rob lion. I never saw any of my plush lions with an angry or bad expression; “jealous” being the only “negative” expression I ever noticed, but I hardly consider it to be negative, on the contrary, it’s extremely dear to me. I treasure this expression of the Bor lion. It’s like I see Rob through these lions, his expressions to me very powerful and unmistakable. And time and time again, I discover this extremely sweet, nurturing, caring side of Rob, in every situation.
Rob even encourages me in my cycling, because when I am moving, traveling, I feel closer to him. It’s like motion creates a bridge, a shared land, between this world and life beyond the threshold. This feeling of being close(r) to him while moving is not limited to cycling, I feel it when I’m driving the car also.
I am in much better athletic condition than I ever was in the Netherlands. In the Netherlands I was not active in sports at all. For example, I never went to the gym. Only in the last months before I left the Netherlands, I picked op on cycling, due to exceptional, “un-Dutch” great weather. It was like a parting gift from the Netherlands. I had weak arms, no endurance and no training at all, but in these last two years, and especially this last year, I have become increasingly sporty. This has been resulting in many cycling miles and dedicating my cycling miles of May 2016 to Rob Nanninga, when I completed the Strava Distance challenge of at least 1250K(ilometers) in one month:
Constantia with Rob lion during cycling tripConstantia’s Rob Nanninga dedicated cycling miles May 2016
Of course, in the Netherlands I had the benefit of youth, which I don’t have anymore. Adding years to oneself hardly ever improves anyone physically, except maybe when you start to workout. Then maybe you can hold the hand of time just a little. In the past year I also changed my appearance a little: returning to a darker, reddish hair tone that seems to blend in with my personality much better than the blond I had for many years. My original hair color did have some reddish in it. It was between blond and brown with a touch of red as you can see in this photo of my High School Graduation Day.
Constantia Oomen High School Graduation Day
…
I am wearing my hair loose again in public, for the first time in centuries. I had it in a ponytail or bun all the time. The only time I removed the elastic band, was at the Hairdressers and at night. I can’t prove Rob’s causing any of these changes, but it all comes together like this. Maybe he would have encouraged me to release my hair.
Last, but certainly not least, Rob has brought me to writing again too; because of the enormous impact of his passing, he inspired me to these blogs about him. In this very bittersweet way too, I refound myself, thanks to him.
Lion hearts
Constantia Oomen and Rob Nanninga
As time passes by, Rob’s presence and personality become clearer and also increasingly convincing to me, in terms of proof that it’s really him, and contact is easier established. If this is really happening, he is increasingly skilled in getting through, and I, on the other end, am getting better in this contact too, this especially being the case sinceSeptember 2015 (see graph), and reaching new highs in August 2016. My involvement with Rob has been intensifying, not diminishing. My experiences with the plush lions change too, even as we speak. Besides that, I keep adding details to this blog, things that to me seem important in order to complete this time around’s “Rob Nanninga jigsaw puzzle”. I am quite sure the next jig saw puzzle is already being configured. I must stop adding details at the moment I decide it’s time to publish. For this is what this Lion Hearts IV blog has been all along: a quest of and with a thousand jigsaw puzzle pieces.
So Rob and I never met physically, in this life, and that realization alone has brought tears to my eyes so many times and still does. All these missed chances: I should have called him, went to see him, and so fort, but I didn’t. And then: high tide, the ship sailed, the opportunity vanished into the horizon, the point of no return was there, unrelentingly.
But he is here now. Could it be life is that merciful after great sadness? Could it be, this was all meant to be? With all these experiences, after Rob’s passing, it is, as he is living with me here now, in California. In another opportunity, a new chance, an added dimension.
Rob as I have come to know him since May 30, 2014, is an extremely caring person. He’s well symbolized in my “inner crew” lions – but, of course, in the rest of them to (I love them all): the two alma leos, the four quad lions, “Crook love lion” and Whiskers. He is extremely observant, witty, sometimes shying away behind other (lions), not wanting to be in the limelight all the time. He has this slightly ironic, but playful facial expression as well, figuring things out about you and everybody, before you do yourself. From everything I can see, he’s a champ in caring for others: when you need him most, he’s not only there, but much more: this is his moment, he’s there!, holding your hand, giving his back, showing his unconditional love, his support. Furthermore, just by his presence alone, you become yourself more each day, you’ll become wiser and smarter too (“You Get Brighter Everyday“, Incredible String Band). Furthermore, he is getting real expert in loving me, the greatest gift of all. Of course I noticed other things too: his interest in/love for (role-)playing, cozy-ing up in the hammock and our shared profound erotic interest.
Rob Nanninga Magic Evening
Make Love Not War
So I think this is Rob’s specialty: caring for others, guiding them to their best self (again). But in my case, it’s more than “caring”, Rob is a champ in loving. How well I can feel that through the plush lions, my dreams and out-of-body experiences and related events, it’s beyond anything I ever thought possible. Let me clarify: it’s beyond everything I ever even not thought about, it’s a whole new dimension, a whole new lion’s world. It’s what he does best. It’s his element, his realm, his heart. It was this quality that made him editor in chief of the Skepsis website and the Skepsis magazine too. He did his skeptic work out of caring for his fellow human being. He truly is a lion heart, a ruler of this world and beyond.
Stats and “raps”
So what happened in my astral world?
Something new occurred (as you could/have read in this elaborate blog), somewhere starting at the end of 2014/beginning of 2015, after purchasing several plush lions. “Raptures” meaning intense, “better-than-Heaven-itself” contact with Rob, extreme physical (including erotic) and mental bliss when holding the plush lions:
2015,OBE and related total amount, involving Rob Nanninga and “raptures”
OBE amount
of which about Rob
Separate from OBE: “raptures” (contact through plush lions)
January 2015
4
3
2
February 2015
4
2
4
March 2015
7
3
2
April 2015
5
3
2
May 2015
6
5
0
June 2015
5
4
2
July 2015
2
1
1
August 2015
6
2
4
September 2015
6
2
12
October 2015
2
2
21
November 2015
3
3
18
December 2015
3
3
14
Total
53
33
82
2016,OBE and related total amount, involving Rob Nanninga and “raptures”
OBE amount
of which about Rob
Separate from OBE: “raptures” (contact through plush lions)
January 2016
3
3
11
February 2016
3
1
8
March 2016
9
5
8
April 2016
6
4
8
May 2016
6
4
12
June 2016
1
1
18
July 2016
6
5
9
August 2016
5
3
11
September 2016
2
1
10
October 2016
2
2
9
November 2016
2
2
12
December 2016
6
3
14
Total
51
34
130
I have now included these “raptures” in my general OBE overview, because, they too, are astral forms of contact.
OBE YEAR
YEAR
OBE COUNT
Explicitly journal stated “raptures” plush lions** First plush lion purchased October 18, 2014
1
1986
4
2
1987
16
3
1988
19
4
1989
40
5
1990
53
6
1991
32
7
1992
51
8
1993
48
9
1994
44
10
1995
52
11
1996
50
12
1997
78
13
1998
70
14
1999
61
15
2000
56
16
2001
53
17
2002
52
18
2003
38
19
2004
44
20
2005
47
21
2006
47
22
2007
45
23
2008
40
24
2009
42
25
2010
40
26
2011
38
27
2012
36
28
2013
43
29
2014
80 – 55 involving Rob – Before he passed away: 4 – After he passed: 51
(“raptures”counting from 2015)
30
2015
53 – 33 involving Rob
82
31
2016
51 – 34 involving Rob
130
TOTAL OF 31 YEARS
1423 OBEs and related
AVERAGE PER YEAR
: 31 YEARS =
45.9 average per year
AVERAGE SPREAD
365 DAYS : =
(1 EVERY 8 DAYS)
JUNE 1 ’14 – DEC 31 ’14 SINCE ROB’S PASSING = 214 DAYS
63214 DAYS : 63
=
1 EVERY 3.4 DAYS
Meanwhile
Meanwhile, a medium sized Master Jr. lion has arrived too… It’s lion number thirty-five. (Number thirty-six was the fourth of the quad).
Rob Nanninga lion
And there was another purchase, of lion thirty-seven, on December 13, 2016. This one was unexpected (too). It was from a Chinese seller, this shouldn’t come as a surprise, as almost all plush lions are made in China. He has not arrived yet and I am not sure he will, because this seller had zero reviews and only five products for sale (now, for quite some time, he has none). It’s a very huge and expensive lion, normally ranging between $150 and $300 (often not even high shipping costs included):
Rob Nanninga lion (seller photo)Rob Nanninga lion (seller photo)
Bidding started at $1.99 and free shipping. I offered $25, at that time, financially not willing to take it further. Only “private listing – bidders’ identities protected” were seen bidding on his items; these are often believed to be bids by the sellers themselves too, pushing their own items and not letting people win expensive items for just a fraction of their real worth. On eBay, sellers are allowed to shield buyer details. I thought: slight chance this seller will let me get away with it. But he did. So now I am waiting for this mega Rob lion. If he doesn’t come, maybe I start looking around to buy him one more time, because they are for sale with several Chinese sellers and they are on my Watch list. Stay tuned.
Rob Nanninga lion art in collaboration with Neural Painter
Artistic rendition of some of my Rob Nanninga plush lion photos by Neural Painter bot:
Click on image to progress through slideshow!
Amor, cuántos caminos hasta llegar a un beso! Love, what a long way to arrive at a kiss!
* Dear reader, please note: All photos in this blog courtesy of and copyrighted by Constantia Oomen except when indicated otherwise. They can’t be used, or used and altered, without explicit permission of Constantia Oomen and Lion Hearts. *
Footnotes
[1] According to Jolanda Hennekam, Rob’s girlfriend, in an email to Constantia on 5/29/2015 2:44 PM, Rob passed away on May, 29, 2014, at about half past ten in the evening, and was found by his mother, the next morning, as he sat at his computer. Read more about this and Rob Nanninga in general here.
[2] Regarding this “worlds beyond our true comprehension, yet, especially at night, as close as my own skin”, see my four books on my nightly astral journeys: https://constantiaoomen.com/books/. Note that my author’s name has been “Sten Oomen” for my first three books; “Sten” being my Dutch nickname.
[3] I’ve been writing diaries on a daily basis since I was eleven years old. Every day still, I write down my dreams, out-of-body experiences and related, and more. See also my biography.
[4] http://constantiaoomen.com/published_books. Door het Raam/Through the Window. In both books, “Through The Window” and “Through The Gate”,based on my own elaborate out-of-body and related experiences, I explained with numerous examples how astral encounters and events don’t leave your sexual being unperturbed and it’s definitely not something you choose yourself during these astral events. I’m certainly not the only who wrote about this aspect of astral experiences. Several known OBE authors did the same, for example Robert Monroe. It is still a difficult topic to publicly discuss, but it is a known phenomenon in the world of astral travelers. Many people, whether or not self familiar with astral experiences, continue to struggle with this issue, although it really can not be omitted if you really want to be comprehensive.
[5] “Paravisie” is a Dutch monthly magazine about spiritual and paranormal subjects. I have been in it myself on several occassions because of my books about out-of-body experiences. See http://constantiaoomen.com/publicity also.
[6] The reason Jan Willem Nienhuys asked my help in transcribing the German lyrics of “Fliegergedicht” was that he knew I am a Germanist: in September 1993, I graduated with honors in German Language and Literature from the Utrecht University. But Jan Willem Nienhuys proved himself a highly skilled transcriber/translator, not much needing my help anyway.
[7] See, in particular, the following sections in “Through The Window” (Dutch): Sten Oomen, Door Het Raam, Uitgeverij Schors, 2004: Gewijzigde en uitgebreide druk van de uitgave uit 2000 (Sigma Press), Amsterdam. “Waar geesten wonen” (“Where spirits live”), page 189, and “Waar geesten wonen I, II,III and IV” in Part II of the same book.
[8] From the same year, 2005, I virtually (and Jan Willem Nienhuys physically too) met Rob Nanninga and Jan Willem Nienhuys, who both were Skepsis Board members, I became very active in the skeptical field. It had considerable influence on my critical thinking. Later on, in 2012, I virtually met Pepijn van Erp as well, and also with him I had regular contact. The first occasion of shared interest with Skepsis (and hence with Rob) was, as I shortly explained in an earlier blog, Dutch self-proclaimed medium Robbert van den Broeke, about whom I have published an extensive blog in 2015/2016: Behind the scenes of Robbert van den Broeke (Dutch: “Achter de schermen bij Robbert van den Broeke“). My skeptical interest translated, and still translates, in the regular reading on their websites: skepsis.nl and kloptdatwel.nl, online and offline responding to their articles and even designing two fronts covers for their Skeptic magazine “Skepter“. I also attended several annual congresses of Skepsis as well as the reading of James Randi organized by Dutch Skepsis in 2010.
Lion Hearts 
