Nine previous Lion Hearts blogs have been published. I haven’t followed a timeline in years, cross my heart and hope to die, but I realized a few months ago that Rob and I have a ten-year Another Davis anniversary on May 30, 2024, and this should not go unmentioned. After all, on May 30, 2014, he was found physically deceased behind his computer. As a result, he had left Groningen and, based on my findings, moved in with me in Another Davis. For convenience, I will omit the quotation marks around Another Davis in this blog. The perfection of the cosmos remains awe-inspiring, as Lion Hearts Part X, ten, now coincides with this ten-year milestone from 2014-2024.
May 30, 2014. And still May 29, 2014, in Davis, California. I felt it, even without knowing. An icy hand had gripped my heart. And then the knowing came too, when Jan Willem Nienhuys emailed me. J. Hennekam said that, in her view, Rob had not died on May 30 but on the evening of May 29, 2014, and that was Ascension Day. Despair set in, the search for Rob on the other side. Finding him too. The marriage with my ex, fraught from the start on January 6, 2005, was officially ended by the court on April 8, 2018, but I had been alone since the first half of 2017 when my ex suddenly left the house and immediately entered multiple relationships. I suspect that he mentally detached from me definitively on the day of Rob’s death. My ex is not clueless and likely sensed that it was over. It was certainly not clear to me in 2014. But Rob came and stayed. Looking back at who I was in May 2014, I can say that Rob might have been right when he mused aloud to me on June 12, 2012, “I certainly don’t think we are destined for each other or anything like that. I don’t think we have much in common and if we were close to each other, we might end up arguing within a day.” I was indeed far too immature (a late bloomer). Only after Rob’s death did we truly develop a good understanding. I see our failure before May 2014 primarily as my ‘fault’. For instance, I now feel much more relaxed about whether or not one ‘must’ be 100% vegan. I also understand that skeptics do not accept what they consider excuses from people who claim to have out-of-body or near-death experiences, about why they failed to provide evidence (such as reading normally invisible sequences of numbers placed high above the operating table, specifically set up to prove that consciousness can exist separately from the physical body). After all these years, the need to be right at all costs no longer interests me. What matters to me now is my love for Rob and our shared skeptical and relational interests, because yes, they were and are abundant. Only when he entered his new state of being did Rob acknowledge the depth of our connection and decided not to leave me alone. And should all this turn out to be different (which would give me infinite sorrow, which fortunately is not possible since existence would then be finite), the love I now feel from Rob remains the same. After his passing, Rob enveloped me in love and support, swathed me with endless patience and warmth, steering me away from a marriage that had completely derailed me. I finally began to see that a good relationship is supportive and can only succeed if both partners hold and propel each other with the greatest imaginable love.
Magical realism in reality
Another Davis began very early in the Lion Hearts blogs. Rob and I organically ended up there after his passing, but it was Rob himself who, from the very beginning of our contact, essentially introduced it. This began with his story and explanation of magical realism on February 25, 2006—the world in which all events almost magically align, everything has meaning and purpose, wondrous yet still real things happen, and nothing is coincidental. (See Lion Hearts III and Lion Hearts IV)
Rob Nanninga, February 25, 2006: “I can still remember one time in a dream where I saw the solution to a puzzle in an adventure game. That was quite handy because then I could finally continue with the game (the solutions were not available on the internet back then). I have also had a precognitive dream, which many might consider convincing evidence of precognition. I became somewhat superstitious for a while after that, but that gradually faded away. After that, I only entered into a sort of paranormal trance once. That was during a short vacation in Bruges where I attended a multi-day fairytale congress with two others. That week resembled a magical realist novel. A lot of surprising things happened and miraculous coincidences occurred that were all interconnected, as if nothing happened by chance. Just like in a good novel, I could detect foreshadowing, symbols, repetitions, reflections, parallels, leitmotifs, and double meanings everywhere. Although this was naturally due in large part to my own creativity, the events certainly lent themselves much better to such an analysis than usual, so much so that it also caught the attention of my travel companions. After I pointed out the common thread to them, they could follow it well. It was during this visit to Bruges (a real fairytale city, but somewhat bourgeois) that I decided to write a critical book about parapsychology. I told this to an American first. Right after that, I went to the book fair in Frankfurt to buy some recent professional literature from the US, which at the time took months to arrive if you ordered it from a bookstore. Among other things, I bought the book “The Psychology of the Psychic.” It had a chapter on coincidences that appealed to me greatly. After that, I didn’t experience many meaningful coincidences anymore. Or did I? On the day I had my manuscript duplicated at the copy shop to send it to publishers, unexpectedly, the American showed up at my doorstep, whom I hadn’t spoken to since Bruges.”
Rob was/is an extremely well-read person, and you could tell, in my opinion, from all his emails. Anyone who, like me, reads the relevant chapter will discover that the authors indeed provide very solid counterarguments regarding things considered ‘too coincidental to be chance.’ The explanation often lies in the fact that people only want to see the success stories and not all those other cases where things just went about their ordinary course without divine peculiarities. It remains Rob’s strength that he keeps things open, even in this email to me, as he ends with yet another very nice case of ‘improbably coincidental.’ Although I have few of these kinds of emails from him in which he discusses his own ‘paranormal’ experiences and things like magical realism, they provide a pleasant segue for me to establish a simple definition of magical realism in reality. I choose to fill this in, trusting that Rob and I are an entangled pair and are on the same page, with the term ‘synchronicities.’ In this blog, I want to introduce the ‘new’ value of magical realism for real life, not just as value in magical realist novels. Magical realism as an existing value in reality is based on ‘very strong coincidence’ and synchronicities. Very strong coincidence refers to events that seem to coincide or happen in a remarkable way without a clear cause or connection. These could be situations where different events are interwoven in a surprising manner, or where something unexpected occurs at a moment that is particularly relevant or significant. It can also refer to events that seem extremely unlikely but still happen. Synchronicities are events that occur simultaneously in a meaningful way, without a clear causal connection, but are perceived by the individual as related or meaningful. With what I consider a good example of synchronicity, I begin this blog: At the moment of Rob’s passing, I officially knew nothing, but in exactly the same timeframe that Rob passed away, I was suddenly overwhelmed by a profoundly negative mood where everything seemed completely black and meaningless. “Very strong coincidence” and “synchronicities” have a strong overlap, with the difference being that synchronicities involve strong coincidences happening at the same or nearly the same moment in time.
A few examples of situations that can be considered “very strong coincidence”: I strike up a conversation with a complete stranger during one of my bike rides, and we discover that we were born on the same day, in the same year, and even in the same place. Examples of synchronicities: You’re grappling with a particular problem, walk past the bookshelves in the library, and a book falls out that contains exactly the answers you need. Another example: You’re considering making an important decision and suddenly see a car with a license plate indicating something like “YES” or “GO AHEAD.” Rob Nanninga actually had a nice example for this in his book “Parariteiten,” but managed to ‘explain it away,’ and it speaks to his credit that he made a reservation expressed in the sentence: “In this case, it could be that…”
These examples of magical realism illustrate how meaningful coincidences can occur, where events are mysteriously and seemingly unrelatedly connected. My idea about this ‘new’ scientific value (yes, I dare), is that it is increasingly happening, or rather, people are becoming aware of it, when they are alert and look up more for answers and beyond a linear concept of time. This brings the idea that we may live in a matrix into play as well.
I’ve now let AI assist me for a moment, and I must say: AI is very helpful in this case.
My question to AI was:
How are the idea of living in a matrix (simulation, life as a kind of game, hologram idea, etc.) and the phenomenon of synchronicities intricately intertwined, if they are at all?
AI was not shy in their response:
“The idea of living in a matrix (simulation, life as a kind of game, hologram, etc.) and the phenomenon of synchronicities can be intricately intertwined in the following ways:
Control and Programming:
In a simulation or matrix theory, it’s assumed that reality is controlled and programmed by a higher intelligence or advanced technology. Synchronicities, also known as meaningful coincidences, can be seen in this context as programmed events deliberately embedded in the simulation script by this higher intelligence to facilitate specific experiences or insights.
Meaningful Patterns:
In a simulated reality, the experiences and events of individuals could potentially be consciously designed to form certain patterns and meanings. Synchronicities can be interpreted as indicators of these patterns, reinforcing the illusion of deeper meaning and connectedness in life.
Consciousness and Perception:
The hologram or simulation concept suggests that what we experience as physical reality is a projection perceived by our consciousness. Synchronicities can then be seen as moments when consciousness ‘notices’ certain connections or symbols within the simulation, making it seem as if these events are meaningfully linked.
Information Exchange:
Within a matrix or simulation, information can be exchanged in ways that may not be possible in a ‘real’ physical world. Synchronicities could then be examples of unexpected information exchanges or ‘glitches’ in the simulation that stimulate awareness and growth.
The Role of the Observer:
In both simulation hypotheses and synchronicities, the observer plays a crucial role. The idea that our perception influences reality aligns with quantum physics and the observer effects often associated with synchronicities. This may suggest that the matrix is influenced by what its inhabitants believe and perceive.
Existential Questions:
Both concepts raise existential questions about the nature of reality and our existence within it. They suggest that there is more than what we perceive with our senses and that our experiences are part of a larger, perhaps intentional design. Synchronicities can be seen as clues that encourage us to look beyond surface reality.
This intertwining provides a framework for understanding synchronicities within the context of a simulated or holographic reality, where such experiences can be meaningful as ‘bugs’ or ‘features’ of the matrix that give us a glimpse of the underlying structure of our reality.” (As per AI)
AI suggests here, simplified in my own words, that our world might be the creation of a very high intelligence and that synchronicities are built-in game elements meant to help us delve deeper into our reality. And I asked another question to AI:
Do you think there could be a meaningful connection between the existence of synchronicities and the possible existence of a Multiverse?
Here too, AI was not shy to respond: “There could be a meaningful link between the existence of synchronicities and the possible existence of a Multiverse. Synchronicities are often seen as meaningful coincidences that defy logical explanations, suggesting that there is a deeper connection between events, beyond our usual understanding of cause and effect. The concept of a Multiverse, where multiple, perhaps infinite, parallel universes exist, could provide a framework for understanding how such seemingly unlikely events could occur. If these universes occasionally intersect or influence each other, that could explain why synchronicities occur. However, this is speculative and remains a fascinating subject for further exploration in both science and philosophy.”
I want to summarize this for my readers who might be leaning back in their chairs, a little startled, with: “There is so much more.” 😊 But again, in my own words: In moments of cosmic rift, the different versions of the multiverse intersect, leading to very strange and stubborn coincidences, synchronicities. An example: that book falling off the shelf, and it happens to be the perfect book for your problem, is caused by the tear in the Cosmos from the other you who just pulled that book out of the shelf and dropped it. With this blog, I hope to stimulate serious exploration of these ideas.
Rob became inadvertently more concrete, clearly leaning towards the multiverse idea, when I introduced him to the movie “Another Earth” in 2011, which he then watched himself, and from November 8, 2011, jokingly began signing some of his emails with “Bor” instead of “Rob.” (See Lion Hearts V).
The battle
For the writing of this blog, I naturally had to revisit all my previous Lionhearts blogs. There I stumbled upon my own intimate revelations, both about my marriage to my ex and much more about the intimacies between Another Davis Rob, the lions, and myself. I hadn’t forgotten these, but apparently, I had parked them in a far corner of my mind. I must say: this now brings me, in 2024, to a new sense of embarrassment. I’m not going to retrospectively withdraw some of the very explicit confessions; what’s the point with the Internet Archive, and some people have already read them anyway? Perhaps I’ve become more Americanized, more prudish, if you will (not in actions, but in the thought that you shouldn’t lay everything on the table). Also, now being 56 years old, I might be a bit calmer and more cautious. Well, what’s done is done? Or perhaps not, wink wink, in the multiverse worlds and versions? Every disadvantage has its advantage: with the richness of details, it serves as a living and breathing brain on which I can rely solidly as my years begin to count. Perhaps there are also people who appreciate that I was so explicit. Desperately, I wondered how I could ever continue on Earth without the physical Rob. The answer was: “I can’t.” The answer still is: “I can’t.” Rob was already during my marriage, when he was still physically on Earth, my only beacon of hope. I hadn’t even realized that all those years since 2005, when I virtually met Rob, but this became painfully clear on Ascension Day 2014. Life tries to coax me time and time again, my body cells want to survive, my body whispers escape routes and ideas to me so it can survive itself. The dramatic event with the two Henryk Vogels is one of them (see here, here, and here). The immense sorrow over Rob is still there and is greater than all the tricks human nature wants to play on me. Our love is greater. But life kept clinging to me, and still does. The past ten years have been inhumanly heavy, especially in terms of loneliness, and no, I’m not exaggerating here. Due to the disruptive effect of my marriage with my ex, I have become unaccustomed to engaging socially and physically, and progress in this area is only happening in micro steps. Sometimes it seems like I don’t even want it anymore. I also struggle quite a bit with my body, especially at night. Although I wrote earlier this year that I had “stopped taking paracetamol,” I must now retract that statement. Yes, I was so proudly abstinent for five months because of nighttime stomach pain, but it turned out that quitting didn’t bring relief. On the contrary, the discomfort in and around my stomach area seemed to worsen. Possibly, the damage or hypersensitivity is simply irreversible. And the annoying pulsating of the vein in my left temple usually stops when I take paracetamol. Overall, it seems that especially my head greatly appreciates the substance. The ten years between Rob and me were a constant eruption of love, that was the other side. Rob, the skeptic, continued the adventure with me from Another Davis, as best as he could. Certainly, he too has fought a battle. The effort on both sides is immense. I dare to say all this in the blessing that comes with the idea of the quantum entangled couple. After all: we don’t even have to ‘try’ to reach each other, we are already together without visible or invisible lines. Breaking our quantum entanglement would, I think, only be possible if the shared core of love were no longer there. Iopt out on that one, and I hope Rob does too. This was and is a relationship that has gone through all the ebbs and flows over the past ten years.
And time and time again, when I was at my wit’s end, the flame beneath my earthly despair and loneliness began to flicker, encouragements came, and still come: “Hang in there!” Let me give a few examples. I’m completely in love with the new inner crew Rob Nanninga lion “Surprise” with his beautiful soft mane, his attentive and lightly ironic, heavenly eyes. I’m head over heels for all the inner crew Rob lions, and the infatuation strikes again and again. And last March, my mind made a beautiful connection: the lion had literally arrived like a ball, and another word for ball is “Orb.” That word is itself a skeptical wink because “orbs” in photos are often seen by paranormal believers as spirits or energies. Suddenly, the word Rob rolled over to Orb, and then I immediately had a new name tag made for Rob Surprise Lion. My mind then continues to play with the name of the new Rob lion: Surprise Orb, Supreme Orb, Sublime Orb, Superb Orb, Super Orb, Stunning Orb…
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Another morale booster this year was when I Googled the name “Roelof Hendrik Nanninga” once again. And Google said, “Pop!” A new discovery once again highlighted the healthy, skeptical, resistance-offering power of the Nanninga force. Not Rob, but likely a relative of his with the exact same name and location in Groningen, popped up. A Dutch resistance hero who had hidden weapons for the Germans, was subsequently arrested and imprisoned by those same Germans, but fortunately lived to tell the tale when he was liberated by the Americans in 1945! Given the age, he could have been his grandfather or a brother of a grandfather. It seems too coincidental that someone with the exact same name and also located in Groningen was not related to Rob. Such new pieces of information, like when I managed to dig up Rob’s media appearances at the Beeld en Geluid institution, provide fresh fuel for my Rob-flame.
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Pseudo-skeptical, unbelieving, and disapproving scoffers and deniers came and lingered. I pay no further attention to these individuals, but I still want to mention them once. Nevertheless, our love triumphs. Surprise! We are still standing. After ten years. And as far as I’m concerned, we will always continue to do so.
Multiverse
I recently replaced my iPad Pro, unfortunately just a bit too early for the latest version (secretly, I’m a bit annoyed, perhaps replace it early). After that, I subscribed to an Apple TV subscription again because: free for three months. And as the first thing, after binge-watching the entire Harry Potter series, I randomly clicked on Apple Originals and watched those. And indeed, there, with iron determination, Apple also presented quantum physics and cosmic insights. The Apple Originals 2024 series “Dark Matter” and “Constellation” revolve entirely around this theme, and so do the Apple Originals 2023 series “Crowded Room” and the movie “Ghosted.”
Two screen-photos of the Apple Ghosted movie and I added the cat in the fridge.
Nothing happens by chance, it seems time and time again. That’s precisely what I’ve been preoccupied with since the beginning of the Lion Hearts blogs: trying to determine ‘where’ Rob is now, if he still exists, and how our relationship extends so far across the universe and even beyond the universe. I’ve delved into highlights of quantum physics several times in my Leeuwenharten blogs, such as in Lion Hearts VII, quantum entanglement like with Schrödinger’s cat, the multiverse idea, and the (quantum) entangled pair.
“The idea of a second, twin or Counter-Earth is not the same as the concept of a Parallel or Multiverse world. The two concepts do have in common that they both suggest that strange things are going on in our universe, and that there’s much more than meets the eye. ” Lion Hearts V
“My impression of the existence of “astral”, parallel, multiverse worlds is that together they enable a continuum. One world is attached to the other, and together the worlds form an infinite “DNA” strand, through which people also travel, creating an eternal link of interlocking possibilities. ” Lion Hearts VI
Hot stuff! Just to be clear: I know very little about quantum physics, and the cheese not even vegan, as I’ve been eating some goat cheese occasionally lately (that’s new, I hadn’t done that until around 2023). I’ve been assisted by AI in the following piece of text, and I’m putting it forward not only for you but also for myself. I haven’t fully grasped everything yet. But then again, who has? Hopefully, someone with a sharp quantum physics mind can build on it in a positive way.
Can we continue to exist? Can different parallel worlds coexist, as proposed in the many-worlds interpretation of quantum physics? In this interpretation of quantum mechanics, all possible outcomes of a quantum event become reality, but in separate, parallel universes. This means that there may be versions of us that continue to live in other universes while we may be dead in our own universe. Although life and death are absolute states within a single universe, the multiverse offers a perspective of a kind of continuity of existence. What is the influence of the observer, and is the observer actually the key? In the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum physics, the observer plays a crucial role: the state of a system (the superposition in which something is indeterminate, both dead and alive) is only determined by observation. This reminds me of the process of reading books: as soon as you open a book and continue reading, the characters ‘come to life’ again, in a unique way for each reader. Think also of the classic “Die Unendliche Geschichte,” which introduces this principle in a grand manner: as soon as you open the book, the story comes to life and ‘continues’. Michael Ende says something that I imagine aligns with the role of the observer in quantum physics. He suggests that the book belongs to no one and is different for everyone (see the last image in the gallery). So, the observer determines, in line with the Copenhagen interpretation. Although the many-worlds interpretation is less dependent on the observer for determining outcomes, the observer experiences only one of the many possible outcomes in a specific universe. This concept of the multiverse makes us contemplate the infinite possibilities that may surround our existence.
Michael Ende – Die Unendliche Geschichte – Thienemann Verlag
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You could simplify this principle even further to just one single unit: Love. As long as there is Love, the subject of that love is also alive. But I don’t mean this only theoretically, but truly alive and breathing. And because this is a blog, I can simply say this without having to prove it under laboratory conditions. Now that the phrase “laboratory conditions” comes up, I want to revisit what I said earlier about the difficulty of proving the existence of out-of-body experiences, in which I myself did not succeed sufficiently. If indeed a multiverse exists, it could be that you project into the ‘wrong’ multiverse, preventing a conclusive match with the version where you are physically present at that moment. Only an out-of-body experience with clear consciousness in exactly the same multiverse would then have a chance of success. Believe me, I’m not secretly trying to convince skeptics, I’m simply presenting it as a thought, a possibility. But this is not fantasy. Rob is truly present. His influence is felt day and night, as seen in my previous blog Syncblast 2024. I even believe that Rob not only protects me but also my bike, the Trek 7.3 that saw the light of day on Monday, June 3, 2013, and that I have been riding for over 10 years now: the red bike that faithfully accompanies me. Another lucky ten-year anniversary!
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Yes, I believe that Rob’s influence extends so far, and much further. The (pseudo)skeptics, like Pepijn van Erp, haven’t dared to challenge me regarding the Leeuwenharten blogs. Oh yes, he considered it (tell me it’s not true, Van Erp), he was already working on it. But they can’t win this battle because love conquers all. Always. Strange things happen in this regard as well, things that make me think that the cosmos and Rob are not exactly gentle when it comes to protecting me, because they do. The stakes seem to be extremely high.
The Davis house
This house where I’ve been living since October 2011 is a laid-back and, as far as I’m concerned, magical-realistic house. As seemingly? easily as my ex walked out the door here in 2017, that’s how attached I am to this house. In this house lived my housemate Jocelyn. When my ex left, I found myself in an acute financial attention situation. I started looking for housemates, and Jocelyn was the first to walk in here as a candidate through a Facebook advertisement. From the summer of 2017 until the beginning of the pandemic, I had housemates. I immediately liked Jocelyn. She stayed for two years to complete her bachelor’s degree in Psychology at UC Davis. Then she left back to Los Angeles, where her family lives. We didn’t keep in touch. But then there was a surprise here. A snippet from her email, which I received on March 9, 2023: “[…] I always thought you were a cool and interesting person despite us not talking for a while. And over time my appreciation for the experience at the house has grown, as well as an interest for Dutch culture. I made a friend from the Netherlands and we like to share things about each other’s cultures and have even sent gift packages with things like snacks/foods from our countries. (It turns out I’m not the biggest fan of licorice…) In fact, I am making a trip with my brother to Europe later this month, visiting the Netherlands, Belgium, and France for 1 week.” I even received a postcard from the Efteling, where she had been. She didn’t know that this meant something to Rob and me because she hadn’t read my blogs. All of this was such a surprise to me that, as far as I’m concerned, it falls under magical realism. Suddenly, I also knew who I could leave my concrete belongings as well as my digital legacy to, see my previous blog for that. It all fell into place; she has even started learning the Dutch language, she knows me and the house, and she’s also a Leo by zodiac sign. When she left as a housemate, she gave me a small plastic lion. It now sits by a portrait of Rob. Since mid-April 2024, she has been living with the Dutch friend and his parents to explore how the match works. She’s quite a talented artist, as seen in image 1, and in image 2, a photo of her visit to Bataviastad:
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When I asked Meta AI to depict Another Davis and described it in just a few sentences, I had to endure a lot of junk results. But suddenly, a stroke of luck appeared, as almost always happens with me. A house that seems to have been sawed in half, with a small part on the left to refute that idea. First, a “Huw” flashed through my mind, and then a “Hey!”. I live in the right half of a teal (blue-green) colored, wooden duplex house with a slightly sloping roof, as seen from the street. But I absolutely didn’t ask Meta AI for this! The next day, I saw even more striking details in this coincidence: the exact color of my current house, the lawn as I have it in my front yard, even the coniferous trees, like the coniferous tree in my front yard, were correctly placed in the background in the AI image. This AI representation came with complete magical realism straight from the cosmos to me. And I can assure you, AI isn’t there yet, they can’t read minds if you describe your desired house in five sentences. I hadn’t used the term “duplex house,” only “house.” But that’s how it is: Rob also lives in this house, in the ‘counterpart’, which would make this house one (and not the duplex part of my nice earthly neighbors Tamera and Syed). The magical realism between Rob and me was already there with our addresses in the Netherlands: Rob lived at Westerkade 20 in Groningen and I at Weststraat 20 in Scheveningen.
The magical-realistic Earth
I would like to conclude this blog with a vision of all the worlds that exist. It will undoubtedly come across as science fiction, but who knows, perhaps Rob and I are close to the fire. I believe that human civilization on Earth has various possible futures, in what I call the ‘multiverses.’ I now put quotation marks around the word ‘future’ because, given the above, time is not linear but rather an infinite series, a ‘ball,’ of possibilities. One possibility is that humanity will completely destroy itself, with wars already happening but on a global scale and even more devastating. The other possibility, which I hope for and consider equally likely, is that humanity will become wiser and make every effort to save what can be saved. In that case, I predict a world imbued with magical realism, where ‘synchronicities’ play an increasingly significant role, and wondrous events are observed worldwide through the perception rifts in the cosmos, which are also demonstrable to science. In my expectation, these perception rifts will become larger and more numerous, thinning the veils between the multiverse worlds and beckoning a unity of worlds. The progress in studying the strange leaps of quantum physics and the growing interest in it, in my opinion, send a clear signal in that direction.
Courtesy Eline Hulspas. Lightly edited by me
Although I’m not a fan of repetition, I’m going to repeat this song that I already shared and discussed in “The White Raven“. The emphasis here is on the parts in bold:
When the desert sun has passed horizon's final light And darkness takes it's place... We will pause to take our rest. Sharing songs of love, Tales of tragedy.
The souls of heaven Are stars at night. They will guide us on our way, Until we meet again Another day. When a poet sings the song and all are hypnotized, Enchanted by the sound... We will mark the time as one, Tandem in the sun. The rhythm of a hymn.
The souls of heaven Are stars at night. They will guide us on our way, Until we meet again Another day. When the dawn has come Sing the song, All day long.
We will move as one, Bear the load On the road.
The souls of heaven Turn to stars Every single night All across the sky... They shine.
Disclaimer: The following can be seen as a quest and thus also as an encouragement and stimulus for others to conduct similar research into understanding our reality, which, I dare say, is infinitely more complex and deeper than it appears to the human eye. My blog is therefore not intended as the bearer of a new dogma.
Regarding the visual lion updates, I had left off with the treasurer Rob Treasure Lion. Since then, two more lions have been added to the Inner Crew. Rob Traveler Lion has an irresistible “Who, me?” look in his eyes, saying, “Madam, why are you looking at me like that?” before devotedly falling into my arms. Rob Fierce has a striking fiery glow in one of his eyes.
Rob and I are on a journey together. In my impression, Rob, through his transition, didn’t suddenly know more than me; we discovered things together. Through the search for a soulmate, where I unexpectedly ended up with two Henryk Vogels instead of one, the focus shifted from music to the ideology of Darkwood! Call it an afterglow. And we also stirred up the life of the second Henryk Vogel.
Although these Wanderwege seem like errant paths, I get the impression that Rob, I, and our involved friends unintentionally made quite a precise push in a game of dominos. Both regarding Darkwood and its namesake. Are these Irrwege, in fact, unfathomable moves of the Cosmos intelligentsia? Speaking of which, my other soulmate, Cees van der Sloot, who called me “the great awakener” in Utrecht back in the 1980s, is also active again. Rob and he have undoubtedly met each other by now.
With regards to my intercontinental stay in Europe-Dresden, on July 29, 2022, I decided not to use cannabis candies and tablets anymore, and since then, I haven’t taken them at all. Sometimes I still crave them, but I have reflected on their influence on my judgment. Looking back, I realize that I let the situations with Darkwood and the two Henryk Vogels persist for far too long. Although it is difficult to prove, cannabis use may have played a role in this. Both Vogels turned out to be comparable catastrophes for me personally, which is why I have decided to end my quest for a soulmate involving both Rob Nanninga and myself. The truth is that I never want anything or anyone to come between Rob and me.
After quitting cannabis, I noticed that my body tends to want to gain weight. I had lost weight to under sixty kilograms, as seen in the White Raven photoshoot. During the photo session, Mayumi Acosta had to adjust my jacket because it was too loose: “Have you become even lighter?” Since then, I have gained approximately 4 kilograms and need to be a bit mindful to prevent further increase. I quite enjoy the light feeling, especially when it comes to clothing; it’s very pleasant.
The master photographer Mayumi Acosta recently announced that she and her husband will be emigrating to Innsbruck, Austria, this year in October 2023. For that reason, I quickly booked one last photoshoot with her. Below, you can see the beautiful result!
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I still greatly enjoy cycling and hiking, and this spring there was a renewed surge of activities as the temperature and nature in California are always at their best during this season. I am still living off the meager alimony, which will end next year, and my savings, some of which are invested in cryptocurrencies. Currently, I am still unemployed. My ex-partner gave me quite a scare with a serious skydiving accident (which was his hobby: jumping out of planes, now even as an instructor and guide, and he had just started pursuing his pilot’s license before the accident). For me, true love doesn’t end with a divorce, and although I have no contact with him anymore (he seems to actively avoid it), I was still able to convey my wishes for a speedy recovery to him through Instagram and email. He has been in rehabilitation for several months now.
Since early May 2023, I have definitively said goodbye to Twitter. I started feeling increasingly uncomfortable there due to the influence of Elon Musk. For me, Twitter has actually been a major disappointment from the beginning. I invested a lot of time and attention into it, but I always received little response, respectful communication, or appreciation in return. As Mr. Wonderful from Shark Tank would say, “Take it behind the barn and shoot it.” I am beginning to understand this life philosophy better: that it is better to acknowledge when something is clearly not successful. This seems to also apply to the “My Diaries” website that I launched, which generated so little interest that I have closed it for now.
The skeptical movement in the Netherlands, under the “leadership” of Skepsis board member Pepijn van Erp, and with the continued failure to intervene by board member Jan Willem Nienhuys, has dealt a final blow to everyone, including myself, when it comes to respectful Dutch skeptical discussions. It seems that respect is no longer a priority for them. Van Erp’s aggressive approach towards those with different views has caused a true battlefield. Unfortunately, I have not been active with Skepsis Netherlands for years now. But Rob Nanninga is always there, and his love and healthy skeptical influence cannot be taken away from me.
Joran van der Sloot, who plays a significant role in my Robbert van den Broeke-Stan Pluijmen blogs, will be in America to be tried for his extortion of Beth Holloway. I remain hopeful that he will finally tell the truth, but he will, of course, need to provide evidence to support it, otherwise, no one will believe him anymore.
To date, there have been no changes in my pursuit of not growing old. The anticipation and driving energy behind this are building up significantly, and I feel the pressure increasing. I have identified three private roads to the heavenly feast, but the word is with the Cosmos.
January 28, 2022. Sophie, a nickname, full name known to me, reports via social media. She says that Rob Nanninga appeared in a dream of hers, but that this was several years ago and that she does not know why she is bringing it up now.
But I can relate. You can read in the blogs since the pandemic and now also the Russia war that everything in my life has turned upside down, including in my relationship life. The strange Darkwood and Henryk story that is still going on, that is to say: the Henryk story is still in full development. It has now been almost 8 years since Rob hung his earthly coat on the coat rack on, or just before, Ascension Day. The rough 2020-2022 years are creating a deep existential momentum for me and yes, the timing is right. I put the relevant sentences as one story in a row: (only minor edits in terms of language)
Hi Constantia; 1 time Rob Nanninga appeared in my dream. He looked very chill with a very ugly (ahem) brown turtleneck sweater. In a doorway. I was anxious. I don’t want anything to do with men. But he stood there very quietly. He kind of reassured me. He said I just stand here. I wanted to tell you sooner but afraid you thought it was weird. Or found it annoying. Been through nasty things with men but this was okay.
[When asked how she knows him>] Through you, through Skepsis. But never contacted. I’m from 1989 so I can’t. I used to be a 🙄 Robert ten Broeke supporter. The only thing I remember; He stood casually in the doorway. The door frame was old pink with a kind of wave in it and the wall was stark white. He told me not to be afraid. I felt it was okay. A kind of peace. I recognized him later and asked if he was your husband and he agreed. Then I was absolutely sure I had nothing to fear. He said it was good that you exposed everything about Robbert and Stan. At that time I followed your blog about those 2 and everything around it. There was a point where I got worried when they did something weird with your address. I don’t know when or what exactly. Haha I had to chuckle. He seemed a little shy. And a kind of mischievous smile. When he said he was your husband.
[asked for clarification of “mischievous”] No mischievous is a big word. I have a diagnosed mild form of autism. Fortunately my intelligence is normal according to the psychologist, but I was born 3 months premature and find it really difficult to describe facial expressions. Is there one step less than really mischievous? I’ll sit down for it tomorrow if I can. (drawing)
[I had asked for a drawing of the dream situation, and I was very excited very quickly because I now knew what she meant by that look, namely Rob’s mildly ironic, inquiring look].
Phew, I’m trying to start at the beginning. Bullied from my 6th year and experienced 1 nasty abuse experience. I froze completely and couldn’t say a word to the police either. The teddy bear was my best friend. I also experienced a lot of abuse around my 13th to 15th (that was an acquaintance of mine). Then made “friends” but they were supposedly very spiritual, different “rituals” done with massages, egg ritual. And then I believed in Robbert; paid damn good money for his book. And when all that came to light, I thought: I will never fall for it again. Oh yes from my 13th to 15th; so that was in Groningen.
I had asked Sophie for a drawing of the situation in the dream and to my surprise she accepted it straight away and not long after, she came up with a charming figure drawing that even immediately reminded me of Rob’s typical ‘leaning posture’. This is how I got to know him after he passed on. I often see him in my mind’s eye, leaning against a tree when I’m cycling for example, with the sweet smile and the inquisitive and slightly ironic look in his eyes. Sophie thought the word “ironic” was perfect when I described it to her after her remark about “mischievous look”, it was exactly that, according to her, mildly ironic and inquisitive, very friendly. But Sophie didn’t get any further than this drawing rudimental, and she herself came up with the idea to ask her good, and since childhood, friend Jessica, and she wanted to, but she turned out to be so busy that the load became too great. Jessica then came up with the idea that her sister, also very gifted artistically (it was not clear, just this was said) Monique would do it. And sure enough, Monique wanted to try it. I name the string of developments, because this chain will show 100% that none of this can be staged (for the unbelieving and suspicious skeptics): so Jessica came up with the idea to ask Monique.
For me Jessica and Monique were just names, there was no surname yet, their surname Van Deursen came later in April 2022, and the “Van Deursen” appealed to me to ‘Brabant (in terms of that typical cozy Dutch surname) feelings’, after all I lived there myself for a long time and I was also born there, but I had absolutely no idea of the two ladies, I honestly thought that they were ‘just’ two average ladies – yes, shame on me – and Sophie didn’t say anything about it either.
Sophie wanted to keep everything as pure as possible and gave Monique only two pictures of Rob and briefly sketched what she had seen in the dream, the clothes etc.
The fact that I immediately had a bullseye feeling with Sophie herself was only due to the few opening sentences that Sophie needed to do this, completely unintentionally on her side, because I think these kinds of details really go too far for someone who has not dealt with Rob in depth. She was talking about an ugly brown cable knit sweater, and I instantly recognized Rob’s demeanor in this choice of clothing. Rob’s ‘pleasantly bourgeois’ I mentioned earlier in Lion Hearts. Rob who does not opt for a flashy appearance, but for the unimaginative, ‘bourgeois’ brown cable sweater. And besides that, a lot of bells started to ring when Sophie said that Rob had said: “I’ll just stand here”. This is in fact Rob, as I got to know him before and after he passed on (yes, bear with me). What was going on? Sophie was pulled into the bushes by a guy as a six-year-old girl and you can fill in the rest yourself. And it didn’t stop there, because even in her teenage years more sexual abuse happened. In short: Sophie is not, and for all the reasons in the world, a lady who trusts men well. Rob must have seen all of that, and his line of, “I’ll just stand here.”, is 100% what Rob would do and say if this situation had been on Earth. Correct me when I’m wrong, Rob connoisseurs.
I waited patiently and sure enough, some near-finished copies of Rob’s drawing already arrived. I was moved, that anyway, yes, this had been Rob! Through whatever cosmic language and road, Rob appeared. Sophie is important for other things anyway, see the Darkwood blog, and she has the characteristic of both Rob and me in common: she is ‘slow’, sometimes notices things late. Because she dropped another hefty bomb, similar to the one with the Darkwood blog back then, which immediately made it clear to me that I definitely had to write a blog about my bad Darkwood experiences.
The bomb that fell was as follows: [Sophie continued via social media, April 14, 2022:]
https://nl.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cesair [bold by me] I’ll ask her about her name, I’ll call her soon. Not sure if she’s open to it. The artist is in a Pagan folk band. It never really hit me, but suddenly the penny dropped. Rob Nanninga had something to do with that too, right? I thought oooh yes somehow everything has to be like this.
Again I went into a deep shock, this time a euphoric one. Sophie, who is not the Sophie of the band Cesair by the way, also mentioned a little later that she herself has nothing (yet?) with this music genre, but all Rob’s close ones will recognize this: yes, Folk, Rob’s life-size and lifelong passion next to Skepsis. Rob was drawn by… Monique van Deursen, active as lead singer in one of the largest and most famous folk bands in the Netherlands, also active and successful across the border, the band Cesair. Only now, mid-April 2022, did I find out, only now did I start googling. And Sophie really hadn’t realized this, the enormity of this, until she brought it to me. Both Jessica and Monique van Deursen are, just like Sophie, very intelligent, gifted and beautiful women, and above all: very pure, yes, I just say it plainly, I can see that with my life experience of now 54 years. The shock deepened even further, because Cesair had also just released a new song, “Aux Pieds Nus“, on October 8, 2021, and that song is about… loss of a loved one through death, but also the reach over death to this beloved. And on their Events page I saw that they are registered for an event similar to the one that could be for the impure Darkwood guys, the “Wave-Gothic-Treffen” in Germany. But Cesair ís good, sweet, pure, the Pagan Folk that Rob can and would support with all the knowledge of now, and not the Darkwood guys. Just to be clear, I don’t know if Rob Nanninga knew Cesair, I can’t find it in his music lists, I didn’t know Cesair, and I don’t know Jessica and Monique either. I could cry as I write this and tears are coming again. Yes, I’m not ashamed of that.
* Wanderjahre: Journeyman years, after successfully completing the training, a time to go out into the world and gain life experience. Then follows the Master test.
Constantia Oomen, Nachthexen Night Witches, Mayumi Acosta PhotoshootConstantia Oomen, Nachthexen Night Witches, Mayumi Acosta PhotoshootStudio Portrait by Mayumi Acosta PhotographyStudio Portrait by Mayumi Acosta PhotographyStudio Portrait by Mayumi Acosta PhotographyStudio Portrait by Mayumi Acosta PhotographyConstantia Oomen, Nachthexen Night Witches, Mayumi Acosta PhotoshootConstantia Oomen, Nachthexen Night Witches, Mayumi Acosta PhotoshootConstantia Oomen, Nachthexen Night Witches, Mayumi Acosta PhotoshootConstantia Oomen, Nachthexen Night Witches, Mayumi Acosta Photoshoot
It has been seven years since the day of Rob Nanninga’s passing. Extremely good, transformative Lion Hearts times followed, and my another-Davis-relationship with Rob Nanninga still burns unabated.
Living without roommates since the start of the pandemic, I remained in one of the two small rooms until the small space started to creep up on me and in March 2021, I moved into the large Master bedroom with a new bed and more space … for a tenth inner crew Rob Nanninga lion!
Lion 10
The magical number 10 arrived on March 30, 2021.
“Number” 10 has a very well-filled, soothing, treasure-like chest. The random picker’s choice from preselected names was immediately okayed by the Cosmos with another magic somersault in complete synchronicity:
Darkwood came highly recommended to me by Rob Nanninga, and Rob even suggested to start a German Darkwood Wikipedia sub, because he knew I am a Germanist. I felt too insecure at the time, so I didn’t. I did start the Darkwood Twitter account Notwendfeuer in February 2021. Vogel knows about it, I am not sure Henryk does though ( just kidding).
Some very striking events occurred from November 2020 up till now. At the end of November 2020, I sent Henryk of Darkwood an email again for the first time since 2014. In 2014, I had this brief, warm email exchange with Henryk Vogel of Darkwoodabout the lyrics of “Fliegergedicht” because they were wanted for Rob Nanninga’s In Memoriam booklet. After that, events surrounding Rob’s passing completely absorbed me and culminated in the divorce of my now ex. A strange, almost Goethesk, Wanderweg (winding road) began.
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Omitting all the details, I thought I had made contact with Henryk Vogel of Darkwood through LinkedIn too, and a considerable misunderstanding rolled out thereof from December 2020 to February 2021. The wandering astray in a true dark wood can in my opinion be linked to the fact that creative minds like mine have a tendency to exaltation and strong susceptibility to cosmic interventions creating deep, entangled-souls, events.
The Henryk Vogel of Dresden I was talking to, via LinkedIn at first, was not the Henryk Vogel of Darkwood, also living in Dresden! This very witty, talented, civilized, warm-hearted otherHenryk Vogel is about the same age as Henryk of Darkwood, and in my opinion could be his twin brother. The other Henryk Vogel and I had and still have a very agreeable, far-distance communication, but in February 2021 things to me felt increasingly tense, because I didn’t know if he was indeed Henryk of Darkwood and I didn’t dare ask him for a while. That was surely a lesson to be learned!
The case for afterlife gained momentum when Rob Nanninga alerted me about the mixup. A lamp bulb on a long wire in my night cabinet, nowhere within my arm’s reach, crashed out of the blue at a crucial communication point with the other Henryk Vogel, shattering on the ground with the loud bang of many glass shards. I always felt that Darkwood‘s song “Dream of Flowers” describes Rob’s passing. The song mentions “broken glass“. Rob was trying to get my attention: “This is notDarkwood‘sHenryk Vogel!” I believe Rob and I are on the same page about Henryk Vogel of Darkwood being our soulmate. But there is much more, I believe, to the otherHenryk Vogel too!
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Commemorative plaque at the birthplace of Melli Beese in Dresden-Laubegast. The inscription reads “Birthplace of the first German female airplane pilot.” (Text Wikipedia)
When I finally dared to ask: “Are you Henryk of Darkwood?”, I already feared what the answer would be. Consequently, I again turned to Henryk of Darkwood in February 2021, because I still felt I needed to reach out to Rob’s and my soulmate.
The Neofolk Darkwood band often sings about War and Peace, about aviators and soldiers, and the album “Schicksalsfahrt” proudly sings the historic aviator theme. Aviator signs were already silently entering Lion Hearts, long before I reconnected with Henryk Vogel of Darkwood. Whiskers, Lion, created by the Leonard Cheshire Cornwall Foundation, after the famous British, Second World War aviator and bomber pilotLeonard Cheshire. had already, by mystical, kindred souls gathering, entered the Rob Nanninga Lions Pride in 2016.
As I grew even more inspired by the atmospheric DarkwoodLagerfeuer-songs,
Where it all started
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I ordered their pilot shirt and army bag, and the idea of a Darkwood-themed photoshoot sparked to life. Out of the blue, I thought: I will be a female, Russian, Second World War bomber pilot, not realizing those, female Russian bomber pilots, actually existed and even wereexclusivelyRussian. Nazi Germans for example were against any female involvement in the war, as they thought of women only as upgraded incubators. Having read many books about the Second Word War already, I can’t remember coming across the RussianNachthexen. I occasionally get the question if I am Russian, hence the idea of “Russian”. I started reading books about British and Russian WWII bomber pilots and became intrigued. The Nachthexen, mostly still girls and young women (aged 17-22), flying PO2s, old training Polikarpov Po-2 biplanes, with navigation tools both in the front and in the back of the airplane, were looked upon with fear by Nazi-Germans because they, against all odds in a male dominated society, became crucial Soviet assets to winning World War Two. With the Messerschmitts, the Germans had superior Krieg (war) utilities, so the Russians had to become creative.
Messerschmitt Bf 109
The PO2s were used at night, with rather primitively attached bombs, no more than two bombs for each flight, so the Night Witches had to return base many times every night to reload. In this way, the daring women were disturbing and harassing the Nazis in their much needed night rest.
They flew at very low heights, almost touching the German barracks with their wingtips, sometimes even with the engines switched off for the surprise effect, and, as thieves in the night, dropping bombs on the unsuspecting Germans.
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The WWII female Russian bomber pilot shoot flame was also kindled by Rob Nanninga’s love for roleplaying, which I had discovered after his passing in the “astral realms”. A lifelong seasoned “astral” traveler myself, I feel I have both overlapping Night Witches character traits ánd nightly experiences.
A tribute to the Night Witches, “Unknown Soldier” and to Darkwood
Click and swipe:
Darkwood & Nachthexen
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Family, mother
My sister Francine will be publishing a book this Fall about my mother Marie Thérèse (6-6-1931 – 7-8-2014) in and after the Second World War.
My mother Marie Thérèse Postmes and my father Joris Oomen in the post-war years
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Thus opens another pathway to the Second World War! Always so very close to my mom, I realized something was off that day that I had been talking to her. One day, she burst into tears, talking to me about her brothers and the catholic church in the Second World War. She lived in Maastricht in that time. While crying bitter tears, she managed to bring out, “They bullied me, Stan. They treated me badly. I’ve had a bad life.” I tried to wring out more, to no avail, she shut down, to never open up again. My mother Thérèse, the living and breathing conscienceless of social desirability, chose to keep all her demons, of which we knew nothing, to herself. Consequently, I applaud any factual based effort that will expose my mother’s demons and tormentors.
Miracles and other wonders
Since March 1, 2020, I lost about 50 lbs (about 22 kilos) caused by the use of Cannabinoid’s thc / cbs / cbd. My appetite fell back greatly. I stopped taking the pain killer Paracetamol (Acetaminophen) on a daily basis since February 2021. It was one of the good suggestions of Henryk Vogel not of Darkwood. My lungs have been extremely peaceful ever since, my heart and stomach seem less calm.
As mentioned earlier on, that it would take a financial miracle to keep me afloat, some small miracles did already happen. I was entitled to this small pension part of my ex, that I, after the divorce in April 2018, had successfully pursued for over a year of dragging-along, official paper milling with UC Davis (ex’s employer), and when I finally got it, I bought some BTC (bitcoin), right before the bitcoin boom in 2020. A friend gave me some more in 2021. In this way, I am still able to afford the house, but I’d rather not think about the huge sums of money evaporating every month. The future remains uncertain.
Gallery continued
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And here some more, some a bit older photos of the year past.
The Lion hearts blogs are long blogs, especially Part IV and Part V are sturdy bites (each good for around 16,000 words), and together they form one whole. That is why I have merged part I-VIII into one .pdf file. Admittedly, it is the avant-garde of a real publishers edition, but I still present you with satisfaction the blog book:
Rob Nanninga’s last address in The Netherlands: Westerkade 20. Constantia Oomen’s last address in The Netherlands: Weststraat 20. 20+20 2020 Publication date 5-20-2020, in the Netherlands + 9h: 5-21-2020 (Ascension Day 2020)
A year that leaves no stone unturned! To change our life. This planet’s life? To change my life? Nature-endorsed! Or so it seems. The odds are turning in a dramatic way. A pandemic. And no clairvoyant (if they exist) predicted that. This is Lion Hearts VIII with mostly a daily-life update, so not so much about dreams and out-of-body experiences.
I am not in contact with my ex at the moment. I did jump out of an airplane with him on June 13, 20191
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My unemployment status is unchanged. The impact of the pandemic was pointedly illustrated by the fact that my neighbors-for-years on one side, including their dog and cat, moved away from one day to the next. The house has been empty since. I haven’t asked them, but I am pretty sure they got affected by the pandemic. My living situation has also come under pressure because of the pandemic, because both roommates leave early and I have to look for new roommates. The rents are sky high here and if I fail to find roommates in time, I will not be able to continue living in this house.
My fingertip skin-cracks problems haven’t been resolved yet, and the ripples in my nails are still playing a an ebb and flow tide game.
I still cycle a lot, and I still miss the physical Rob every day. But he is there, he speaks the language of love through the sweetest and most handsome lions. Strange as it may sound, through these lions, I am even able to feel the warmth of his physical body. Every day, I make sure the lions stay in perfect shape. Despite the enormous “distance”, we still live together and I see him especially while cycling: how he stands in * our * kitchen, with his homely apron tied. Cooking for us. At night through the lions I feel his enormous warmth, support, love and eroticism. The extreme number of orgasmic eruptions is comparable to last year. This is paramount beyond words, More-Than-Heaven descended to me on Earth!
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On October 26, 2019, I met Dutch Melanie who’s working for the vegan cheesery and buttery Miyoko’s at the Kombucha tap of the Davis Food Co-Op. After one random greeting at the Kombucha tap, Melanie immediately noticed that I was Dutch, and said she was too. She lives in Petaluma. Twice I drove up to Rohnert Park, which is nearby Petaluma, and on one occasion met up with a group of Dutch people who meet once a month, at the invitation of Melanie’s.
It had been a long time since I drove further away by car since the divorce. Unfortunately, I have become less mobile in terms of driving longer distances. I just miss Rob as a partner and don’t see the fun of traveling on my own, with nobody to share the travel excitement with.
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Gym blues
Due to some human complication at GetFit, Davis, I canceled my subscription. I scratched the surface of this earlier-on.2 My Get-Fit Davis membership was ending in January 2020, but I already stopped going in December 2019. I signed a monthly contract with In-Shape, Woodland in December 2019. Although they do have a great modern gym and a lovely massage chair, something happened there that made me realize that this was not a second home to me, like GetFit Davis was. Apparently the chickens had not come home to roost yet. So I canceled my subscription again. Then I decided the UC Davis, ARC gym might be my best shot, but by then, the pandemic had already started, and I realized this was a good chance to unwind myself and just give it some time. Not so much later, all gyms in California were mandatory closed. Again, I had walked faster than time, a phenomenon not new to me, so by then there wasn’t even a choice anymore. I’ve been thinking about returning to GetFit, Davis in the future, but considering this human complication, it’s very fraught. I am not sure K will be ecstatic to see me again. To be real, I have no clue what K is or is not thinking about me, but there was something big going on, of that much I am sure. Maybe go to the “Noah”‘s ARC in due time?
Plans for the Netherlands
This year I had made more concrete plans to visit the Netherlands, my family and my father, and meet with some virtual friends for the first time: Sjaan and a (virtual also) friend in Amsterdam, too, she invited me to stay over at her house.
Sjaan is someone I got to know through the Robbert van den Broeke and Stan affair. This Robbert van den Broeke-Genverbrander story has always been a lateral but important thread in the Lion Hearts blogs. I have known her for almost five years now. She sent me an email to offer some moral backup in this Van den Broeke case, and that’s how we started our shared path. Sjaan is a sweetheart, always thinking about other people first. She lovingly cared for her partner when he fell ill until the very end. But she’s not only sweet and fuzzy, she has a razor-sharp, alert mind and, like me, can’t stand hypocrisy and deception. Countless times she technically assisted me in researching the photos and videos of Robbert van den Broeke, which she runs through metadata programs with stunning results, because they always show he’s (still) faking it. Without any exaggeration, she is as good as a professional detective and would, in my opinion, do an excellent job as a police detective. For the past five years she has continuously supported me, both professionally and personally. What I find most exceptional about her is her incredibly flexible mind, she is able to adapt like a chameleon, with a thousand and one beautiful and pure colors, forever young!
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Also very important part of the trip would be to visit Rob’s former house on the Westerkade 20 in Groningen, which I have never seen in real life. I am sure, if it comes to this, something very special will happen. 🌟 And then another goal in Groningen: the Mercuriusstraat 1 in Paddenpoel, where I lived for five years in my youth. And I always long back for the Dutch Fairytale Theme Park the Efteling. This visit would be the very first since my emigration in 2011! I already bought an expensive travel bag that would pass the hand luggage system for the purpose of bringing one of Rob multiple lions with me. I don’t want to lose sight of the lion nor do I want to create the chance that the airline will lose my luggage.
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However, the pandemic intervened. The question now is: when and if I will ever return to the Netherlands? Sometimes it seems to me like I have already died like Rob, in this emigration situation in paradise California, where you can check out, but never leave?. Perhaps I am not supposed to return?
Magical Realism continues
Thanks to a heads-up from the Dutch Beeld en Geluid Media Archive on August 30, 2019, I was able to get hold of one more video with Rob Nanninga in it on September 5, 2019. Kudos again to this amazing Institute! Though the footage didn’t bring a real new Rob image, it did bring footage of his study that has become very dear to me, because it reveals so much about Rob Nanninga’s student-like lifestyle, which is so very similar to mine. The more I extract from the wheels of time, the more it is confirmed that I am right about Rob and me and the thousand and one things that forge us together.
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On Tuesday March 10, 2020 I was cycling again and I passed through Winters. And on Tuesdays there always is, come rain or shine, or even wildfires,3, imperturbable, not changed by any ripple of the world’s events, the Oldie Cars Show. I fancied two oldies in Rob’s colors, see the photos in the gallery below. Rob always had a preference for the color turquoise or blue (but more turquoise-ish), just think of the old Skepsis website, designed by Rob. And don’t forget his blue jackets and shirts! I thought to myself: Yes, these are really Rob Nanninga’s cars! Later on, well on my way back on the Winters Road, I was cycling, lost in thought, when, of all the oldies in all the towns in all the world, only(you have to take my word for it) these two turquoise oldies passed me by, one after the other. I took it as a magic wave from Rob, and in my mind I saw us riding in them, our hair in the wind through the open windows, under a very happy sun. This is just one example of the happy, worlds-coming-together events I experience with Rob.
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It was only in December 2019, after having lived on this address for already over eight years, I realized I am even living under the roof of Rob’s colors. Admitted, it’s a common combination color in Davis and surrounding areas, but it certainly isn’t the only one, and still, I ended up here, right?, where these colors prevail.
Robbert, Stan and Alan
This part is published separately too on my Parameter WordPress. If you wonder why this extensive piece also appears here: this is an important part of my life and it really has an impact. Moreover, it has a very direct overlap with Rob Nanninga since he was and is also working on this, if it is true that there is afterlife. Also, I get the impression that Rob is helping me in the "background", that he is forcing the gentlemen to show their cards.
As I already mentioned earlier on in this blog, it’s never that far to Robbert and Stan, and his husband, Alan, as they are intertwined in this story.4 I have been involved in this case for fifteen years now, an incredibly long time. There are a few notable developments.
Robbert
The first one is that I finally have blocked Robbert van den Broeke from sending emails to me. His official acquittal in the threat case for which he was arrested, allegedly for lack of evidence, in October 20185 was no reason for Van den Broeke to choose a scold and threat-free path, and he just continued with his hate emails.
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I know that Rob Nanninga had already given up on the “Genverbrander” case by 2012, now that Robbert had been definitively exposed as a con artist and it had also been demonstrated that Van den Broeke conducted online diatribes for which even the dogs would turn up their nose, but I kept it up much longer. For many years I remained curious about what Mr. Van den Broeke had to say to me and allowed his emails, admittedly only through a filter directly in a separate folder. But for some time already, it has been perfectly clear to almost everyone, except to his most loyal fans, that Robbert is a lost cause and that there’s not much honor left in investing energy in researching his actions. He got stuck and all he has been doing for a long time is endlessly repeating everything he once said and did, including his fraud tricks with fake spirit and “alien” photos, all his “loving” messages to his fans and all his hatred towards me and the skeptics in general.
Nowadays, he’s even going with mainstream conspiracy quacks, for example, about the link between 5G and Corona Virus. He did remove one crucial conspiracy clip about this later-on.6 These conspiracy theories are by no means innocent, as believers broker them in everyday life and, for instance, are no longer willing to get vaccinations because they think the government secretly implants chips or they are deliberately poisoned with mercury. Some people even torch 5G masts. Van den Broeke has been publishing many YouTube clips the last year, addressing all kinds of “spiritual” subjects, even addressing me a couple of times.7 It does seem quite innocuous, this new trend of endless preaching videos. I would prefer them any time over his ghost / alien photos and videos deception. Unfortunately, he still does those too, including auto-mutilations on his forehead that he claims are alien and christ signs. I must say he has built up a quite large motley collection of “spiritual” subjects and hence his interest in all these topics seems genuine. Still, in my opinion, there is not much reason left to invest a lot of time and energy in him.
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Robbert sent me a whole bunch of hate clips and emails again, a part is in the Google Drive. There’s one Van den Broeke activity I do want to mention. Still working with Johny Webb, yes, the man from the octopus, Van den Broeke published a “channeling” with Adolf Hitler. However, the accompanying text about it and the clip were posted on Webb’s Facebook and YouTube channel. I tweeted about it and then someone reported Webb to Facebook (it wasn’t me). Shortly after, Webb’s facebook went completely black. The clip is still there, but I uploaded a copy in Google Drive just in case:
Fall 2019, I expressed the idea on Twitter to turn the Robbert van den Broeke blogs into a book and I had indeed already worked on it several times (that has come to a standstill). Obviously, this idea was immediately picked up by Van den Broeke and I got his hate emails about that too. Also Stan emailed about it a few times.
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I suddenly couldn’t digest Van den Broeke’s emails anymore. After another hateful email from Robbert on December 14, 2019 I decided to block him completely. Every time Robbert e-mails me now, his email is instantly deleted and Gmail sends an automated message that he has been blocked and why. Since then, not one single email from him has popped up ever again and I have no idea if he sent them. I am very happy with this decision!
Stan and Alan
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Stan Pluijmen is another matter. Stan never seemed hateful in the emails he signed with his own name. It’s a long story, and I don’t feel like repeating everything here. In short, I did not block Stan. I always hoped he would come around, detach himself from Robbert and would no longer participate in their shared lying and cheating games. But Stan has been bouncing like a yo-yo. Stan increasingly emailed me messages that he had changed and in which he admitted to (some) deception by and with Robbert van den Broeke. According to Stan, there is this part to Robbert that’s really “psychic” though. Anyway, Stan and Robbert are no longer a cheating duo together. At least, I see no signs that they still are. Stan even seemed burdened about the past, because he knows better than anyone how much hatred I received through Robbert and through his own, questionable to say the least, network. He even started offering me financial “compensation” in BTC, but I only wanted official compensation, through a notary. For literally years he kept on pushing me to take his money, through email, this started with him offering me money if I deleted the blogs on Parameter, see previous blogs on my Parameter WordPress.8
Stan seemed quite desperate about the existence of my Parameter blogs, he approached it differently too and tried to lure me into a “deal” that if he/they were able to “channel” the code word I would think up for myself and make that official by entrusting somebody with it, I would remove all my blogs. But I didn’t take the bite.
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In 2020, for a reason I don’t know, he upped his BTC effort considerably, he said/says it was/is because he likes and loves me, and wants to help me. I did kind of become curious (again) if he was just saying things (again), and posted my BTC wallet address publicly on my Genverbrander10 Twitter account.
That wasn’t the first time I did that though, I did that in 2018 too. I discovered bitcoin in 2017 when I was trying to order my allergy medicine Ebas from a foreign country, because it’s not available in the United States and they asked for bitcoin or wire payment. Wire payments are expensive here, so I thought to give bitcoin a shot, and with BTC payment, they offered a standard 10% discount. It was all very new to me, and on one day I even posted my bitcoin wallet address on my Twitter account ConstantiaUSA. I tried to find the specific tweet, but I guess I deleted it. I only recently (April 2020) learned that you can indeed publish your BTC wallet address safely after you properly secure your BTC wallet. Though I did that in reverse order, nothing happened. I guess I hoped some magic pigeon would deposit BTC in my wallet. This all must have been mid 2018.
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In my Parameter blog I already mentioned the fact that I on impulse and more or less jokingly asked Stan for 1.5 million in 2018, because only then would I feel compensated for all their nuisance and remove my blogs. The underlying idea was that with such a fortune that I could start living very differently, and that I could actually see this as a serious enough compensation and move on.
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I didn’t email Stan about it, in fact, I didn’t email him at all, everything went through Twitter.
But in 2020, things were different. I suddenly received a bitcoin amount deposited on April 8, 2020. Stan had made a deposit! And the next day, after some tweets from me that I was willing to receive Stan’s compensation as an official gift, two more “donations” came, bigger ones, not a fortune, but significant. Well, in total it was about half a bitcoin. It was worth about euro 3200 at the time Stan deposited it. For connoisseurs: of cryptocurrency, this could be literally nothing or it could be quite something, in the future.
I see it as Stan’s free-will compensation that still is on the symbolic side. His compensation doesn’t come close to the real disturbance I had. My critical attention to this case – I literally spent thousands of hours – was indeed my own free choice and everything I did was public. In my opinion, I always stuck to the facts and kept my criticism fair and decent. But it was no choice of mine to be stalked for so many years: 2012-2019. I received hundreds of hate and death threats from a whole bunch of different mailboxes and names, both known and unknown to me, with photos of beheaded, run over and battered (dead) bodies, scolding videos, I was hacked and even threatened with hitmen.9
I can’t be sure where Stan got his money, in emails he says he got it from tricking online casinos. Stan Pluijmen claims he’s a modern Robin Hood, stealing from the rich and giving it to the poor.
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On April 25, 2020, I decided to listen to exactly two years of unopened audios of Stan, a rollercoaster of several hours in the afternoon and evening. Since April 2018, I wasn’t listening anymore, because I got angry with Stan, again, since through yet another unsolicited email, he “offered” to ask “medium” Robbert van den Broeke for my Google drive password. As you can understand, I don’t believe in Van den Broeke’s “medium” password reading skills, I do kind of believe in Stan’s or .?.’s hacking skills, so that pissed me off. I really hadn’t been listening secretly, as Stan suggested in many of these audios, he even stated in his audios he was willing to bet a lot of money (did you say one million, Stan?:)
on the (not existing) “fact” I was still listening, So, now Stan is owing me even more. 😉 Not listening for two years and then all of two years at once, in one day, really turned out to be a golden shot. So instead of getting everything in pieces, I now got everything at once, which gave me a much better overview and the distance created in the time dimension was also very good for me to be able to view everything much more at a distance. The audios were insightful, I listened to about hundred audios and their line was consistent: first I heard one year of the old fashioned Stan woo-woo, but since April 2019, Stan started singing to a different tune. This was ushered in by a series of very curious emails in which Stan seemed to have stepped outside of himself and somewhere in the deep universe, as a miracle of mega interpretation of the secrets of the cosmos, spoke about synchronicity, mythical symbols, God, Satan, extraterrestrials and our shared destiny.
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Because I was receiving hatemails of Robbert van den Broeke about Stan and Alan simultaneously in which Robbert was kicking furiously at Stan and Alan, even sending me an audio from Stan in which Stan could be heard crying and completely beside himself, I could tell something was going on. In his audios, Stan’s tune changed and; in the most favorable way interpreted for Stan, you can say that he indeed seemed awakened from a bad dream or spell, he used phrases like: “I embarrassed myself, I let go of Robbert, what have I done? Robbert brought me to things, I am no longer under Robbert’s trance, your blogs may stay online because they are correct, the curse of Robbert…, there is no hacker, I’m sorry, I admit to my mistakes … “. Of course in this case, it’s hard to tell truth from lie, but Stan’s Spring 2019 and beyond audios were indicators that the firm trinity Robbert-Stan-Alan (Stan’s husband) had dissolved. Both Van den Broeke and Stan Pluijmen were suddenly emailing me the(ir) “whole truth”: (click on gallery images, this is how I received it) GoogleTranslationRvdBTheTruth
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When you merge these Robbert van den Broeke mails with the following Stan Pluijmen audio:
10:40: Stan “There is no hacker” (> in Robbert van den Broeke hate and death-threat case) 12:20: Stan: “I admit, I was Micha Romijn”.
in which Stan states that he has not been hacking casinos, like Van den Broeke claims, but that he did trick casinos, I think the following could be a realistic model of what really happened: working theory: Stan discovered some weak spots in online casino mechanism and cashed out a lot of money. With a number of fake IDs or other people’s IDs (people knowing about it and collaborating and who he generously compensated for it), he was able to repeat the casino trick. From the Robbert van den Broeke clan respectively from somebody mailing with a “Micha Romijn” mailbox I had been receiving two complete IDs, one of “Micha Romijn” one of a female family member of Alan Sieradzki, an old lady who has since passed away. This “Micha Romijn” stuff was much more sinister and like reported in my Parameter blogs.
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WordPress later-on in 2017 removed the fake Micha Romijn ID pics I uploaded in my Parameter blogs. Somebody had complained and I doubt WordPress sees the difference between a real and a (well-recreated) fake ID. So if someone came with the same ID to complain, they had no reason to act differently than usual.
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Stan Pluijmen confesses in this audio that (indeed) he was “Micha Romijn”. But I could tell by the emails I received there is another person involved, because I recognize Stan’s language and tone of voice, and there were quite some that were not from his pen.
After many years of experience with this whole group around Robbert van den Broeke, the facts (so no suspicions) are that the men are playing battleship with each other’s mailbox, wanted or unwanted. For example, I got a picture of Stan that, according to Stan, was very ugly and it seemed that someone in the room had seized his phone and sent it secretly. This is just one of many examples and I have also explained and substantiated this in my Parameter blog(s) In this regard, it is actually best to read all my Parameter blogs. Because of the enormous chaos that arose from this and which I think was also erected partly intentionally as a smoke screen on the side of Stan, the men ended up in a kind of large, inextricable tangle of cohesive material.
It seems that the gentlemen are holding each other in a delicate balance of compromising facts, and that they may well be quite afraid that the other person will leak information to me, or whoever wants to expose the truth. The many snitch mails to me could be explained by the tense atmosphere between the men, in the spirit: “If you do or don’t do that, I’m going to leak (mis)information about you, watch me, I am not bluffing.”
The “Micha Romijn” person was a piece of the puzzel that didn’t sit well at all with Stan. International police should investigate the motive of “Micha Romijn”. Because WordPress acted upon the complaint from I have to assume possibly the real Micha Romijn, that the (fake) ID pictures should be removed, it appears Micha Romijn must (have) know(n) that his ID was being abused (i.e., it was sent to me, and was it used for playing in online casinos?). In my opinion, all likely scenarios should be investigated. Two important ones: 1. it should be investigated whether Micha Romijn received money in exchange for the use of his ID or 2. that he is a victim of ID fraud. If latter would be the case, then why wasn’t any of this on the news or emailed to/communicated with me or other journalists in any way with convincing evidence? Because I had made some real public fuss about this MR ID, that it was sent to me, just like that, I had extensively tweeted about it with even the un-blurred images of the several ID photos. Moreover, the ID pictures were published on my WordPress site, for everybody to see.
Rachid is another person involved. I even received an email from Jan Willem Nienhuys, my good friend from Skepsis.nl because Rachid was trying to contact me in vain (?) and he tried his luck with Jan Willem Nienhuys. This Rachid seems to be somebody close to Robbert, Stan and Alan, who has been hitchhiking along on this whole case. Robbert van den Broeke claims in his email that Rachid received a lot of money.
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I then received a lot of emails from Rachid too, but call it intuition or experience, I didn’t like communicating with him, it felt pointless and like speaking to a twisted mind. Nothing came out of my communication with him and I discontinued it.
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There is also this thing with Dutch crime reporter John van den Heuvel in Stan’s audio. I conclude from the aforementioned audio that Robbert van den Broeke has been spilling some beans towards John van den Heuvel and said to Van den Heuvel that Stan is hacking casinos. As known, John van Heuvel was visiting Joran van de Sloot in his jail cel in Peru, so there we have it again: the circle Joran, Stan and Robbert.10
The two audio files of Leydi Figueroa Uceda sent to me by Stan Pluijmen fit seamlessly into the picture Stan has or had power over Joran and Leydi, because if someone, especially imprisoned or poor like Joran and Leydi, gets very large sums of money, such as these two from Stan,10 this person/they will be more readily inclined to do “weird things” for their benefactor.
And it all fits with Stan’s strange sense of humor and his obsession with me.
To return to Stan’s “confession clip”: Stan says in this audio he had been set up about this casino story, but that he wasn’t arrested, “Just ask John van den Heuvel, it’s true”, which would confirm that he is innocent of hacking casinos.
Stan had confided through emails earlier on that with Joran van der Sloot too, he had cut ties. Alan had his say in this audio also:
and both seemed scared of Robbert, they seemed to think or acted that Robbert had put some sinister curse on them.
I haven’t talked much about Alan, Stan’s husband. The truth is, I like him, just like Stan, but I don’t like their covering up of fraud and deception (Robbert van den Broeke, Joran van der Sloot, et cetera related). That makes all of this extra incomprehensible, I mean, they spent many years in the make-the-other-crazy-but-often-not-in-a-fun-way game. There were and are some sidelines with Alan, like the time I talked to him through his Twitter account. That didn’t end very well and he even deleted that account. Later, and in line with what Stan often did, he denied, but also confirmed that he had been that person on Twitter. I also received emails from him, but most were obviously from Stan using his email address. I could tell not only from the language used, but in these emails Stan simply wrote about the he-person: Alan. Some of the emails were from Alan and in these emails he always seemed very friendly and truly reaching out to me as an independent person (from Stan), although he seemed outraged a couple of times at some of my responses on Twitter. It can certainly be called a fact that he is an absolute insider in everything, since, as Stan’s husband, he lives with Stan day after day.
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Stan kept saying, over and over again, that he loves me, even calling me an “universal source of love”.
The “old” Stan, December 25, 2018:
Sending emails from the mailbox of Robbert van den Broeke:
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And, same day:
The “new” Stan:
My firm impression is that many more people are involved in the Robbert van den Broeke-Stan Pluijmen-Joran van der Sloot and so on (than the already in this and previous blogs mentioned names) case, possibly even well-known names from the Dutch and international conspiracy and para world, and that casino fraud and para-fraud are not the only illegal business. Also consider Stan’s rare stubbornness about Natalee Holloway’s alleged remains in Grave 15 at the St. Anna Churchyard in Aruba. Even Joran briefly mentions that St. Anna in the clip Stan via the mailbox of Robbert van den Broeke dropped in my mailbox: (I provided English captions):
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In April 2020 I received an invitation from a Dutch radio maker to talk about all this and Stan also received an invitation. Stan doesn’t want to and again only communicated this to me:
Stan says some interesting things in these audios and especially in this audio “15”: that he hates the web of lies he got into, and that he is threatened from all sides, but that it’s okay by him when/if I publish all his audios because he loves honesty. He also says that he had already recorded an entire audio for me, was “too honest” – and wonders if there is such a thing as “too honest” – and that he consequently deleted this audio. He talks (again) about his (former) drink and coke problem, and says the audios between 2018 and now on average were recorded with this addiction slur. He also asks if I don’t want to make fun of him and that he loves me. He goes on to say that he doesn’t think he can buy everything off with money. He doesn’t feel like thrill journalism about Joran van der Sloot, and that he’s not exactly boosting himself for being Joran’s friend ,and that this journalist who invited both him and me to talk about Joran van der Sloot and co must think he’s retarded. And also in this audio you can notice that he wanted to say something, but then “caught” himself, something “too honest” again?, and then his sentence stops.
To me it all seems the tip of the iceberg, and my hunch based on the thousands of emails and media files I received in total, is that this whole case has been a smoldering volcano that will erupt once. My personal hope is that this eruption will be thorough and that the whole cesspool will really open. There will be many “losers”, but also some big winners, and I hope Natalee Holloway’s parents will be among those winners to get the information about their daughter Natalee Holloway, which they have been entitled to for all these years, but never got. It is now (on May 30, 2020) exactly 15 years ago that she disappeared.
Something else to conclude this with: to this day, Stan never got my “secret request” (and no, this request is not about money). I asked something from Stan on Twitter, but it is up to him to see what it is, and because they claim to be clairvoyant, I was amazed that this wasn’t, and still isn’t, the case. And Stan, yes, this secret request still stands.
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Edibles
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The cannabis market has been released in California since late 2016 and I started experimenting with it mid-August 2019, though my initial try-out only lasted a month. My ex introduced me to it. My body however is not easily impressed. I quickly took more than only one or two of the 5mg THC edibles and up to something like 35 mg THC, leaving my ex far behind me, dose wise. Because of my body’s high degree of acceptance, real trips, as people imagine them, with bright colors and spacey effects, are more exception than rule with me. One trip felt like being in the water tunnel of Sea World, I hardly remembered my location my bedroom and I was boldly (though a little scared, yes) adapting to the new situation and hang-gliding in there, in that “green tunnel”. It lasted about an hour and a half.
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The main effect of the edibles is that I sleep again. And that on average I feel a bit tidier and happier, more my old, more powerful self. I think everything in your mind is also reflected in the chemical balance in your body, and sometimes I think I’m increasingly missing “happy connections” in my brain, which seems to be offset by the “mind-altering” effects of cannabis.
In previous blogs I reported quite severe sleeping problems, a problem I always had, but they have mainly dissolved by now, which means that the sharpest edges are now gone. I sleep again even though I am still a light sleeper. It seems I have been catching up for a couple of years already. I initially quit the edibles after a month, because it seemed to me my body and mind weren’t fit to get high. Maybe I’m on a natural high already. My nightlife always has been very intense, just call to mind my lifelong and so very frequent experiences with intense dreams and out-of-body experiences. It is striking that as soon as I use edibles, I hardly or even don’t remember my dreams and out-of-body experiences and so on at all, even though I know I had them, by brief surfacing images. And as soon as I stop using the edibles, the clear memory of dreams and astral experiences returns immediately, mostly the next day already.
But on March 1, 2020 I took it up again. Something in me was stirred to give it another try. I longed for the diversion. I was already looking for distraction eleven days before the Corona Virus disease was declared a pandemic on March 11, 2020.
Immediately I entered an area that I now know a little too well about myself, namely not knowing my limits and being beyond measure, because I overdid it immediately, leaping from 35 mg THC last year to 50 mg THC this year. I got lucky the first time I took 50 mg THC and I had quite an adventure with Rob and the Lions as the lion was turning into a lion with extremely realistic male genital sensations.
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Overconfident I repeated the amount four days later, and, had I had to wait for hours for some effect this first time in March, this time the cannabis supreme being struck very quickly (a signal that I have come to know as being the signal that you can also quickly end up in a danger zone, or: you are already in it). Something almost immediately went horribly and shockingly wrong.
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A Brain Rollercoaster From Hell started to spin faster and faster with increasing noise, distorted images and the feeling of falling apart into dislocated body parts took possession of me. I tried in vain to stay on the wheel, but quickly realized that I was losing all control, no turning back and I just had to sit this very long Rollercoaster ride out. It is like getting under water in a maelstrom and being dragged along. I have experienced a near-drowning in Scheveningen sea at one time, so I know the feeling.
It got so bad that I had to stop myself from calling for help and an ambulance several times. I have heard about this through my ex, there are a lot of people who really go, respectively are taken, to the hospital. I could never have gone myself, I couldn’t even leave my room or go to the bathroom, and I didn’t want to, because my roommates were both at home. I wanted to save myself the embarrassment. I managed to go through this hell by my own, but really barely, just hanging on to a last strand of incredible stiff-headed willpower that I didn’t want to make a fool of myself. I’ve never been so sick of anything in my entire life. My brain had ended up in a not-merry-go-round with a thousandfold squabble, I heard deafening percussion instruments like someone is hitting them only inches away from your face, even had an extreme smell sensation, but strange as it sounds with no specific smell, coming from nowhere, popping up like a cloud just right in front of my nostrils, a black-magic trick of the brain par excellence, and all this made any redeeming sleep impossible. I saw strange moving shadows, and my sickly reciprocating body could not calm down, my limbs no longer seemed to be attached to my body, and my brain was already a loosely floating unit. Everything was way too intense and I was so sick of it all, I couldn’t walk a meter and then the vomiting started for hours.
Still, the biggest Kudo goes to Love. Even in my darkest hour I was aware of my love for Rob and my cherished inner crew lions, sitting all around me on the bed, as they always do. I managed to keep them out of the turmoil, they stayed safe and clean the whole ordeal. I never touched them, nor did my upset stomach reach them.
I spun in my head and body, it felt like a near death. There was nothing I could do than to sit this out, my position ranged from sitting on the floor against my bed to half hanging over my bed, not able to lie or sit straight. Only after many hours did it start to disappear. Had I been punished for my nonchalance in taking 5 strips of each 10 mg THC! I had done it before, but this clearly was a jump straight into the ravine. It could very well be that one of the strips was spoiled again with a higher dose, but much more probably the THC messed up with the paracetamol and Zyrtec I had been taking as well just before I took the edibles (so I took the Paracetamol, Zyrtec and edibles at the same time). It must have been a chemical poisoning. When I consumed edibles with a total of 50 mg THC late April, 2020 again, nothing happened, not even a trip. I was just quickly lulled into a thick-clouded sleep.
The cannabis is having an effect on my appetite, it’s (very) reduced, I have already lost quite some pounds, but I am still overweight. When I restarted with the edibles in March 2020, you can say I was heavily overweight, probably my heaviest bodyweight ever, despite the many bike rides and the gym, no, I won’t tell what it was. Also not new to me, namely that everything always seems to work differently than average for me: cannabis causes a sharp decrease in my appetite and certainly not the “Munchies” (binge eating) as many articles about cannabis say, so quite the opposite. As I now tend to get nauseous quickly, a side effect of cannabis that is known and that indeed applies to me, my food consumption is very discouraged in this way too. And I rarely drink pure whisky anymore, because the combination with THC in my blood seems to be a bad one. Moreover, because I often sleep through the night now, I no longer snack at night which I did regularly.
With the edibles I sometimes end up in the morning when I wake up, or try to wake up, in a kind of semi-coma. In a previous blog I already described that I tend to lose contact with my body at night much more than usual, just call to mind my out-of-body experiences, but also think of my paralyzed limbs because they are in the wrong position, because I am far away. With the edibles I sometimes have the greatest difficulty in reconnecting with my limbs and regaining control, which is reflected in the fact that I cannot erect myself in my body for a while, let alone my finger or moving my hand, while I am just conscious and awake.
The Brakes
Something is hitting the brakes, which is reflected in my dream and astral life.
Two equally strong currents are pulling on me: the knowledge that there simply must be life after death, but also the skeptic objection of still seeing too little evidence. Rob was right that the dreams and out-of-body experiences don’t provide enough evidence in themselves. For instance, astral travelers are not able to see hidden number sequences or words while out there, and tell researchers the correct numbers or words.11
But the Rob lions Love connection does offer evidence to me. Rob’s love is extremely palpable and robust, like a physical body, which is proof to me that something incredibly strong is going on. I told about this earlier on: how completely devastated and empty I felt after losing my cuddly rooster and for years, I couldn’t find any cuddly toy that offered me anything. The magic had gone, taking with him the Love. Only after Rob’s passing in 2014, Love returned to me, and now lions are filling my heart, but only because Rob fills each and everyone of them with his love, but especially the multiple Rob lions (still nine in number). I couldn’t do it, I had tried and failed miserably, and consequently, somebody had to step in. And there was only one person really who could step in. That man was and is Rob.
Time passes by and the things that surface – many kudos go to the wonderful Beeld en Geluid Media Archive (TV appearances, radio interviews) – confirm that there indeed is a “mysterious” connection between Rob and me. This story also seems to tell itself, about every year a puzzle piece is added to the overall picture. I got to know Rob before ánd after his transition, but I only got to know his real, warm energy, how he feels up close, after his transition. I would now recognize him out of millions, he has such an incredibly strong, pleasant and warm, full energy, I see his beautiful Rob face and goatee, his full lips and enchanting, mindful, investigating, demanding and devoted looks.
We áre living together, by means of odds in science that are not fully investigated yet. I have already walked a little way down that street in my Quantum Entanglement blog. The Rob-Constantia daily orgasmic outbursts, extreme and heavenly beyond words, are still in full swing. This is Reality. This too is beyond doubt: we really are a match made in Heaven-Extreme, we are alike, in how we live and think. This is not accidental nor short-lived (I think I/we have already proven that after 6 years after Rob’s passing), and spelled out in the stars. Forever. This connection is able to stand the test of time and any distance.
I quote the following nightly experience, because it got me thinking about the true nature of our contact. Ever since I let go of my biased ideas about the nature of “astral experiences”, I’ve been open to new ideas about what life after death might look like. I think Rob and I are mirroring each other, a venue I started to explore in my quantum entanglement “explanation”.
On April 12, 2020 I had a curious encounter with Rob (as always: hurray if I see him by any means) and many of my Rob featuring dreams, astral journeys, or whatever you want to call them, are characterized by playfulness, magic and hilarious twists. In short, the following occurred: I lived in a rather dark, but nice house with roommates, but it was not in Davis. Rob was there too! I was so happy to see him! He was in his middle-age, firmer statue appearance. I showed the house and I pointed to the chimney and said to Rob, “I would love to live in the chimney, I wish I was much smaller, then you and I could live in it!” This chimney was a corner in the house and resembled a column of light, it looked cozy and warm. Rob walked down to the chimney with me, briefly looked up in it, with an inquiring glance, and then said with a faint smile on his lips, a bit like he was high, but not exuberantly, and rather dazed, “Well, let’s do it then!” I was thrilled about his response and happily replied: “For real?!” I took his hand in mine and we walked together, his hand felt just like he looked: a little limp and clammy, numb. We walked to the first floor where it was much brighter and where dinner was held, there were quite a lot of people already. But the surface was skewed, so the tables were also skewed. Because there was no walking space next to the tables, Rob and I walked over the tables to our seats in the back. However, I accidentally on purpose started to slide, while walking on these tables, then lost my balance completely and sailed back to the lower point, taking things on tables with me. “Sorry! Sorry!” I shouted out laughing heartily. I think I did this to get Rob’s attention and to make him smile. The atmosphere was exuberant.
At first, I didn’t understand Rob’s “numb” state. Now I start to think that Rob and I really mirror each other, maybe not all the time, but often. We do more than react to each other, we vibrate in the same state. We still do, even if there’s a whole universe of distance between us and no one informs us about what the other is feeling or doing. Rob was kind of numb and high in this event, but so was I (After all, I had eaten edibles during this time and the cannabis can also remain in your blood for many weeks). Now I don’t know about edibles, so far out in the universe, where Rob is, but they must have something there too. 😉 In this way, the ultimate clairvoyance exists by virtue of simultaneous vibration, even if there is an immense “between” space. You could also conclude that Rob lives since I live too. And where will we both be when I too leave my physical body? We’ll take it from there. There.
Future
“It is by no means an irrational fancy that, in a future existence, we shall look upon what we think our present existence, as a dream.” ― Edgar Allan Poe
Since the divorce I have been sticking out my feelers about financial matters, and through a financial divorce arrangement through my ex I was entitled to a little money, but it wasn’t that much. I’m looking at things like stocks and bitcoin, but it looks like I’m going to need a big miracle to get out of my financial insecurity. It seems the only thing I truly feel deeply is that I don’t want restrictions on my freedom. My best talent seems to be my freewheeler talent and in this society, that’s almost unheard of. I tried several work/career things, but none of those really stuck to me. Maybe I was meant to be a freewheeler? Some people jump straight up the career ladder after high school and get applauded, and they therefore feel encouraged to step it up and with success, but I’ve been searching all my life and still haven’t found my destination. I have had my share of wrong turns much more than average, or so it does seem to me. It certainly seems I have been handed over to the gods in this way (whoever or wherever they are). Will my eternal happiness star, allowing me to live this uncertain lifestyle, abandon me? We shall see.
Time is passing at an alarming rate, especially when you look at families and how fast their children are growing up. These fast evolving children are the mirrors of your own age rapidly speeding up the higher numbers. The hour of truth is drawing near. After all, I don’t want to be old. This keeps me pondering almost every day, how to free oneself relatively painlessly from this physical body? There seems to be no easy answer. There still is some time left, but the clock is ticking a bit louder each day.
Rob Nanninga Quotes
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Gallery
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Footnotes
[1] See the photos page on my personal website too and this YouTube clip. My ex was the one filming. He gave me a free SkyDiving ticket as he is an enthusiastic skydiver.
[2] See Lion Hearts, Part VI: “Under the umbrella of “Let’s get physical” I can add the following: for me there is one striking case in Davis, something that has been going on for years now. I believe that if there is such a thing as a past life – or should I better talk about timeless life from now on? – I “found” the man who killed me as a girl of about sixteen years old in a (past) life […] I wanted to report it anyway.”
[6] His turn to conspiracy theories with regard to the Corona Virus didn’t go unnoticed and was picked up by several media groups. NRCGeenStijl Mentionable is the fact that only a fraction of the YouTube commenters on this GeenStijl clip knows Robbert, some even think it is staged or that Robbert is an actor. It could also be they don’t recognize him, as he has changed very much in appearance. Van den Broeke received more publicity in May, 2020 when he was interviewed by Ybeltje Berckmoes of aspiring Dutch broadcaster “Ongehoord Nederland“, “channeling” Right-Wing leader Pim Fortuyn who was murdered by Volkert van der Graaf on May 6, 2002. Both aspiring broadcaster “Ongehoord Nederland” and Robbert were buried under severe criticism and scorn directly after this was aired.
Location: AnotherDavis, California Date: Sunday, May 27, 2018 Rob, middle aged, and Constantia are in the kitchen in Another Davis. Rob wears his homely apron. Rob says, “We’re going to bake cookies for your birthday.” Constantia: “But it’s not my birthday.” Rob: “I know that, but that doesn’t matter.”
When I looked up the origin of this performance on 6 January 2019 and found Fred Astaire and this fantastic clip, I immediately knew that I had found my new Lion Hearts VI title.
Funnily enough, I found the song following a reply from someone on a scientifically not entirely correct tweet about Happiness: (and look at the colors and the steppin’ lines of this clip and those of Fred Astaire, synchronicity?)
Why does this performance appeal to me like that? It’s because of the shameless burst of happiness, portrayed by Fred Astaire almost literally dancing out of his skin. Instead of Fred Astaire, it’s now Rob who comes to pick me up, for our own personal “Steppin’ Out”!
This blog covers 2018 and a small piece of 2019. On April 9, 2018 the divorce from my ex became official. About one year earlier, ex and I already went our separate ways. What happened in this year?
Throughout the year an extreme amount of raptures1 with Rob, even more than in 2017, occurred again, especially made possible by the sweetest lions in the world: the Rob multiple lions. I have counted the petite morts and most striking orgasmic outbursts, which regularly occur more than “only” once a night. I think that other word is unpoetical, well, I’m going to use it now anyway: orgasm. That multitude per night is not included in the tables in which I only count the nights with raptures. So supposing there is indeed an afterlife, you can say that Rob and I, as a constant erupting volcano, are going through the roof of the universe. I’d rather say: not-so-afterlife, because as far as I am concerned Rob is not “after” but now (still). For me, the image of afterlife and “astral life” increasingly is being replaced by an image that I find more appealing and accurate, namely that of multiverse and parallel worlds, more as in simultaneity. Maybe there is no such thing as “after” (and in line of this: “past” and “now”), but rather an “always” existing life.
What sets the lion hearts on fire? I look for appropriate words everywhere, but I just can’t seem to find them, and by now I am starting to realize that I need to end this quest for words, to acknowledge my failure, to accept the fact that the bridge to my reader is not formed by words alone. As it’s simply not possible to describe what has been going on for years now, since the moment that in 2005 I met Rob virtually, no matter how I describe it and which words I use or deliberately avoid, I can only hope for very telepathically gifted or highly sensitive readers, now and in the future, and accept that until then Lion Hearts mainly is something for Rob and me, like a Sleeping Beauty who will sleep at least a hundred years, without ever be seen and kissed awake, or like a private garden opened up to the public, but visited little. In any case, these blogs have great value for me: I cherish the flame.
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Another Davis
Before sharing some highlights of raptures, OBEs and related experiences, I will give a bird’s eye view of the year 2018. There wouldn’t be much change visible in 2018, but at a closer look, small and lesser small landslides underneath the surface would become noticeable. I have been living at the same address in East Davis since 2011. I did not get a (new) job. There was a changing of the guard concerning one of my housemates, at this moment I have both a male and a female roommate. A crack in the ice was made in the contact with my two sisters F, since 2018, and L since 2019. My haltered relationship with music, as told in my previous blog, slowly began to relax and is transforming into the gorgeous butterfly it used to be, but that process’s still taking a good deal of time, and I’m not there yet.
Since finding the magical KDRT Grass Roots radio from Davis on my $3.50 Sony Dream machine – I purchased in the local Thrift store on October 11, 2018 – tunes have been flying into my life again. Davis’s DJs are leading me back to the Music Avenue. In addition, thanks to YouTube suggestions, I also found a few bands that really appeal to me, such as Sonne Hagal and Novemthree. I don’t think Rob knew them, but I don’t know for sure. But I think that he will/would (have) A-okay(ed) them. My musical taste since Rob’s death has shifted in a specific direction. In the past, I used to like mainstream pop also; now I’m mostly into the no-main stream and alternative music, like (neo) Folk music, just like Rob. Regular pop and well-known music, I often find much too boring and superficial. Davis’s radio is a folk music haven, so this was a match made in heaven just waiting to lift off.
Either way, Davis in California proves to be a magical place. A fact that has reached more people, as you can read in the Davis Wiki: “Davis, 10 square miles surrounded by reality”. The K-DIRT, 95.7 FM radio has inimitable programming, with recaps at quite unexpected times. For example, I tuned in at around half past twelve in the evening to hear to my delight Ruth Chambers read her first chosen fragment of “Alice in Wonderland”. Thirteen days went by and I turned on the radio in the morning at eleven o’clock, which I never do (I always listened in the evening). Imagine my surprise when at exactly that moment Ruth Chambers starts reading her second selection of “Alice in Wonderland”. As if it were not a disproportionate number of days and hours later. In my opinion, this is an interaction between the town of Davis and the people who have an antenna for this kind of magic. And magic wants to be confirmed, because during this second part of “Alice In Wonderland” I got a message from USPS that my second special lion ring had just been delivered. I already told you about the first magical lion ring.
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Perhaps it’s no coincidence that the magical story of Rob and me, the Another Davis, is set here. Davis is located between two cities, and is already known as a magical bubble, a Snowdome; San Francisco is on a one and a half hours drive away to the west and at a twenty minutes drive to the east lies California’s capital city, Sacramento. Davis itself is completely surrounded by farm fields which make it if it were an island. It’s a world in itself, with its own magical laws.
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Maybe the Californian sun has a psychedelic effect on the brains of a former Dutch potato-head like me. For people who aren’t born and bred in California with a hot-summer Mediterranean climate, but in a temperate maritime climate, the powerful Californian sun certainly can have an enhanced impact on both mind and body. Compare it with someone who is not used to alcohol and then drinks that corn liquor. Especially in my after-cycling hours, after having spent up to 8 hours in the Californian sun, I always feel a big boost that you probably can compare with being high. I still never used cannabis myself, let alone hard drugs.
Incidentally, I think Rob would have had a great time here in the musical university town of Davis, and now indeed has a great time here, in Another Davis. The talented wind and percussion instrument students around the famous Davis Picnic Day are an ultimate match with Rob. When I once sent him links to my “Battle Of The Bands” YouTube clips from Picnic Day, he enthusiastically wrote me how well he liked the music they played. See for example this and this clip. Nowadays I sometimes even upload something personal on YouTube. I actually think both Rob and I are hippies. And yes, no better spot to be hippies than here, where it all started.
In other words, slowly but surely I am moving my way back to my true soul life, which I almost lost during my marriage.
Let’s get physical
In 2018 I was plagued by physical issues. Thanks to my thorough diary notes, everything can be viewed reliably and chronologically. The first part of the year was characterized by both lengthy back and heel pain, but despite these ailments I could just keep on cycling (so still kudos to my body!).
In the summer of 2018, and to be precise: on August 8, 2018, I cycled into a smoke poisoning. That morning I had published another blog about Robbert van den Broeke and Stan (and pals) and after this I decided to go cycling, although Northern California was agonized by severe wild fires all summer and autumn long. Did I in a previous Lion Hearts blog write how well I like the California smoky air, this year my body cocked an eyebrow in terms of its consequences.
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I cycled to Lake Solano again, but noticed that this time the smoke was not that of a cozy campfire, but rather a filthy, chemically heavily polluted imposter, and when I realized this, I wanted to go home immediately. But as this wasn’t possible, because I no longer had a partner that I could call to pick me up by car, I had to cycle back for about another two hours. In all those years I called my ex only a few times in cases of force majeure, such as having a flat and no repair kit at hand, or an underestimated, no longer cycleable temperature of 46°C.
I will repost following pic from my personal website. I took it when I was experiencing an almost–heat stroke while cycling in Vacaville temperatures of about 115°F equaling 46°C, and no, I’m not exaggerating in the numbers:
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When I cycled back, I was erratically upset about a mistake that I, while going over it in my head, had just discovered in the newly published blog and that I wanted to correct as soon as I got home. Immediately after this bike ride, I became ill for weeks and with months of aftermath. My head, throat and lungs were not in a good condition. Furthermore, it was once again exorbitant hot at night (and during the day) in this summer, and the following weeks and months were mainly characterized by physical discomfort, in which I possibly developed the onset of Sleep Apnea, outlined by a halting in breathing and/or periods of shallow breathing at night. I repeatedly experienced this at night and then I would wake up, startled, and instantly gasp for air. Also, the considerable burden in my head (the “iron fog”) that I talked about earlier, continued to this day forth. This iron fog is explicitly not the normal fatigue spray after too little sleep.
Around the end of 2018 I stopped with the energy drinks that contain the complete amount of sugar and switched to the zero and low calorie variants, but I carefully choose only variants without aspartame, because aspartame has caused me migraines in the past. The reason for the switch was that the amount of calories (260) per can didn’t feel right to me anymore. I still use plenty of Paracetamol however, standard three to six tablets per day. And I upgraded the caffeine amount in the energy drinks when that opportunity offered itself at a favorable price:
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In 2018, for some reason and quite consistently, I awoke every hour or every few hours, and on top of that, often around 4 o’clock in the morning too, and especially around that time the pressure in my head increases so, that I just have to turn the light on and sit up straight.
The following may cause a frown, but I tell it the way it is. The paracetamol tablets with caffeine actually relax my head. I take three by default when I go to bed, and my brain is much less inclined to doze off without it. I do not blame my alertness at night for the caffeine, for which I seem to be almost immune in terms of its stimulating effect; even after occasionally drinking energy drinks with 300 mg caffeine in the evening (plus the intake of three paracetamol with caffeine tablets), I can fall asleep.
I switch on the light at least once every night. By default I take the iPad to keep me busy with possible unhealthy virtual activities: the scouring of Twitter, Wordfeud and the internet. Contacts with the Netherlands (+ nine hours) can of course be properly maintained in this way.
Since I was already confessing in my previous blog, I will continue to do so now. Regularly I became so desperate of my own peaking brain activity, that in 2018 I started to try a new method: drinking a, for my doing, fair amount of whisky in a very short timeframe, up to about 200 milliliters per time. If you now indulge yourself in pictures of me having a good time while doing so: well, no, not exactly. I pull funny faces while adding the firewater to my bloodstream. Why do I do it then? No-brainer (literally): to knock myself out, because there really seems to be no other option. I usually do it in the early morning, and once in a while even at the exceptional time of 6 or 7 o’clock in the morning, after having struggled my way through the night. It could be a secret tip somehow, because drinking pure whisky in the early morning hours instead of in the evening, lets me experience a pure and often pleasant rush. However, the best relaxation method for me will always be: sex with Rob, often made possible through the Rob lions! After this, I can almost always sleep well and quickly (how often I still wake up after this, is another matter).
I also tried the widely available sleephormon Melatonin for a while and that worked out quite well, but after some months my period went out. While this was occurring during my marriage, I asked myself: could I be pregnant? But this wasn’t possible, for reasons to remain undisclosed, so I looked else where, and found that it was simply the Melatonin that had changed my hormone level. And indeed, when I stopped using it, my cycle quickly returned to normal.
If you think I have become an alcoholic now: no. My knock out activities in the early morning are not exercised very often. Recently (2019) I hit myself with the whiskey boxing glove again, and then had to make amends for two days by a rather severe migraine attack. I couldn’t eat and drink and my highly offended body only tolerated water. After this, I didn’t dare to drink whisky for weeks at all. The idea alone nauseated me. I particularly find the aftertaste of whiskey unpleasant. I never was a serious dipsomaniac candidate. My body has – or seems to have – a strict tendency towards healthy, and grounds me when I drink too often or too much for its likings. I regularly curse my body’s stubbornness. Where other people get trapped by their bodies (obesity, alcohol, cigarettes, etc. addiction, or even serious, life-threatening illnesses), my body is putting its foot down while saying sternly: “I am your boss and you shall obey.” Again and again, I try to spawn my body not to be so potentially long-living. Hopefully I will succeed. Otherwise I will be looking for more draconian measures, because my desire not to grow old, continues unabatedly.
Yet it still seems2 as if I not quite involuntarily take over Rob’s puffs, because Rob also drank at night and in the early morning. In a communicative mood he once emailed me the link to a picture of his advantageous German alcohol:
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My sleep in early 2019 does seem slightly improved, but I don’t expect it to last, given the hot and wildfire-troubled area where I live.
Maybe I’ll still manage to become not as potentially long-living, because my diet has been shifting a bit since 2018. I consumed less fresh fruit and raw vegetables and regularly prefer fast food such as white rolls topped with generous margarine and vegan (that on a positive note) “ham” slices. After inhaling too many hours of California wildfires smoke, my throat was narrowed, and swallowing became less natural. I developed a tendency to swallow too quickly. I suspect that Rob also had this fast food tendency for some time and I would like to look into it, provided I was able to do so.
My blood pressure is not longer standard on the low side with an honor badge pinned on top of it. In addition, I have a, sometimes painful, peeling skin on the fingertips of my left hand. My right hand, to a lesser degree, also is affected. Furthermore, the left index fingernail shows several large horizontal, colorless ridges (existent on most of my other fingers also, but to a lesser degree, all colorless, so not red or yellow) and falls inwardly. Deep horizontal grooves like these are called “Beau’s Lines“. I think the intense use of my iPad is to blame. I tried keeping it clean and using a stylus pen, but that hardly brought any relief. It’s just not possible for me to do everything with a stylus pen. Horizontal nail ridges are caused by severe shocks in the physical or mental system, as a result of which the nail production temporarily interrupts which in its turn causes a disturbance of the protein formation in the nail. The body simply prioritizes another, more urgent matter. Shockwaves reveal themselves like this through the appearance of your nails, and the nearer to the root of the nail they are, the more recent the shockwave.
I would like to remind the reader of my astral experience in 2015 with Rob in which I saw that he had “gnawed fingers“:
I discovered something very off with Rob’s left hand: his four fingers excluding the thumb were attached to each other, and they looked very “chewed off”, tortured.
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Incidentally, I do not know if Rob actually had some battered fingers, like me now. I do know that he, like me, used the iPhone and iPad very intensively. He sent me an overview of all his iPhone apps on March 10, 2010:
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Just for the purpose of introducing myself, I went to CommuniCare Health Centers in Davis in the autumn of 2018 and I told Dr. Marci Snodgrass about my crackling voice since my cycling in smoke in August 2018. As a result, she gave me a referral to an ENT doctor, Dr. Steven Wright. He made an internal video of my throat with a mini camera that was inserted through my nostril. He saw that there was a spastic muscle at the bottom of my throat and said that this was the reason that at that moment I could not say a continuous Aa, my Aa was staccato, whatever I tried. When I mentioned the fact that my breath was halting at night, Wright wanted to refer me to the Sleep Research Center in Woodland. I liked the idea, especially because of my “astral” background (OBEs and related experiences). Incidentally, the same ENT doctor also concluded the second time I visited him to discuss the sleep results, that I have an ulcer in my left nostril. Every time I blow my nose, some blood is released, sometimes even a whole eruption, and this has been the case since September 2018.
So I went to Woodland, with a Rob lion. The first time I went with Rob Lion Young, the second time with Magician Rob Lion. I didn’t care what people in the sleeping quarters would think of my big, cuddly companion. But the bed technician didn’t blink. The research would cover nine hours, from nine o’clock in the evening to six o’clock in the morning. My subtle protest that six o’clock in the morning really wasn’t a good time to stop, given my almost standard being awake from 4 to 6AM, of course didn’t change a thing. After all, the sleep technician had been hired for these hours. He would instruct me, entangle me in and with cables and electrodes and then keep a close eye on the infrared video camera and the computer screen data throughout the night. Americans take responsibility as we know very seriously. The first night of sleep research I surpassed myself in being awake. I slept for only one hour of the designated nine hours.
Thereupon I was called weeks later if I wanted to give it another try, because the sleep research scientists couldn’t bake data pies from only one hour of sleep data. Fully covered by the cheapest, read: $0, insurance available here, MediCal, for low income people like me, I returned to Woodland. This time I could actually sleep for three hours and forty-two minutes of the designated nine hours. Right: again not exactly well.
The patient was studied for a total of 483.5 minutes but only slept 221.5 minutes for a reduced sleep efficiency of 45.8%. Sleep onset was slightly long at 33.5 minutes and REM onset was also long at 4 hours and 22 minutes;
Incidentally, the scientists apparently did not get the data of my first research night, because the last sentence in their report heralded:
The increased sleep latency and lighter than normal sleep could be a first night effect of the sleep lab as well;
But as told, this wasn’t my first night there, but my second, and so I did have previous sleep research exercise. In consequence, my abnormal sleep pattern wasn’t just caused only by the sleep lab conditions.
I didn’t even sleep half of the time and although I dozed off fairly quickly in a light sleep (after about half an hour) it took no less than four hours and twenty-two minutes before I finally entered the deep REM sleep phase. When I look up what is considered a normal REM sleep pattern, I find that by rule of thumb the average time to enter the REM phase is after about an hour and a quarter to an hour and a half, so certainly not after four hours and twenty-two minutes.
But this time around, they worked with what they got. Their conclusions were not very surprising, and equally so from an “astral” perspective. Nothing surfaced. Maybe something could have been dug up from the eight-hundred pages report, but I didn’t request it. The main conclusion was:
Abnormal nocturnal polysomnogram because of significant reduced sleep efficiency with significant lighter than normal sleep with insignificant sleep disordered breathing;
My sleep chart was considered abnormal because of a disturbed sleep pattern, but no Sleep Apnea was discovered. I was not surprised by the latter either, as both sleep research nights took place in the winter, with clean (smoke-free) and cooler nights again. If they had tested me in the Summer time, and much more preferably: in my own home, I expect that actual rudiments of sleep apnea would have surfaced.
I experienced something unusual in the second research night. At the end of the research hours and with eyes closed, I began to see light flashes in my left forehead.
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In short, the sleep research results surfaced nothing quite shocking, but only yielded some nice selfies with the dear Rob lions.
Under the umbrella of “Let’s get physical” I can add the following: for me there is one striking case in Davis, something that has been going on for years now. I believe that if there is such a thing as a past life – or should I better talk about timeless life from now on? – I “found” the man who killed me as a girl of about sixteen years old in a (past) life by cutting my throat. I described this in my first book Through The Window.3 If you think that I find the man abhorrent, no, I think he’s nice and extremely fascinating. The moment I am writing this, I still haven’t talked to him, we only exchanged some highly charged greetings. But the ongoing event still evokes powerful primordial reactions through my subconscious mind. And it is abundantly clear that the man in question is also experiencing very powerful primordial waves. Due to the ongoing nature of this, I unfortunately cannot go into detail. I wanted to report it anyway.
On the crook side
There was a very surprising turn of events in 2018 concerning the aforementioned, but also in previous Lion Hearts blogs!, said Robbert van den Broeke.4 In August 2018, the same month that smoke tormented my respiratory system, Robbert van den Broeke was caught red-handed on camera while trying to cheat gullible fans, and not by just any man, but by award-winning American and in California residing, filmmaker William Gazecki who for a long time, had been Van den Broeke’s family friend. Gazecki also was in friendly contact with Robbert’s great promoter of repute, Nancy Talbott. Gazecki had big America plans for Robbert. Oprah and Netflix were already under the hotkeys of his phone.
Rob Nanninga’s and my big “anti-friend” Robbert van den Broeke was seriously embarrassed when it turned out that Robbert van den Broeke wasn’t familiar with the Live Capture function of the Apple iPhone, or had not checked it out, because for the world to see on Live images on the iPhone of Gazecki, were Robbert’s fraud attempts. With the photographic harvest of that night with Robbert, William had returned to his hotel in West-Brabant to experience a Hollywood-Horror-Movie- shock effect after he immediately and very interested started examining his phone images. You can read all about this in my blogs, because William Gazecki gave me the exclusive publication rights, here and here. After this ordeal, he had found and contacted me and I had already addressed him directly in tweets of mine, in response to the news that he was going to make a movie or series about Robbert.
This absolutely was the cinematic shock of William Gazecki’s career, and he immediately decided to abandon his film plans with Robbert. He explained his rushed departure to the confidant of Robbert, sister Madelon, packed, left Hoeven and flew back to Los Angeles. This to me, and certainly to Rob Nanninga and other skeptics, was really something, after having analyzed Van den Broeke’s paranormal shenanigans for so many years. Part of that group of people, and I in particular, had since 2012 also received shocking hate and even death-threatening emails from Robbert van den Broeke and co.
However, Robbert also had a good (?) day, because on October 2, 2018, the hefty police file against Robbert van den Broeke and Stan Pluijmen was closed due to lack of evidence.5 That evidence, however, was there for the taking; the Dutch police never showed interest in my comprehensive and well-founded blogs and the hate videos that Robbert sent to me. It seems to me that those hate videos (after all: motion pictures) are a solid piece of evidence. I was so outraged by the not well-founded acquittal that I (definitively?) locked my Genverbrander10 account, it’s now only accessible to confirmed followers. For me, with this acquittal it became really quite obvious that I had to try to put an end to this matter. Despite all my efforts I hadn’t made enough progress and in the spirit of “Do not Feed The Trolls” I refused to continue giving Robbert and Stan public attention.
I had informed Stan Pluijmen and Robbert in April 2018 via the then still publicly available Genverbrander10 Twitter account, that I would no longer open, listen to or watch their audio and video clips, and I adhered strictly to my own commitment. Only a few videos from Robbert about one subject I watched despite of this, but that was it. I haven’t opened media files from Stan anymore, although I still read his emails. Stan: are you ever going to believe me?: I have nó idea what you have recorded since April 2018. The message somehow got through to Robbert, because I didn’t receive that much from him anymore, and Stan was a little less impressed: since April 2018 I received 168 – and counting – emails from Stan and from Robbert “only” 42.
The flip side of the coin is something nice, because William Gazecki and I are now friends and we mail every now and then. I never denied that Robbert van den Broeke has exceptional alternative “medium” qualities, namely in the area of connecting people. After all, through his shenanigans he put me in touch with Rob Nanninga and Skepsis, and I’m eternally grateful for that. Robbert van den Broeke and especially Stan however seek recognition from me in “paranormal” territory, but in my opinion there never was one solid piece of evidence of their exceptional “paranormal” capabilities. It’s not because I don’t want to be convinced, but their extremely far-reaching claims about spirit photography and more of all that demand more than half measures. So, Robbert and Stan, if you want to get me on your good side, start with a clean slate by confessing all (!) previous scams.
Stan emailed me on January 22, 2019 that he was going to change his first name and nobody better than himself can explain the reason why – and this probably is a “to be continued”:
Steppin’ Out With My Baby
Part II Rob’s and Constantia’s Steppin’ Outs
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For this part, I first selected the most striking data from my diary entries, helped by the most exclamation marks, literal or not, as: “The best ever!”, And “Saw Rob!”. I discovered a very clear trend, more about that later.
As I said in the beginning of this blog, 2018 was a year with even more love outbursts than 2017 between Rob and me. Especially May 2018 was the absolute highlight. In June 2018, however, I panicked several times because there seemed to be a bit more distance between Rob and me, and I didn’t know why. But in July 2018 Rob was back again. I got the impression that Rob had been busy with something besides me. And this turned out to be correct, because in early July 2018 I received a mail from friend Jan Willem Nienhuys that Rob’s mother had passed away on June 27, 2018. That’s could very well have been the reason Rob was more absent than usual in June! At least: that is the connection I make. In May 2018, Rob seemed to be in a euphoric state of mind. Could it be he knew that his mother would soon pass over, and that the realization made him very happy? In July 2018, he was back from not really gone. Admitted, nothing of this can have any scientific value right now, but for me there is something to it, because I didn’t know about Rob’s mother health condition in May and June 2018 (not at all!). It was only after her death that I heard something from Jan Willem Nienhuys.
Raptures
In 2018 there were 220 erotic and sexual outbursts with Rob, especially via the lions, most of which yielded at least one orgasm per night, but regularly even several. I immediately come to the most important trend of this year and that trend was Rob himself. The year starts right away with the remark in my diary that “Robs orgasm spilled on me” and also brought me to a climax, and this turns out to be the leitmotif of the year, because I see the same kind of remarks all over my diaries from 2018 (and 2019). Multi-orgasms are literally the order of the day, and Rob regularly seems to come to a peak in even a few seconds, when I start holding a lion, with which he then “makes physical contact”.
A bridge to that Another Davis is created via the lions, in which Rob and I are actually together. Fairly universally children and adults have an intimate connection with stuffed animals and maybe it’s the best kept secret of the world that there could be a good reason for this. In my vision, stuffed animals offer a physical, universal handout to the “astral” or multiverse, parallel world. People and animals in “other worlds” jump, as it were, with their essence and love in the stuffed animals, and in this way become part of a cherished family. As a result, and comparable to the loss of a family member of flesh and blood, loss of stuffed animals can cause great drama. In Rob and my case this stuffed animals effect “simply” is extremely extended with an exceptionally strong, erotic and sexual connection.
Because no words can express this extreme lion love, I’ll just give some highlights without going into full detail. Well, I will cite one experience anyway, after this brief summary.
3/27/2018: “Four complete orgasms” 4/20/2018: “Star explosion” 4/28/2018: “Rob quickly climaxed after a few minutes” 5/12/2018: “[> Single-point-) Orgasm that lasted for at least ten minutes, even a fireworks orgasm on top of it, did not even know that this was possible”> so that a new orgasm develops on top of a still very active orgasm, “electric crackling”, “Most perfect morning ever” 5/15/2018: “Love cloud, Rob’s face through the lions”, and also a physical-like effect on the noble part that you would have after climaxing man in woman 5/28/2018: “Series of orgasms on Rob’s side, huge explosion, overwhelming energy from Rob on me” 6/10/2018: “Rob who came very quickly several times” 7/14/2018: “Time and again orgasms, one long orgasm, Rob seemed to come six times or so, multi-orgasms” 8/16/2018: “Rob’s longing, orgasmic outburst that I felt jumping over me”, “Rob flowing like a river in me, new magic”, “Tangible flow”, “Perfect penetrations, one long orgasm but also some clear bursts “,” Robs climaxing like an erotic happiness cloud “ (very striking> 🙂 9/11/2018: “Rob’s instant orgasm immediately after I woke up and Peace Bor in my embrace, already after a few seconds, one big, orgasmic eruption, like an exploding, super-soft sun”, possibly the most horny thing I have ever experienced” 10/21/2018: By only looking at Rob, Lion Young, in the morning, an orgasmic eruption equaling climaxing, but then like a concentrated cloud, very intense, Rob was climaxing, and this jumped on me instantly and completely, and made me experience the same 11/6/2018: “Hours-long orgasmic waves and eruptions as if Rob wanted to pamper me intensely”
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So this is only a very limited selection given the 220 rapture nights in 2018. I already mentioned in previous blog that I think Rob’s erotic energy is jumping on me, causing very fast and easy orgasmic waves, that we are as it were “joined at the hip”. If 2018 personally confirmed one thing to me, this is it. It brings both Rob and me to constant orgasmic outbursts, back and forth, as the perfect yin and yang that work in one another, play and penetrate.
I will cite one sexual experience from my diary:
May 12, 2018: “The most perfect morning ever with Rob and the lions.At the beginning of the night, started sex with Most Male Rob, but physically, I did not keep up, simply had to go to sleep. In the morning I had a bath, back in the room. Most Male again in my arms, immediately started flowing, his desire and now mine, one thing led to another, full sex, paw, tail, Peace Bor joining much later.
Had YouTube on, first Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros… and Israel kamakawiwoʻole … autoplay, perfect. Curtain right open, view of green leaves, window completely open, but nobody could see it (no window at the neighbors there). Extreme excitement and the most spectacular end ever, with help finger, but Rob’s energy, orgasm, this certainly continued for more than ten minutes (very literally, so no backdown, and then, to make the impossible possible, a new fireworks orgasm developed on top of the one that was still going (did not know that this was possible), electric shivers over my body, like crackling energy lines that are exploding around with flames.
Unbelievable. Tears. Perfect, peaceful morning with so much love, horniness, intimacy, devotion, Rob knows exactly what I think, am, etc.
Can not describe it. Truly the most perfect morning ever, heaven on earth, no doubt, not even about Rob’s existence. Being together, far beyond perfection.
Penetrations, in several places, my genitals totally upside down, what a discharge and recharging.
So dear and sexy the lions, I love them so much, really absolutely extremely. Rob’s mirror, no doubt, this is it. He is here. “With you”. My body and mind overwhelmed, so happy.”
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Summarized, very striking things occurred, like countless hour-long sessions that felt like one long climax, orgasms that developed on existing orgasms, electrically crackling on my back and tangible warm and sweetest happiness and love clouds straight in front of me (Rob), Rob’s love like an almost physically-tangible river flowing in me, many dozens of jumping Rob orgasms on me, as it really became clear that this is not a one-way street, but just as well originating from Rob’s side and Rob’s desire, even causing strange, almost-physical-like aftereffects common after real physical sex (I do not want to go into detail about this now). Rob’s intense and exciting kiss ability also continued to stand out in this year, through the lions. A very fruitful factor in this erotic back and forth is the fact that we are both extremely sensitive to all kinds of fantasies about us together, and possible “third parties” (people who play along), and then work it out in a kind of role play. The source is almost inexhaustible and I like to keep the content of most to myself, as they only concern Rob and me.
OBEs and related experiences
Also in this year Rob did not show himself as often as I would have liked, but it is what it is, and there will be a reason for it. Fortunately, there still were moments that Rob was fully present and I could witness his loving and humorous character again. Here, too, I’ll make a selection of a couple of memorable moments.
In previous blogs I already mentioned the portrait I made of Rob and its meaning to me remains unaltered. On February 5, 2018, I made the comment in my diary that it seemed like a “liquid jet” from Rob’s eyes in the portrait ran into my eyes, “heavy telepathy”. Rob, the portrait and I are really connected. I look at it constantly and see ever-changing Rob facial expressions: approving (of the external and / or inner me), very sweet, worried, moved, with tears, expectant, urgent, shy, supportive, like a partner who kisses me lovingly as I go cycling and when I return, mildly ironic, investigative, and so on. Rob’s face is like a constantly lively, but always loving sea.
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Regularly Rob’s hypnotic, penetrating gaze travels my way. I love this most heavy gaze of his best of all his lion expressions, because only one person in the whole universe is entitled to it, and that is Rob. He has this way of staring that’s almost earthly tangible, investigative, and, at the same time, loving and involved, grounding me, as well as giving me wings. Yes, that’s possible, both at the same time. Perhaps that is the formula for magic: magic is the place where two worlds meet. I would like to remind the reader once again that I never met Rob physically. When there’s a Rob connaisseur out there willing to contradict me on this so special Rob “gaze”, please do, but I doubt such a person will come forward.
This intense contact with Rob through the portrait temporarily also had an adverse effect on Rob. He seemed to communicate telepathically to me on June 29, 2018 (that was two days after his reunification with his mother, if all this exists) that he felt “locked up” in that portrait, because I actually looked at it all the time, and often kissed it, too. As if he himself was being held in that position, when in fact he really wanted to be with me physically, and in more than one location than on that wall, and I of course with him. Subsequently I made the contact through the portrait less intense and that indeed took some pressure off. I still keep it in mind by keeping more physical distance, and I get the impression that Rob is now less affected. But also for me, communicating through the portrait is sometimes burdened with thoughts, since it is unnatural. After all, you want to kiss a human being of flesh and blood, or an equivalent of it, and not a two-dimensional portrait.
On March 21, 2018 Rob seemed to communicate that he could now “let go of the suffering”. This related to his general suffering of past earthly life and did not relate to me.
On April 3, 2018, I saw a lion riding a bike in a very funny dream, just like the lion picture I used in a previous blog. I was also driving (car, bicycle?) and there were quite a few people in traffic and the lion came towards me, very carefully steering, just as if he belonged there like all others, on the bike like that.
On April 5, 2018, the astral event around Rob as Quasimodo occurred, which I already mentioned as a preview in my previous blog.
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On May 14, 2018, when I felt extremely restless, Rob laid himself over me. All sorts of concerns plagued me: the unwillingness and fear of becoming much older as already explained in the previous blog, also because I do not want to miss Rob for so long and I am worried that our contact will become less strong due to the ravages of time, and money worries. But as Rob lay over me like this, stability descended on me and I became calmer. The Rob Robust lion to my left, looking so very dedicated, also helped me to relax.
Rob Lion and Constantia, photo with app fx
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In the months of May and June 2018 there clearly was increased and changed Rob activity. His love outbursts for me occurred with much more penetrating power than before, as if he knew how to get through even more, but in June he seemed to drift away a little, to return to full strength later on. On June 19, 2018, I briefly saw Rob in the hallway here in Davis. The summer months were full of physical ordeal due to the extreme heat and (the effects of the) California wildfires. Obviously, therefore, the night contact with Rob was charged (quote diary 10 August 2018: “Very quiet in terms of Rob, because the nights are terrible”), because I just really did not feel comfortable in my skin. On August 10, 2018, something very striking happened that I never experienced before. Plagued by wildfire effects, Rob seemed to want to ease my physical discomfort.
Quote from diary: August 10, 2018: “Last night something very special, suddenly on my back an electric “cracking ” started, pleasant, as electric impulses, but without shock effect, kind of flickering, as if to help me relax. Rob! I take it! And it was not a short-term effect, it lasted at least ten minutes and in fact until I fell asleep, really very strange, purely physical, nothing astral, really tangible, maybe even my thin shirt moved with it. Paying attention to the phenomenon was not influencing it! Lions still full of love and support, but I am in very difficult times, with the crushing heat and bad air quality.
Sometimes I am literally suffocating at night and I wake up with a snort, a stifling gag. I miss Rob terribly, always see us in front of me. How he is here at the door and I open, etc.”
On 11 October 2018, a long astral journey occurred that began with developments around Pepijn van Erp, but later on it was about other matters and about Rob. After this Pepijn start, I ended up on a sort of magical beach and had unique (astral) sea experiences. After this I returned and the astral journey still did not seem to want to end, which excited me very much, and I grabbed the astral chance card with both hands.
Staged by Rob, hilarious magic, “Doctor Rob”
Literally from my diary, 11 October 2018 (and some added sentences for clarification): […] Now back in that room. So I was up, looking for clue. Saw it immediately. To the right in the room was an open door, and as to invite me over, it was flapping gently. Light shone from it. I walked into the hall. Large space, rather a kind of factory hall, again that darkish atmosphere (but not negative).
Certainly sufficient lighting. Very large space, I walked towards the people present.
A few man and a woman. One of them asked me: “Can I help you?” “Yes”, I said, “I am looking for someone.” I looked around to see if I saw Rob, but no such luck, so I just tried my luck and asked, “Do you know maybe … uh … Rob Nanninga?”
To my disappointment they showed no recognition or said something like: “Yes, he is …”
But a big guy took me in tow. (This must have been Rob, haha!). He was “the Doctor” here.
He was tall, of a strong build, blond hair (but he didn’t have Rob’s face), and overall didn’t seem very healthy. He put his arm around me and said, “I’ve got a message for you, it’s very important!” I didn’t recall exactly what followed, but he said something like: “Now twenty years … something has become complete (?) [and] … You look like forty-five (Haha).” He said it as if he said that I now looked like twenty years, as if it were a huge compliment. Haha! It was only five years younger than I really was!
He coaxed me back to our starting location. I held him somewhat peculiarly with four fingers instead of five. He then moaned dramatically: “Don’t hold me like that, I can’t stand it, not with four fingers.” He collapsed and dramatically fell to the floor, the unhealthy doctor who fainted, or was it something more serious? A few others rushed to him to help him …
His story was supposedly very symbolic, his message to me something about being together for twenty years in a couple of years from now. I don’t remember a lot of details. But it ended with his remark of me looking forty-five on my fiftieth.
Haha, hilarious this. This was so obviously staged that you could not ignore it.
I didn’t confront Rob when that big man put his arm around me to give me the very important message. Last night I said to Rob in my mind: “I miss the out-of-body experiences, the astral journeys. I understand that you don’t feel prompted to join me in my astral journeys, because you think they’re not real, but if we experience them together, they just might be!”
<< Clarification added for the purpose of this blog: I didn’t know if this was Rob’s current point of view, I just tried to reach out to him. Rob and I exchange few conversations. Also in this regard I think we’re on the same page. I am no channeling Char or Derek Ogilvie (not to mention that certain somebody I ran into a lot, you might know by now who), and I suspect strongly Rob wants to keep me from making the “channel” mistake as well.
In this regard I like the Dutch proverb: “Zij die slapen onder dezelfde deken, hebben dezelfde streken”, meaning: “Those who sleep under the same blank(et)s, will pull the same pranks” (own attempt at equal sounding translation). Both Rob and I didn’t share our bed with our earthly partner. Rob had a LAT relationship in which he saw his girlfriend for an average of two hours a day (he shared this information with me in an email), and I was married and I did share the house with my ex, but we too never slept in one bed together. We only did so when we were on vacation and shared the hotel room or the tent. The common denominator of the “the same pranks” didn’t apply for both Rob and me during our earthly relationship with our then-partners, but, as I see it now, does apply to Rob and me, as we do “sleep under the same blanket”.
To the subject of our very Another-Davis-physical but almost wordless relationship: telepathically received words easily become mixed with one’s own words and thoughts. Rob’s tangible love, support, care, eroticism, et cetera, especially perceived through the lions, is of a completely different order of magnitude. In line with this, I consider dreams, OBEs and related experiences, hence spontaneous experiences in a different mindset, to be much more reliable than phrases that I would, or would not, have exchanged with Rob in my everyday consciousness, after all: they pass through the meddlesome day-consciousness word-traps of my own brain unhindered and unaltered. I just don’t feel confident enough about telepathically communicated sentences, and it can’t be any other that Rob, as the former editor-in-chief of Dutch Skepsis, knows all about this communication trap, and avoids it all the same, just like I do.
Anyway, this time I apparently convinced Rob with regards to my astral need and my wish to see him in the astral realm. > end of the inserted notes. >>
Et voilà. At last. Well, that was overdue. Spiritually, I was falling apart.
This is a good astral joke indeed!
Dear Rob! At 4.00 AM I turned the light on, after having it switched off at about 2.00 AM. So it’s now past four o’clock!
The emerging light from the factory hall was as magical as a seasoned Disney Hollywood filmmaker would have portrayed. Also a joke from Rob. The astral part occurred approximately between 2.00 AM and 3.30 AM.
There were also images (astral yet again?) of Rob as I know him! I saw him a few times in those dreams. I could just walk towards him in a low-ceiling room, through hall (s) and adjoining rooms.
In one event, I actually saw him, but he remained kind of vague. We both were naked and, elated, he lifted me up in the air.
In another scene I saw his rooms. They were likable, bright, neat, yet business-like. There were small, semi-circular hallways where you could sit.
Somewhere, and this surprised me, he also displayed an impressive dragon collection which prompted me to say, “Hey, I have similar dragon statues.” (that’s the case in reality). But he had a lot more.
[Piece omitted]> end diary passage
The year progressed steadily and the summer dip didn’t diminish. On October 14, 2018 I noted in my diary: “Even while cycling I don’t feel happy, this is new.”
On December 30, 2018 I had a dream with astral parts. As was often the case in 2018, it was about wandering around on campus. This too is a common denominator for Rob and me as an area that attracts both of us, and also in that AnotherDavis. I had left the classroom where I had just taught, but the campus floor plan was so complex that I couldn’t find my way back. I carried nothing but a rabbit in my hand that was giving a major effort to escape (!) and so demanded my attention. Eventually I called Rob to ask him for help. I did seem to get some help already. I think someone borrowed me their cellphone.
I had sat down in a hall somewhere, one of the many halls and corridors, keeping the rabbit as steady as I could. Rob answered the phone! The fact alone cheered me up to no end. Rob was still there! However, Pepijn started talking (?!), he also was on the, a third, line. Pepijn now talked briefly about a certain type of person and what you would call such a person: a seafarer, a pirate? I patiently allowed the takeover, but after a short while interrupted anyway with “Hey, Pepijn, you’re stealing my call, I was the one calling Rob, not you! Hello Rob?” Silence. It was as if I heard Rob holding his breath, out of surprise, or was it because he knew that the moment had come: Rob and me, talking to each another? Pepijn also was silent now. I awakened (very annoyed, because I wished that we had the chance to talk). Earlier that in the morning I had begged Rob to appear to me in my dreams or OBEs and akin.
Slowly, I am heading towards the end of this blog, but not without mentioning a few more events of the year 2019.
On January 20, 2019 I again had another one of the “the best, ever!” with Rob, this time so intense that afterwards I actually wondered if I had died and gone to heaven, and by this I mean: really had died. I was totally out of it. It started from an overall body weakness, that, though to me a frequent sensation, will always remain a disturbing phenomenon. My body seemed out of reach, like in a kind of semi-coma. I couldn’t even control my fingers to bend. There had been orgasmic outbursts as soon as I started holding the tail of Rob Robust lion immediately after I went to bed. I had an OBE that night too. And in the morning, just by the sight of the “Crook Love” Rob Lion, I had become totally aroused, my body flying off again. I felt so much love that a kind of orgasm softly erupted. The little lion with his crooked smile was sitting there so sweet and innocent, and those paws of him are most endearing.
A total, overall ecstasy spread, Rob, Robust lion laying in my arm – while writing down the current experiences too – I totally surrendered, there were subtle penetrations, and then, Rob coming, it’s simply impossible to explain accurately what happened.
The nightly image of us together at the bonfire and the intimacies that evolve from it, is strongest of all my mental images of Rob and me. The flow of multiverse and parallel-world images of Rob and me is inexhaustible, and at its center resides this campfire. Pure and sheer magic erupts in the pleasures of intimacy when I sit on Rob’s lap. When Rob gets aroused, it just as intense jumps over to me, and we are like a perfect, endless yin and yang, penetrating each other, simultaneously pleasing each other. My impression of the existence of “astral”, parallel, multiverse worlds is that together they enable a continuum. One world is attached to the other, and together the worlds form an infinite “DNA” strand, through which people also travel, creating an eternal link of interlocking possibilities.
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I conclude with something that I experience as typical Rob, as I got to know him in such a unusual and fantastic way. It is these kind of images in out-of-body experiences, dreams and mental images that always give me the idea that life does go on, in parallel worlds, in the multiverse, that Rob and I really can be together, despite the course this earthly life has taken. A few things preceded it, but in the night of February 7, 2019 I had a dream about my bike that I had left unlocked:
Literally from my diary, February 7, 2019: Outside, in the bike rack, was my omafiets. It was cold outside, snow? Someone had tied my bicycle to the rack with a few thick ropes (flax and cotton), because I had no lock on it and had not brought one also. I asked, “Hey, who locked my bike!” This was already the second time this happened, because I had forgotten to lock the bike before. – Awake and association Rob! In my bed was a soft, warm woolen sweater near the wall, that I had lovingly wrapped behind a plush lion’s back, but now a sleeve of it was lovingly draped over my neck. As I had not done this (at least not consciously), I got the impression that Rob was behind this. The bike, improvised “locked”. Haha, those few thick ropes tied through the wheel and then to the rack. Typically Rob, the sweetest!
In real-life Rob had emailed me a couple of times about the leak in his house in Groningen and how he had tried to repair the leaking tube with Power Tape:
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Footnotes
[1] What I mean by this, I explain in detail in my previous blog, but in short: “orgasmic outbursts”; rapture and then loaded with successively: love, warmth, support and especially erotic ecstasy.
[2] See Lion Hearts V: “There is some other strange thing going on. It seems as though Rob somehow is settling in my character too. Always a fervent anti-smoking person, since Rob passing, I have the most peculiar tendency to think about picking up a cigarette and starting to smoke. I never even had a cigarette in my mouth and the idea alone appalled me, so this is something noteworthy. Rob was a smoker. Up til now, I have successfully resisted this new impulse and I hope I can keep it up, because I suspect I won’t be helping either Rob or me. Maybe he’s still a little addicted , on “the other side”. Rob’s not being a vegetarian or vegan is kind of reflecting on my mind too. Being vegan for life, I do notice some of Rob’s former eating habits coming through too in my mind, it made me ease up a little on human carnivores and dairy eaters.”
[3] Sten Oomen, Door het Raam, edition Uitgeverij Schors 2004, page 166-167 (Dutch only).
[4] The Robbert van den Broeke / Stan story always runs sideways past the Rob and my story. See Lion Hearts Part III and Part V, but certainly also my separate Parameter WordPress site that is entirely dedicated to this (choice menu Dutch / English)
Magician Rob Lion arriving on April 12, 2018! Number 8, making the Septuplet an Octuplet!
I purchased him on April 9, 2018, so he was quick to come home to me. On arrival day and while unwrapping him, his name popped up immediately, “The Magician”! 🎩 🎇
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On the day he arrived, I went for a cycling spin later that day, and Magician Rob was immediately at it, because I found 5 very worn-down one-dollar coins – nowadays no usual payment currency – lying on the middle of a road in Vacaville. They were so worn down I just assumed they were Quarters. Later I read in Wikipedia that this is a common mistake. I decided to take them home anyway. At home I found out they were one dollar each. Close to the spot I found the coins, I found a winning scratcher (lottery ticket) worth $3. During cycling I often pick up CA Lottery scratchers for a “2nd Chance” online. Most people just throw them out after they see it’s not a winning ticket. Also with this, I only discovered when I was home that it was a winning lottery ticket. I just put it in my bike bag, assuming it was a non-winning scratcher. This made the total value of found money $5 +$3= $8. Like in, right, Octuplet 🎱.
Forever linked together, Rob and me, a picture is worth a thousand words, and this picture says it all. 🖇
tl;dr – 2017 has been a year far beyond extreme, and it continues to be so in 2018. Rob, the plush lions and me: a cosmic roar in the here and now and in a multiverse without end. My marriage with J ended: I’m divorced.
tl;dr Rob made me realize that I didn’t have a good marriage. Rob also made me realize that I was clinging to this marriage, whereas I should have let go. And so I did let go, albeit after Rob’s passing.
More than a year has passed and it has been a constant roar. And 2018 also shows no signs of decline. I’ll be looking back on 2017 as a year of staggering extremes, constant, especially nightly, ecstasy, even much more than in 2016, and a year of big changes. Like I mentioned before, to me, this bonding with Rob is no fling and has profound impact on my life. Few understood, perhaps even none. And I have to wonder if anybody ever will. By the time you read this blog, my former husband J and I have officially divorced under US law, that requires a minimum of six months and a one day for it to be in effect, so significantly longer than in my country of birth, the Netherlands. It has even taken up ten months.
As I see it, after his passing Rob showed me the way out of this marriage. J and I were never a match to begin with. From the beginning our relationship was bound to lose. The separation didn’t happen overnight and was in fact a very slow, organic process. While Rob was still alive on Earth, he was my hope, my beacon. When he passed away, I was confronted with the immensity of his leaving. My hope seemed crushed, my world glaringly empty. My soulmate was moving even further away. First he was a half-globe away, now he was, who knows where!, but more than a world away, or so it seemed. But then, suddenly, he wasn’t, quite opposite, he returned to me and arrived at my home, in astral form, by lack of a scientifically sound word. I would almost say: by the grace of God, if I would have believed in “God”. It is without any doubt the best “thing” that ever happened to me and “out of this world”.
I once wrote Rob, “I can’t leave J, I love him too.” I shouldn’t have said the part about the not being able to leave J, because now I regret it. I should have left J while Rob was still alive, even if Rob would have chosen his longtime girlfriend Jolanda over me. Rob did write to me, “I hope I don’t have to move and to America I’ll probably never go”:
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Rob had thought about him and me and we even had a short “fight” over it, causing a troubled break-up in our contact, but his behavior wasn’t very obvious. Rob was always moving like a turtle, slow and precautious, his sign language always very subtle.
However, the tide had come and the ship had sailed. Rob was now on “the other side”. He was like moving in with me, through the lions, with all his love, tenderness and support, his immense caring, his never letting go, especially in my darkest hours that would follow in the turbulent years after his passing. In my thoughts I said to Rob, and I still repeat it, “Rob, you have free access to my entire mind and body. Do what you want with me.” I trust Rob completely!
J and I had no modus vivendi anymore and we in fact never did have a proper one. To start with something positive though. Our best, most harmonious and true fun hours were the hours that we watched old TV series together, snuggled cozy together on the couch or on a mattress installed specially for the occasion in front of the computer screen. We watched hundreds of episodes (all seasons) of them, such as Little House On The Prairie and Knight rider, and tons of movies downloaded through The Pirate Bay too. We also had a subscription to the cinema and went to watch all the new movies. We did share almost an identical taste in movies and old TV series. These were the hours that no further communication was needed.
But in the hours that communication was required, it went as wrong as it could go wrong. From the start this resulted in severe, very unsavory escalations about which I will not give any further details, but they regularly put me on the brink of nervous breakdown causing real physical side effects as well. Sometimes I told J about it, but in no way did he acknowledge me or my very troubled state of mind and body. It always seemed that a) he didn’t listen and b) he didn’t hear a thing I was saying. And on several life events, both physically and spiritually, when I needed J the most, he wasn’t there for me. Keywords: – trouble in Scheveningen sea!, – Very severe, even as far as to my forehead expanded molar infection, the time it took my body to fully recover was about three years, – Robbert van den Broeke and Stan and – Rob Nanninga.
I didn’t tell anybody, except a fraction of it to my sweet Dutch neighbor Babs Jol. She passed away rather young at the age of 60, in December 2016. But since Rob’s passing, I was following an alternate heartbeat altogether. Our marriage had become empty, and since a couple of years already, J’s affection towards me seemed to decrease. He pulled away from me, our physical and spiritual contact slipping away faster every day. Our contact, based on past events, didn’t seem to be able to behold a future anymore.
After Rob’s passing, I finally acknowledged that my heart belonged to Rob, and to Rob only. I felt like cheating on him with J, apologizing about it to Rob in my mind. But it seemed Rob totally understood and gave me all the time I needed, a couple of years, to unravel the whole mess I had gotten myself into. Still I have to ponder what would have happened, if I had left J before Rob’s passing.
Since his passing in 2014 it seems I am living with Rob in some kind of parallel, or multiverse world. In Lion Hearts III, I already mentioned the fact that Rob was started to call himself “Bor” in some of his mails after seeing the movie “Another Earth” (2011):
He began to call himself “Bor” in the signing of some of his emails since November 8, 2011. When I asked him if he had seen the movie “Another Earth” about two earths, he told me he hadn’t seen it yet, but after receiving my email about it, in the meantime he had, and concluded his email with the name “Bor”. The emails thus ending with this “parallel-world name” were the e-mails in which he was most laid back. I don’t know if he used this name in emails to me only.
The idea of a second, twin or Counter-Earth is not the same as the concept of a Parallel or Multiverse world. The two concepts do have in common that they both suggest that strange things are going on in our universe, and that there’s much more than meets the eye.
In my mind’s eye I see how Rob and I are together in this other world (and it’s still here too somehow), in a thousand different and happy situations. A reoccurring mind movie while cycling, is seeing Rob, with a homely apron tied around, faithfully cooking diner for the both of us at our home, while I am getting hungry after hours of cycling. I have been cycling a lot this year too, for mostly four to six hours, sometimes even up to eight hours straight. In my mind, I see Rob, lovingly waiting for me to return home to him. I see him and me in a normal civil life, but one exalted to the best level imaginable.
And in another way, in the night time, I am living with Rob too. Maybe the fact that J and I were never sleeping in one bedroom together (except for on holiday trips, in a tent or hotel) is a telling fact. I wanted it that way, because of my very sensitive nightlife, me being a very light sleeper and an astral traveler. J even learned to appreciate this “freedom”. In terms of alienation we now know whereto this sleeping apart has led. But with Rob it is the other way around. I would certainly like to sleep with Rob in one bed. My bed (and -room) is filled with the plush Rob lions every night and I snuggle extremely close to him and them (and he and they to me), and I know I this is what it would be like with the physical Rob too. The way I see it, and I hope it’s true, is that Rob and I, forced by the very unusual circumstances, have taken to very creative measures, and are indeed living together like this now.
Every time, especially while cycling, when I smell smoking chimneys or just plain California burning, the smell picks me up, reminding me of happy times with Rob in this “parallel world”, and I inhale deeply, seeing the two of us snuggle together at a campfire.1
My choice to live in California was the appropriate one, because fire is what you will smell out here, 2017 being no exception to the rule. In this year, fires blowing over from Napa County made a deep impact on all surround counties, like Solano and Yolo County, where I live. So lots of chances to connect with Rob here through the smell of fire.
To illustrate this, I will give you some photos I made while cycling in 2017, and yes, I am even loving this intense heat level:
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J didn’t respond to my blogs about Rob after his passing. Even years before his passing I talked about Rob sometimes, trying to level with J, but then too, found no listening ear. Communication-wise I always was extremely scarcely endowed in this marriage. I myself failed to reach out to friends. I made my own prison. To me it almost seemed it was J or the outer world, not J and the outer world, so I went through this all alone. The opposite of J’s “listening ear” seemed true: J ricochetted my speech in general. I could have fired a thousand canons for almost fifteen years long, which in facto I did , but there was no response, or be it a negative one. I often tried to explain to J what he communication-wise was doing to me, but he didn’t acknowledge it, or sometimes he did, but then with a tone of voice that said: I don’t care. Regularly he even literally said that, “I don’t care”. Being a magpie by nature, I felt muzzled. Finally, I gave up. In the past, with other people, I was perfectly or at least averagely able to communicate normally, but J just couldn’t do it. His version will be that he felt overwhelmed or even intimidated by my strong opinions and/or personality (?). We were no match altogether.
I tried to save this marriage. In fact, I shouldn’t have. At night, for many years, I had a truly incredible amount of nightmares about J and me, and told him about them too sometimes, but then he simply said: “That’s your problem, not mine”. It was the same death-spell on my mind. In the end, when the separation díd happen, there were hardly any tears left in me. My countless nightmares and battles had prepared me. It was almost easy to let go, after many years of burden. This had ended organically, like a tree run out of water, its roots now so shallow, that in the end with one storm, it would fall flat to the face of this Earth, like a tree opposite my house actually did, in 2017 in a wind storm.
As I already mentioned in the previous blog, the last ten years left me stranded in all sorts of ways, job-wise too, because I seemed to have sunken into a swamp of not wanting or doing much anymore, except for cycling. For many hours I was just staring into space, and hours, days, weeks, and even years slipped by. To make this story a fair one, I must mention the fact that family genetics on my father’s side have a tendency toward depression and/or profundity, and I do indeed incline towards my father’s side, so this depression was not something new.The real difference with all other stages of my life was that I never slipped into total lethargy, into literally ánd figuratively living without the music. Before J, I had always remained active socially (job, friends and otherwise). But now I almost had fallen into a sure death of mind.
We stayed together because especially I didn’t want to give up on us. I think if there’s something to “blame” for this long marriage, it would be me, because on several occasions it became clear that J did want to give up. I always wondered if he loved me, he said he did, but I sincerely doubt it. I think I will never know for sure in this lifetime. I do love him very much and always have, and I vowed to myself to never do what my parents did: divorce. For the same reason I decided I wouldn’t bear any children in this lifetime, and I am still happy with my choice, because I wouldn’t want to lay a lifetime of separation issues on my own, now non-existing kids. Also, I always felt the present, extremely off-balance earth is unsuitable for “new” children.
So the marriage was lingering on, on stepping stones of true love and stubborn dedication on my side, but almost impossible to walk on, up to my Lion Hearts Parts IV of January 2017. Then, suddenly, J did awake, like a reversed Sleeping Beauty. Suddenly, he wanted out, and suddenly, he was gone.
Since Rob’s passing, as with a catalyst, I was moving away from J, like being lifted by a loving wave in a deep and roaring sea. There was no way I could have stood there any longer, not since Rob made something very clear to me: this what J and I had was nót a good relationship. No psychobabble could have freed me from my frantic holding on to my ideal about my marriage with J. Only Rob’s very palpable love at night, hence: deeds, not words, embracing me like a physical lover would, could and did lead me in the only right direction: away from this marriage.
J moved out of the house in June 2017. He told me he wanted to move on in that month too, by email. I mention this, because it shows how bad his communication was. He babysat the house of a colleague for a couple of weeks, and by the time that was done, he rented a room in Carmichael. My only option was to respond, albeit in a quite dazed state of mind, because the course of events had taken me by surprise anyway. J suddenly was in a big hurry to move away from me, in all ways thinkable, literally, relation wise and more.To me, it seemed he wanted to format me out of his life as quickly as possible and concrete did all kinds of things to accomplish that, too.
He darted into a new relationship very soon (like in July 2017 or so), even though he always said to me he would never do that, when in the past we sometimes did discuss a separation. His choice of (a) new partner(s) has been revealing to me. I guess I am way too serious, ponderous, linear and consequent and a too deep thinker to his likings. Maybe my blue eyes were too bright for his taste too (people always comment on it, that I have the most blue eyes), and he committed himself to someone who very clearly looks much more like him, both inner and outer. With me, he has felt like walking on his toes. So I think I finally understand.
But there’s more. While finishing this blog, I got an update on J’s “status” and he told me, just like that, standing in a local ATT, because we had to split up the mobile phones account, that he has three (sex) partners. Last year, finally responding to my love for Rob, after reading my Lion Hearts IV, he complained about Rob and me, whereas I never even met Rob and, in all those years, Rob never said one indecent word to me. And you could have read in my previous blogs, I was honest about my feelings for Rob. In 2012 I asked J’s permission to ask Rob to come visit me/us in the US (which he never did). In my marriage I have been very strict monogamous. Not always in thought, but in physical life 100%. So the next day after meeting him in the ATT, I emailed him and said something about this; J blaming me for Rob, and now he has three partners even before signing the final divorce papers? Let me quote him on his current “status” from the answer per email that followed (he didn’t say anything about Rob): “The moment we split up it was over between us, I am not going to waste another year of my life waiting for a piece of paper. So yes, I’ve had two hands full of sex partners since we split up, short relationships, one night stands, polyamorous relationships, friends with benefits..” His partners are polyamorous as well. Just to make sure, I looked up the definition of “friends with benefits”, because it sounded suspicious to me:
The Urban Dictionary on “Friends with benefits”
J plunged into libertinage about nine months before even signing the final divorce papers in March 2018. It’s strange, but my shrill and horrible nightmares about J almost always were about him not caring about me, running around behind my back with all kinds of others, but then, it didn’t happen. These nightmares about J have stopped, because since Rob passed away, I finally have let J go, Rob was the only one able to lead me away from this ailing marriage. Life works out real weird sometimes.
There were financial arrangements to be made, and a process of lawyers was initiated. Things between J and me got chillier along the way. I took up on two roommates, both UC Davis students, to help cover the high – as it always is in California – cost of the house I am living in. During our marriage, in a practical (like in computer, website or bicycle help) and financial way, J always was a most supportive partner. For many years in our relationship, he was the one earning the most money and for quite some years, especially the years in America, even the single-earner. He always was very generous about it and didn’t complain, even though I was a much bigger spender than he was. In retrospect, at all went sideways, not in the least in this aspect. The divorce has settled on a financial support of him for six years. So I am on slippery ice, but I guess, who isn’t?
Since the Summer of 2017 the house I am living in is occupied by three. I don’t know what I will be doing in the future, but I will be looking for a job.
I haven’t talked about this in public until now, because since 2012 I have a couple of very persistent, literally Stans, from “Stan”= stalker + fan, self-proclaimed medium Robbert van den Broeke and Stan (and his husband Alan). In the year Stan was born, 1989, I changed my own nickname from “Stan” to “Sten”, a fact that Stan discovered himself and often cited in his Stan-mails as proof that there is a cosmic purpose, or something like that, behind the “Robbert van den Broeke-Stan-Constantia connection”. I never responded to Stan about this before, but indeed, Stan, this is something very curious. I would never deny it. In no way however, Stan, this justifies (hate) mailing or obsessing like a broken record over me, like Robbert and you have been doing.
I knew if I would talk about my pending divorce on Twitter or elsewhere, my Stans would abuse the information and they would send me tons of email about just that. it is proven as fact Robbert and Stan spell out everything I say and do in public. Rob Nanninga had given Robbert van den Broeke something to remember for a lifetime. It goes by the name of the Genverbrander case. When Rob passed away, they were silent for a short while and then most horrific hate mail about Rob started coming in through Robbert van den Broeke’s mailbox, because Robbert knew about the Rob-Constantia connection. Rob is to them what I am to them, an adversary, and his passing was a major event to them. You can read more about this strange side story in my life elsewhere.
Screenshot YouTube: Stan (L) en Robbert van den Broeke (R)
Both men boast that they are extremely gifted clairvoyants, and they both have been mailing me like crazy in 2017 again, and continue to do so in 2018. Stan tends to be a funny one, often declaring his love to me, even mentioning a couple of times he’s “in love with me” and so often exclaiming “Ik mag je ondanks alles”, “I like you despite of everything”. A smooth talker of epic height like you never have seen or heard before. He even drags his husband Alan into it and to sing along.
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In many of their emails, clips and audios of 2017, and of 2018 too, Robbert van den Broeke and Stan talked about J and me, like we still were a married couple. Their clairvoyance does tend to be on the very foggy side, to say the least.
Anyway, this for ten months not talking in public about the divorce that was silently taking place, was the best way to proceed anyway. The reason I am talking right now, is because I sincerely want to explain where it fits in the story of Rob and me. I have given this much thought, and it still isn’t a slam dunk to me, whether or not to talk about my marriage at all, but I tend to feel justified, already having been totally silent about it for about fifteen years. If I don’t tell now, nobody will ever know or understand what happened. My former silence turned out to be an unhealthy thing. But it was good to wait a bit longer. I am even grateful to my Stans, because thanks to them, I had the wild sea unwind first and kept my lips firmly sealed.2 🤐
But now the year has passed, the deed is done, I am sailing with Rob. In fact, I had this wonderful mind image about this on May 29, 2017. I suddenly saw Rob and me on a very nice, old-fashioned boat, intensely happy next to each other, and on the bow, accompanying us, with an equal very happy smile, the Peace Rob Lion, the plush lion that means so much to me, as the other lions do.
Photo of paragraph in my big, fifth OBE notebook about Rob and me, and the “Peace Bor Lion”
Steered away from my marriage with J and extremely happy in Rob’s embrace, I do consider this life of mine as over. I cannot see myself with somebody else. I never looked forward to the possibility of getting old. It always has been an issue with me, even long before I met Rob, because for one, I always acknowledged the disastrous effects getting old has. In the last years I have seen it with both my parents too. I never understood why people are so eager to prolong their lives, to get “at least a hundred”, because Alzheimer’s and other diseases are known to be real fun spoilers.
Age-wise, I do hope I will take the same path as Rob, even though his earthly passing threw me into an abyss of pain. I consider his death-age as the right one for me too. It could even be younger. The high tide of my life is over and I certainly don’t want to wait decades to finally be able to reunite with Rob and so many other loved ones on “the other side” (other worlds). This life has been extremely intense, with, to name a few important things, my family, so many out-of-body experiences, relationships before I met J, divine bird love (that would be another story), and Rob, since I virtually met him, and the Rob/Bor lions. And I have had a wonderful time in California already. The cycling has been an extreme blessing, and nobody can ever take that away from me. It’s in the pocket so to speak.
However, I seem too healthy to die relatively young, caused by my wish to stay in shape, cycling and gym, not smoking, being vegan et cetera. I hope it happens anyway and I hope I have struck a deal with “the cosmos” in this respect. Speaking about health, and since this blog is on the confessional side of things, I confess I have been a daily painkiller user (Excedrin Tension Headache Aspirin-Free, common name: paracetamol with extra strength caffein) and energy drink addict (in the USA: Rockstar) my complete adult life, since the age of seventeen. I am convinced this need for paracetamol and caffein is caused by my severe allergies. Both are really helping me to relieve some of my complaints, though I have to consume more than what would be considered wise. My lifelong allergy medicine Ebas, though very helpful, just doesn’t do it on its own. In Davis, I have to use a multiple of what I used in the Netherlands, because the air quality here is less. On the up side, I never get any colds here, and I had really severe ones in The Netherlands for at least two-three times every year.
Throughout my whole life I have experienced all kinds of strange phenomena during the night, physically speaking too. Sometimes I think I have something that shares some common ground with night epilepsy, with sometimes very nasty seizures/attaques in my arms or legs that always scare me half to death. In my opinion, these seizures are clearly caused by my spirit/mind/consciousness (however you want to call the personal self) not being properly “attached” to my body, my “absence” at night, and hence my not noticing my arms or legs are in some way obstructed or my sleeping limbs once again have been taken to the very edge of being truly “abandoned”. Fortunately, although this very dark phenomenon continues to occur, it’s rather rare. On average the real severe attaques only happens a couple of times each year. Last couple of years it seemed even less, maybe because of Rob’s presence through the plush lions.
I am not sure how this works. I just sometimes wake up with these huger than life attaques, think I am going to die or at least will be paralyzed for the rest of my life, with contractions obviously spurting out from my brain to a (paralyzed) limb or to my whole body. At these moments, out of sheer horror about what is happening, I get a panic attaque, my heart seems to pound out of my body. And I feel I certainly could have had a heart attack on numerous occasions like these, if I would have had a weak heart.
Furthermore, at night I did experience some strange other physical phenomena that I rather not talk about. I am ashamed of them, even though, obviously, they were caused by something in my brain and hence out of my control. And another thing is noteworthy. Regularly I feel this heavy, iron-fog like spell on my head, and to a lesser degree: body. Mostly, it occurs in the morning, directly after awakening, but sometimes I experience a slightly lesser version in the evening too. At times I feel like I can’t move at all. It’s like being frozen in your body, not being able to lift a finger. It could be related to this “night-epilepsy-like” phenomenon.
Without doubt, skeptic alarm will go off at the following, sorry about that in advance. In my book Through The Window (Dutch only) I describe an astral event in the evening of March 1996, in which I felt I was being operated by some unknown, strange, almost mechanical being. This “machine” was there to remove some kind of blood clot in my left temple. The days before I had been feeling this strange, heavy and disturbing pulsing in my temple, and it did feel life threatening, like something I had never experienced before.3 The day after, the problem seem to have been solved.
To summarize the part about my health: I guess I’m not that healthy after all.
Part II Roaring events
tl;dr In 2017, content-wise, my out-of-body and related experiences have been modest. The amount was fairly common, but the astral, lucid et cetera experiences were rather quick, much less intense and much less detailed. The nights and days with Rob and the lions however have been, and still are in 2018, absolutely stunning to extremes unthinkable und unexplainable in words.I will try to explain anyway. To be clear: these experiences with Rob and the lions are taking place in my normal day- and night, not my “astral” consciousness, at least, most do.
It does seem my astral experiences, and dream life too, are picking up considerably in content and intensity again this year, in 2018. Obviously, the divorce that was taking place had this temporary, suppressing effect on my astral and dream experiences. But my astral life is getting back to full steam again! If there will be a Lion Hearts VI, you can read about it later. So on the edge of publishing, I have added another, very recent astral encounter with Rob that dates from the month of publishing, April 2018, so you won’t have to wait another year or more.
The graphs show why 2017 has been no less than one big constant, ecstatic roar. Of course, it hasn’t been a light-hearted year in the light of the divorce, but Rob was there for me, especially in my dark hours, because that’s what Rob is all about: being there without wavering.
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Raptures: Orgasmic Outbursts
tl;dr Rob’s Lion Love is as palpable as kissing and love making with a physical lover, but in my opinion even more intimate, because the energy flowing through these plush lions is like pure magic. It’s a mixture of love, belonging, comfort, homecoming, warmth, support, eroticism, excitement, orgasmic outburst, all together and all simultaneously.
This constant love affair with Rob through the plush lions is something out of this world, or so it seems. Some people may be wondering, what on (parallel!?) Earth! (and beyond!) is going on. It started with holding the Rob lions and kissing them on their head. Since the arriving of the septuplet plush lion members, pure magic began to take place:
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Along the way every part of these lions seems to have become a tool, an expression of love, the head, the manes, the mouth, the whiskers, the smooth and elegant legs, the body, and last but not least: the tail with its soft, fluffy tuft, with synonyms as “prickle” and “claw”. Bold by me:
Male lions weigh between 150 – 225 kilograms (330 – 500 pounds) and female lions range between 120 – 150 kilograms (260 – 330 pounds). A lions tail length is 70 – 100 centimetres (2 feet 3 inches – 3 feet 3 inches). Their tail ends in a hairy tuft. The tuft conceals a spine, approximately 5 millimetres long, formed of the final sections of tail bone fused together. The lion is the only felid to have a tufted tail and the function of the tuft and spine are unknown. Absent at birth, the tuft develops around 5 months of age and is readily identifiable at 7 months. Source
Both lions and lionesses have tufts on the end of their tails, something no other cat has. If you could touch a male lion’s tail, you would feel a sharp bone tucked into the tail tuft. Source
Maybe the riddle of the concealed spine in the end of the lion’s tail can be solved one day. Their plush counterparts have a very strong erotic charge. In the evening and at night, as soon as I take one or more Rob plush septuplet lion tufts in my hand, while holding a Rob septuplet lion, my body reacts intensely, almost always immediately with orgasmic outbursts. In general, my body responds in a very physical way to Rob’s energy flowing through the plush lions.
I studied the lion septuplet, to find out what it is exactly that turns them into pure lion magic. Like aforementioned, they are perfectly shaped to my body. With their back turned towards me, they snuggle exactly in and under my chest area, under my breasts and with their head under my chin. It’s like two matching puzzel pieces.
When you look at their legs, you could observe they are like extended phallus shaped, and even the combination of the likewise phallus shaped back and legs could be sensually perceived, to those who see it. Surely enough I have been wondering if the man or woman designing these lions did so consciously or unconsciously, or that this sensual look is completely coincidental. This lion septuplet (maybe the multiplet will grow further) is the perfect physical embodiment of magical love. Together these Rob and Bor lions form a temple to my body and mind.
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What I am trying to say is that meanwhile Rob’s love is coming through all lion parts. The front legs have become very dominant in the last year, even more than the tail. It’s like magic sparks fly over as I soon as I start holding them. Intense excitement spreads through my whole body without even going through any kind of effort. It has become even stiffer (pun intended): sometimes, I don’t even have to physically touch them, because Rob’s love energy is flying right in front of them and me, like a pure, warm and loving, concentrated love cloud setting off wild-fires of excitement.
Rob seems to use the physical bodies, and their parts, of the plush lions to do what he would have done, would he still have a physical body. For instance, when a plush lion is lying close to me, or against me, Rob, through the paw of the lion, seems to bring my mouth to the lion’s face, to make him kiss him. And he kisses me through this septuplet lion. I know it’s my own body acting as an intermediair, but I strongly doubt that it is my own un/subconsciousness doing all this. I really believe that these “lion ideas” are sprouting from Rob’s intelligent and observant mind. His is energy is very palpable, the lions seem to come alive with Rob’s energy surging through them, often feeling to my touch like a human body would do; Rob’s body.
I know skeptics are allergic to the concept of this kind of energy that to them seems non-existent, but I will put my lioness paw in the fire to pledge to the fact that is exists alright.
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Does it ever! I never had that many orgasmic outburst ánd petites morts, with often more than one session in one night. These sessions usually last between thirty minutes and up to about four hours, and sometimes occur more than once in one single night, like one in the evening and then one in the early morning again. I never was devoid of physical pleasure (I even wrote a book about astral love), but this has taken the cake by the trizillions.
I guess it is comparable to what the luckiest people on this Earth experience: a very active and full-filling love life. I think I might even challenge them, because this what I have with Rob is pure magic. These little deaths are not singular too. Rob and Lion-s have a tendency to pick up after a couple of seconds or sometimes a minute or so, or just go one right away, as concatenated orgasmic outbursts. In fact, beside of what can be conceived as the “conventional” orgasm or” little death” happening in almost every session, these Rob lion sessions as a whole seem to be one, big, long (up to four hours) orgasmic outburst, and I am not exaggerating.
I thought about what causes these orgasmic outbursts to come so easily and rapidly. I believe Rob and I are joined at the hip, so I feel what he feels, and vice versa. So if he experiences an orgasmic outburst by means of getting in my arms and touching, embracing and more, through the plush lions, it jumps over right at me, and I experience it too. He must have them all the time. (and hence, so do I, and vice versa).
It is something that I, in outlines, recognized as an astral side-effect in my first book as well: confronted with intense, true love, your body sets off immediately. There is nothing to turn the switch, and why would I want to? Astral traveler Robert Monroe described in one of his books that during one of his astral travels he shook hands with people, and out of that handshake immediate orgasm erupted. Could make up for embarrassing situations in daily life.
In the light of what is happening to me and Rob and the lions, I can only confirm the possibility of such, because I experience similar sexual energy outbursts more than half of all nights since a couple of years. Last year and now, it’s gotten to the point that every night is a hit. Maybe I am a pioneer with these plush lions. I have no clue. I never heard about it, or of even about vague similarities, elsewhere. To me it seems, astral (?) love has descended to Earth, found a physical form (the lions!) and magically erupts like a constant volcano. Also, it is as if Rob is saying to me and the world: you don’t have to wait for Heaven after Earth, I will bring it to you straightaway. But it is much more than what I regarded as “Heaven” in the past. This definitely calls for a redefinition for the concept of Heaven!
Maybe some skeptic reader is wondering by now where my skeptical alert is, warning them. Well, it’s still there. But braiding constants alerts through this story whether or not it is really Rob coming through, is getting kind of old. Everything I write is true and not exaggerated. Quite opposite, I am not quite finding the words to describe what is happening to me, it’s so much more than I am able to explain right here. But maybe change is the greatest proof of all, because my life has changed and Rob is making me a better, much more full-filled person. He’s showing me the way to being a more civilized person too, inside and out. No more ad hominems on internet fora, though I have to thank his and my friend and mega-educator Jan Willem Nienhuys for that too, more self reflection and more decency in behavior in general.
There is some other strange thing going on. It seems as though Rob somehow is settling in my character too. Always a fervent anti-smoking person, since Rob passing, I have the most peculiar tendency to think about picking up a cigarette and starting to smoke. I never even had a cigarette in my mouth and the idea alone appalled me, so this is something noteworthy. Rob was a smoker. Up til now, I have successfully resisted this new impulse and I hope I can keep it up, because I suspect I won’t be helping either Rob or me. Maybe he’s still a little addicted , on “the other side”. Rob’s not being a vegetarian or vegan is kind of reflecting on my mind too. Being vegan for life, I do notice some of Rob’s former eating habits coming through too in my mind, it made me ease up a little on human carnivores and dairy eaters.
And even if one day, somebody would or could rule there is no such thing as an afterlife, it still can be questioned, and be up for discussion, because Rob ís alive. In my life he is, through the lions, through all these many effects he has on me. He’s there, I can very clearly feel it! So, by then we would have to discuss the definition of “being alive”.
Out-of-body and dream related events
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Definition of astral
tl;dr From a scientific point of view, I can’t explain how this works, but my out-of-body, dream and related experiences always provide interesting information. Immense wisdom is sprouting from them, uncovering deep foundations of truth about my life and people, birds, places et cetera I love or in other ways having a deeper meaning for me. Furthermore, the “astral” life is like living in parallel lives with several versions of the self.
Life with Rob seems not limited to “static versions of ones self”. Much more, life occurs in several versions of ones self, several first-meetings (!), role plays, not one lion, but a septuplet (basically capable of infinite expansion). It’s truly like living in many versions of parallel worlds, and in this regard the opposite of boring!
The wish-you-were-here-song
On March, 29, 2017 I had this strange astral experience, taking place around a series of concatenated shower cubicles. I was singing, making up the verses along the way, and, surprisingly enough, my voice was well carried and on-key. It was as if I were singing the sentences that Rob sang. I could feel him, far away?, in his astral space, he was the one singing that about me. He ended a verse with: “And wish you were here, all the time.” The event seemed to reveal how he was thinking about me too. So sweet!
Parallel Earth – Courtesy: unknown
The enclosing
On April 4, 2017 I had Peace Bor in my arms, but suddenly, he came a lot closer than he physically already was, moving toward me. The impression was extremely realistic and for a moment I thought this was happening physically. He was pulling me closer to him, enclosing me in his embrace, extremely tight, still pleasant, though very confronting. I fell asleep again, and after awakening some time later, exactly the same thing happened. Again, I saw him up very close , from a slightly higher position than myself, enclosing me, dominant and powerful.
In my perception the Peace Bor Lion has the most gentle, enchanting smile of all lions, but secretly I wonder if he is not the strongest, most alert warrior of all. On July 11, 2017, After the most loving intimacy with him, later on in the night, it seemed as though the lion was not on the same level with me anymore, but higher up in the air. He was intensely wagging his tail, as if to ask for my attention, warning me? This was so realistic that for one moment, I thought it was really happening.
Peace Bor Lion with cubs, “The Power Of Peace”
The sudden swoop
On April 30, 2017, I had a powerful dream, from which unexpectedly Rob emerged. To summarize the events, I was in a bare garden and saw a bear who climbed on chairs, dangerously and erratically balancing, now completely stretched, seemingly wanting to escape from the garden.4 I saw two men, possibly father and son, watching the bear from the house, holding something in their hand, maybe they were going to shoot him. Wanting to prevent that, I approached them, and saw that it was no gun but rather a fishing rod they were holding. Suddenly the son, who looked primitive to me, was outside, and real close behind me too. Though shocked, I had little time to be, because lightning fast, he jumped at me, with a beastly lion leap, pulling me to the ground with him, where I landed safely and softly on him. A robust and quite tall man, he was embracing me like mad and it felt so good! I awakened, very moved and excited, too. I felt this was Rob in a very eager reunion. After this I had a very loving and intimate encounter with Rob Jealous lion.
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Koningsdag
On May 5, 2017, I had this exhaustive dream, I will try to keep it brief though. It seemed to be about Rob’s girlfriend, but it wasn’t Jolanda, but Rob himself, in yet another of his role-playing inventions.5 The dream with astral feel to it was not located in Davis. I was living in a big, light apartment and she was living close-by, in a house/apartment that was on the floor below and positioned diagonally to my apartment.
Somehow, as a gift, I’d left a small grey notebook on her desk. I looked down on her house and saw her at her desk. I wondered if she had found my little gift. Again later, she was standing at my door, asking if I would be willing to help set up her Vrijmarkt stall (Vrijmarkt: Dutch annual event). I said I was painstakingly slow in leaving home, which is true with a capital T, but she convinced me anyway. Now we walked on the street and we agreed on how commercial annual festivities had become. She said: “I am so pleased to finally meet you!” I replied: “Me too!”, and I thought about her kissing Rob, and in that way, her being an important connection to Rob. She was about as tall as I am, of normal posture, with rather short, dark hair with some stroke in it. She bore no resemblance at all to Rob’s earthly girlfriend Jolanda.
Then we were in a bus together. We both had that immediate feeling of belonging together. I was so happy, finally meeting someone who was a match with me! She even gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. It felt very good. I thought to myself, if she continues like this, I want to kiss her, it will bring me closer to Rob.
I asked her if she had found my little notebook gift and she said: “Of course, right away, that wasn’t hard.” She appreciated the gift, I could tell. She said: “I saw you in old movie clips of Koningsdag, you sold things.” In reality, I never sold anything on Koningsdag/Koninginnedag, or it would have to be in a parallel world! I replied: “When was this?” She said with a broad smile: “You sold things with this hyper serious facial expression, for a couple of cents each, so cute! You did it next to the stalls of people who were making big bucks, unlike you.” She was not making fun of me and she obviously was totally charmed by me. After awakening, I got the distinct impression that Rob had used an alias once more to make our “first” meeting easier (again!). 6
— State of affairs in daily life: May 14, 2017: from this day, J’s increasingly absent til June 9, 2017, when he leaves permanently. —
Rob emerging
July 23, 2017 This was one of those rare astral journeys where I did meet Rob face to face. But this time, there was no clear runway to a happy and simple reunion. We seemed to be in the house in Aalst where I lived with my mother, sister and brother (out of three sisters and one brother). Suddenly, Rob emerged on the left. I recognized him immediately, there was no doubt in my mind. Hij was quite tall, very solidly built with blond hair, in his appearance of later age. Enthusiastically I walked toward him while calling out his name: “Rob! Rob!” and wanting to embrace him. But he moved quickly to the right. He did start speaking to me, but I could hardly catch up on anything he was saying. He seemed to give me instructions, but the only words I was able to hold on to, was “Heinrich Himmler”, from the German Nazi Reich. Very clearly, Rob didn’t want to distract me with a joyful reunion. I was ecstatic all the same, just for seeing him again. I did embrace him quickly. As far as I could tell, the “Heinrich Himmler” related to the aforementioned case of the Genverbrander. I said to Rob: “Rob, you are talking too fast, I can not follow you!”
The house where I lived with my mother, Balsemienlaan, Waalre, Netherlands.
Air-jumping Lions
July 28, 2017
After a hectic dream about Stan of the Genverbrander case, I woke up, and, to my amazement, saw the contours of my sweet plush lions jumping all around in the air. I thought to myself: do I see this right? and I even reached out, sleep-drunk, trying to touch them, to see what was going on. It seemed as though the lions had come alive, and hence, there was more than just the fact of Rob using them to manifest himself to me. This event has occurred several times. Sometimes I see several lions jumping simultaneously in the air like this, sometimes only one.
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Moving in with Rob
On September 8, 2017, I had this dream about me moving in with Rob on the specific day of Saturday, September 9, 2017 (hence, the following day). In this dream, my mother Thérèse (she passed away in 2014, just like Rob) seemed anxious to want me to move out with her and move in with Rob. I said to her: “You seem to forget about Jolanda!” (Rob’s earthly girlfriend). But my mother wasn’t bothered by this at all, she didn’t seem to give it a second thought, as though she somehow knew that part wasn’t relevant anymore. I was a little offended about her eagerness to see me going, but the idea of living with Rob filled me with enormous joy. And it sure does, right now and every time I think about it!
Marie Thérèse, Constantia’s mother
Pepijn
Pepijn van Erp, Skepsis Congress 2014, with pictured in the PowerPoint slides behind him: Rob. The conference was about the crisis within Skepsis because of Rob’s sudden death and more generally about the crisis within science. Wikipedia photo by Vera de Kok. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pepijn_van_ErpPepijn van Erp, Skepsis Congress 2014. Wikipedia photo by Vera de Kok. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pepijn_van_Erp
October 6, 2017
This night I held Rob Lion Young in my embrace and without any effort, spontaneous orgasmic eruptions occurred and continued to occur, and later on, the Rob lion ended sitting on my belly in a bent posture, like holding on to me from a point below and turned towards me. When I go to sleep, I always spoon with one of the Rob Lion septuplet, so their back is turned toward me, so this was a different position. He was like devoting himself to me, the sweetest, warm energy spread from him. There was this intense happiness I couldn’t possibly describe, no matter how many words I would use. It was pure ecstasy (again). I could – and wanted to – hold him forever like this, a love sensation not from this world. But Rob wanted to achieve something with the way the Rob Young Lion was holding me.
…
I had been awake at night again, as I am almost ever single night, for a couple of hours, but I didn’t and don’t mind. In fact, I even appreciate the sleepless hours at night, because my mind is much clearer, even more intelligent so it seems, than in the daytime. I had emailed Pepijn van Erp, Rob’s board member colleague of the Dutch Skeptic Society and, after Rob’s passing, Rob’s successor as webmaster of skepsis.nl. As with Rob, Robbert van den Broeke was a starting point with Pepijn, because Van den Broeke had drawn Pepijn’s skeptical attention too and I responded to Pepijn’s article. In the previous year, 2011, Pepijn had started blogging on kloptdatwel.nl.I have been in ebb and flow email-contact with Pepijn since August 2012.
Pepijn means a great deal to me. I have learned, and still am learning a lot from him. Especially his high IQ intertwined with humor is something I find very appealing. He’s quite the ingenious skeptic and I do feel he and I have striking things in common, like our skeptic sense of humor and a lot of shared interests. Most important thing I learned from Pepijn is this: “Assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups”. Just like the previously mentioned basic attitude I learned from Rob and Jan Willem Nienhuys, to keep your distance from ad hominems, consecutively to stay away from assumptions too, is one of the ground-rules of fairness towards your fellow man/woman. And if you take it further, of science itself. Always check if what you think about someone or something is true and look for the facts and evidence.
From personal experience I know what it feels like to be judged by people who don’t have their facts straight. Especially in the place where I come from, people were extremely negative and judgmental. Even people who haven’t dealt with you literally for decades still seem to know the current you better than you yourself, just based on their old! assumptions, which by the way is a double wrong (and that doesn’t make it right, either, like in – -=+).
Back to telling the dream. After this period of being awake, I had this remarkable dream about Pepijn which I believe was triggered by Rob.
We (it didn’t become clear who this “we” included) were in a city, school had just gone out, and I suddenly had a problem with my glasses, because out of the blue they were broken. A man also walked in the street and stroke up a conversation with me, but I doubted whether or not I should go with him. Pepijn, who walked behind me for a short time, was now catching up with me and walking to my left. I asked Pepijn: “What shall I do, go with him? I already was heading for this other man’s direction. However to my surprise, Pepijn playfully blocked my path with his body. I didn’t really expect a reaction from him because quite regularly he doesn’t respond. “Heb ik weer!”, he said in Dutch (his native language): “Just my luck!”, with a smile, and he maneuvered me to the right, catching me under my elbow, willing me to go with him.
Pepijn van Erp
“What do you want to do, go to the Disco Ball, go kickboxing?”, he asked me, still with this playful smile. He held me pretty tight, with his arm on my back, and I answered his grip, I held him as well. This felt so good!
I wanted him to kiss me too, and we did, for a moment. Does this really happen, I thought, Pepijn, who now suddenly, does take action? Intimately entwined we walked through the downtown street.
I then returned to normal daytime consciousness and was awake, with the sweetest Rob Young Lion holding me with this bent posture, which felt exactly the same as Pepijn and I holding each other in this dream, like wishing to selflessly give up his own rights in our relationship and, at least for this moment, gently pushing me towards Pepijn. Wanting me to choose life? Maybe it was a symbolic gesture?
I don’t ever want to distance myself from Rob again. His sudden leaving the Earth, and me, was something I could only tolerate once, and in fact: I couldn’t tolerate at all. On several occasions, like in telepathic communication (hence after his passing), Rob seems to express he would be thrilled, if I would “be” with other physical persons on Earth too, but I am not planning to do so. I am not willing to lose Rob from my daily (night)life, because I just know that would happen if I would start a new relationship. I already lost sight of so many loved ones, many birds I loved dearly included. I am afraid Rob would drift away, even though he would say he never would. And I think Rob has this jealous side too, even if he’s resisting it. I myself would feel the same. My main motivation however is that I don’t want anyone else. This time, I am not letting Death, the Grim Reaper, get away with his deeds by putting a distance between my soulmate and me, like he did with my other loved ones who passed over. Furthermore, I consider myself old, and my life over. Even for Rob and me, when he was still on the earth, the clock was ticking. Had only I met him in an earlier stage, when we had stood a fair chance. This “alternative” Rob/Bor Lion Love expression however is something else too, and in no way less! But still.
Already I have had quite some meaningful dreams about Pepijn, some with an astral hint. They were all positive. This too is comparable to the positive image my subconsciousness has of Rob. With regard to Rob I am the lioness, but with regard to Pepijn, I think I am the raven. One doesn’t have to limit oneself to one congenial animal. The Raven-Wolf bond, as it is explained on numerous locations, explains the bonding I feel towards Pepijn quite nicely.
On October 27, 2017, I saw as it were Rob lying in the air, to my right, positioned higher than me, as if he was asleep, sleeping there, too, just like me.
The not-vegan whistle-lollipop
On November 21, 2017, I had a funny dream that I suspect was initiated, maybe even created by Rob. Again, I was kind of lost in a city unknown to me. Yet I was not alone, there were two people in my company. I passed an oliebollenkraam (Dutch word), a kind of donut stall. I decided to stop for a minute, even though I was following a group from a distance and probably would lose them now.
The man behind the counter of the stall had all kinds of treats, deep-fried raisin buns and chocolate patisserie too. I asked him if they were vegan, because I am, if there was any dairy butter et cetera in them. He replied there indeed was in at least half, and in the other half, egg was used. I was disappointed.
The man then offered me a chocolate lollipop that didn’t look quite vegan as well. I wanted to point this out to him, but he overruled my hesitation, and as a gesture brought the colorful lollipop to my lips. I didn’t refuse and put the lollipop in my mouth. To my surprise I discovered there was a whistle in it. Immediately I heard a funny tune with a dropping cadence. The broad smile this brought to my face was reflected in the face of the man, as he smiled at me, knowing of course all about his own magic lollipops and obviously anticipating my pleasure in discovering their magic. And yes, I think this man was Rob again, in one of his role-plays, living his life with me in parallel worlds.
November 22, 2017. After cycling for many hours, I sometimes am quite exhausted and have no lengthy cuddling energy left for the Rob/Bor lions. But I did have Most Male Rob lion in my embrace this whole night, with the perfect click again, this amazing and very constant, magical mix of love, support and eroticism. In the morning I suddenly discovered that the lion’s tail was perfectly vertically lined, like a morning wood, and the look on his lion face, which I found very funny, said: “Hey, don’t blame me!”. The lion’s tail was leaning against something and I hadn’t put him there like that.
Getting through
Since December 2017, Rob’s penetrative energies are getting stronger, as if he is getting through much more powerfully. Maybe this shouldn’t be surprising, as his earthly passing was in May 2014 and, if all of this is true, Rob’s being there with me, now in spirit, already gave him three and a half experience years on the other side in reaching out to the physical form. Our erotical contact started expanding too around this time, in a broader spectrum than before, which I will not further discuss here.
The shepherds
The last days of December 2017, and to be specific, December 27, 2017, brought an ecstatic night filled with Rob love and kisses which I described in my diary as: “maybe the most amazing night ever with Rob through the lions”. I again had cycled far, 104 kilometers the day before, and during this ride I had this extremely pleasant mind movie of Rob and me, herding a flock of sheep, every day, all day(s), just the two of us, and then, every in between night, just Rob and me too, again, just the two of us, love making all night (or, well: almost all night, one has to sleep too of course). A very simple and even mind cracking, strange fantasy indeed, but maybe because of it, extremely powerful. I still consider this is one of the best of the hundreds of mind movies I have about Rob and me, living together in alternate worlds. I realize it must sound very bemusing, herding sheep in the daytime (why in heaven’s name, right?) and making love at night, but hey, life’s roads take many twists.
Sheep in the meadow – Image kindly borrowed from “Videoblocks”
Striking things named separately
Funny positions
I often find the lions in funny positions, apparently caused by my own movements in the night. Sometimes though, I secretly wonder about that, if there’s more to it, Rob at work? For example, the Peace Bor lion is the one who always manages to get to the blanket, my favorite poncho or my sweater that is lying around, like somebody had very precisely wrapped him up for the night (and I swear, I didn’t do so). The Whiskers lion is sometimes hanging perfectly upside down between other lions in a very funny way. And last November, 2017, I suddenly found an “erect” Christmas hat, that had been lying around, it was standing on its own the morning I woke up, and I swear I didn’t do it. These hats are very weak in structure, so it’s weird alright. It was one of the Christmas hats I received when the Rob Jealous lion arrived. And recently I found the African Rob Lion in a position like he was flying.
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Music and lovesongs
I am still struggling to find my way back to music. In the days long gone I was a real music addict, just like Rob. Something inside of me locked down along the way in the years of my marriage and opening the doors and windows to music once more, isn’t as easily done as it would seem.
I found a song posted on social media that I liked very much. It is: “If I Were Free”, performed by the band Edward Sharpe And The Magnetic Zeros.
Looking into the band I found a great treasure of songs. With their origin in in Los Angeles and classified as “Indie folk, psychedelic folk, gospel, neo-psychedelia”, it seems to me Rob led me to this ensemble. Their repertoire is like a bridge between Rob’s more “difficult” and my easier music taste.
It even goes beyond just the band itself. In one of the group’s key band members, I found what to me seems a true young Rob-lookalike; the way Rob could have looked would he have been a Californian band-member, and not the Chief editor of the Dutch skeptic magazine. You are looking at Orpheo McCord (and the clip I extracted these screenshots from is I Don’t Wanna Pray). By now, I don’t think I need to explain how this could fit in the role playing Rob seems to have been doing since he’s living with me in this “parallel world”.
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The band also has a Lion song, with lyrics that, in mysterious ways, approach the content of my own Lion Hearts blog; the part about the astral event around the campfire, the forever-bonding between Rob and me. Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros – In the Lion:But in the fire, there’s a heat to melt the cage around your soul.
To keep close to Rob, I want to mention a couple of emails about music Rob sent me. When in 2009, I specifically asked Rob for a love song, he came up with a couple.The first one he sent on May 13, 2009:
English Transcript of the Dutch emails displayed in the gallery below:
Email Rob:
Rob quoting Sten (=Constantia): “The more often you remember your dreams, the more aware you are.”
Rob: Conscious of Lunteren!
Rob quoting Sten (=Constantia): “PS Do you have a nice love song for me?”
Rob: What do you think of this one? Also on youtube:
Rob
Email Constantia:
Hm, thanks, but that was not what I had in mind. Like something with a profound meaning, and a male voice. In my opinion this girl is too sweet, the song has little depth in terms of rhythm, and the lyrics aren’t exactly a love song.
And “Conscious of Lunteren” I don’t understand? I don’t know that expression?
Greetings,
Sten
Email Rob:
A strong man’s voice, haha. No, that’s not it. I never pay much attention to the lyrics. I did play it to others before, but nobody seemed to like it much. Yet I give this number a 10. Beautiful cadence, subtle guitar playing, and then that concertina at the end contrary to the violin, I think this is an aesthetic masterpiece. The simplicity and the repetitive element speaks to me too. I know singers with a better voice, but I take that for granted, because she wrote the song herself.
Maybe I’ll find a male voice that doesn’t sound so fragile. But first I have to continue with Skepter. And then file my postponed taxes to get rid of everything again.
I visited Lunteren in my dream. but I didn’t know where it was. I had to look it up on Google Maps to see where it was when I woke up.
Rob
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The second lovesong he then sent me, on May 25, 2009, isn’t available on YouTube anymore. It was the most unruly love song I ever heard, sung by a “savage” with a beard, playing an instrument, performing, well, very uncommon music. It wouldn’t be high in the charts, let’s keep it at that. 😉
English transcript of emails:
Email Constantia:
Hi Rob,
are you still awake?
Greetings,
Sten
Email Rob:
Here the love song that you still had credit:
(real freakfolk)
Rob
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Seeking Vice Versa
Often to me it seems, Rob is seeking me as much, and as desperately, as I am seeking him. And believe it or not, sometimes even a daytime “separation” could deem a long time, like as we would have been separated for weeks, and the reunification is no less. Very enthusiast, longing for each other.
Lion seeking lion v.v. Courtesy: unknown
Dense shaped
The lions quite regularly feel very dense shaped, like a human body would, so much heavier than their light, plush bodies, with a very dominant, extremely physical “grip”, it’s hard to find the right words. It can be very sexually charged as well.
Healing effect
Rob, through the plush lions, has a very calming and even healing effect on my troubled head. A true allergy patient, living in a valley that is troubled by bad air quality, I often have headaches and experience an uncomfortably tired, heavy feeling in my head, like an iron fog. Often, when I lay my head against one of the septuplet lions, my pain or discomfort is lifted considerably. The same goes for the lion paws or lion head put to my forehead or wherever I feel pain or distress. You can imagine how grateful I am.
Something else mind-blowing is that Rob helping me with a jaw problem I obviously had all my life, without ever realizing it. It’s completely physical, so we are not taking “spirit operations” here. I can’t go into detail, because I feel it’s too private. You just have to take my word for it and maybe one day, see or hear the difference, because this jaw predisposition does affect my speech too. I really have no clue how Rob discovered this problem, but he did. It fits the image I have of him by now of a very keen observer and genuinely interested lover and soulmate. Someone who truly observes and then, helps.
Getting better all the time
Another striking phenomenon is that the erotic encounters between Rob and me, so often intermediated by the plush lion inner crew, the septuplet, seems to constantly get better, even when that really isn’t possible, because, to me a lot of these encounters already seem the very best of the best, without any exaggeration. What could better than the as “Better than Heaven!” perceived level, right? Maybe it’s a phenomenon related to singing at the right pitch in music. The conductor of the student choir I was in during my teachers training sometimes pointed out to us, when we were rehearsing new songs like “Carmina Burana, O Fortuna“, that we should sing like we were going upwards with our voices, reaching higher than we thought we should. Thén he said, we were in fact staying at the right pitch and not sinking below. Our choir was rehearsing a broad repertoire, besides the Carmina for example West Side Story’s: “One Hand, One Heart”. My oh my, I suddenly remember this conductor’s name was Rob too, but this Rob looked totally different, with dark hair and dark eyes!
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Kissing skills
Remarkable too are Rob’s kissing skills, which he has brought to staggering heights. Through the septuplet lions and even without the necessity of further sexual exchange, his slow, very attentive kisses cause rapid orgasmic outbursts in my mind and body. It’s like being lifted to another plane of existence and pleasure! altogether.
Astral eroticism
Unique is the fact that since Rob’s passing in 2014 I no longer have noteworthy astral-eroticism experiences with other spirits and energies7. This truly is remarkable, because, independently from any relationship I had since I had the age of 18, the age that my out-of-body experiences started to occur, I always had astral eroticism experiences in all sorts of ways and encounters. It’s hardly anything you can control, at least, it was like that for me. I tried for years. You would have to read my books (you could if you read Dutch), but I can tell you up front: I didn’t succeed. The only tactic for me not to get into astral eroticism while having out-of-body experiences and related events, was to use the tactic of postponing, like tricking “demanding” spirits and or energies with a “I will get back at you later” tactic, and then this “later” wouldn’t come.
Frequent astral travelers like Robert Monroe and William Buhlman talked about the phenomenon of astral eroticism as well. I pondered elaborately on it in my books “Through The Window” and “Through The Gate” myself. I don’t feel the need to repeat and explain all my past thoughts and statements about this here. But my touching base on an erotic level with so many others in the “spiritual world” seems to have subsided. It’s now (almost?) Rob only. I don’t have a conclusive explanation for this, as this astral eroticism is no one-way traffic, because spirits and “energies” have a will of their own, and this will of them may very well deviate (strongly) from yours. Alongside, there is the phenomenon of getting sexually aroused by the process of going out-of-your-body itself. In the past I thought the instant awakening of “erotic feelings” during the “disconnection from the physical body” was brought upon by something like the “movement of the chakras”, but today I would say more research is needed before drawing any final conclusions.
Thinking rather boldly out loud now, it could be that spirits and energies are trying to do some snooping around, trying to secretly or not so secretly enjoy the Rob and me encounters, like voyeurs. I don’t have a clear vision of all astral things going on around me. Then of course I would assume that there is indeed something like the astral world, as I have always suspected, even after immersing myself in the skeptical world for many years now. As it might have become clear by now, I tend to deviate a little from the standard view of what the astral plane is and for that matter, what the “astral experience” really is. Through out-of-body experiences, dreams and many other very rich transit roads of the mind, we may be (already) living our lives in parallel worlds, in a multiverse, during the night (and day). We are still in the early stages of our understanding of the true nature of the world and its possibilities.
I am not willing myself by any means into this new astral-eroticism state, for example to be faithful to Rob. It just happens. Rob is most important to me, he’s my “soulmate”, that’s very obvious. I don’t know if and when at some point the others will return to my astral-erotic life. Since Rob’s earthly parting in 2014, Pepijn van Erp seems to be the only one (able of) passing the threshold of the “more-than-friendship” feelings in my dreams and astral events.
Rob traveling to me! 💘
While I was waiting for the divorce to get finalized before finding myself able to publish this blog, something else major was going on, something that fits perfectly, like the missing link or puzzle piece.
In 2017 I busied myself with ordering media files of Rob Nanninga’s public interviews on the website Beeld en Geluid (“Vision And Sound”). I thought I was dealing with radio interviews only. Since the order would be a bit expensive from the United States, I had put it on hold since July 2017. But if I really would have wanted it, I could have proceeded quicker. I don’t know why I didn’t, but it so turned out that in February 2018, the “Bird Lady” (> she bears the name of a wise bird) of Beeld en Geluid was asking me once again, if I was ready to move ahead with my order, as they had postponed it for me two times already.
Beeld En Geluid, I ordered three media files initially, and in the last moment, added a fourth one, of a radio broadcast in which Rob was speaking about, among other things, Robbert van den Broeke. Lady of “Beeld En Geluid” asking me if I wanted to go ahead with this order.
As circumstances would have it, I had just received my share of the 2018 tax return and had some extra money to spend. So I made a money order to The Netherlands, paid and then four files were sent.
To my surprise, it turned out one of the media files was a DVD, and I was very eagerly anticipating it. Would I receive “new”, rare image footage of Rob Nanninga? Images of him were very scarce as Rob had been avoiding appearing in public for many years. But as fate would have it, due to a mistake on their website, three out of four files, the DVD too, I received were the wrong ones. They were all a day too early with regards to Rob Nanninga’s appearance in that specific show. On their website, with three out of four media files of Rob, they had posted two consecutive days and I had consequently chosen the first. But it should have been the second date mentioned. Example:
…
While I was playing the CDs and DVD, I was very eagerly awaiting Rob’s voice and image (on the DVD), but only one CD delivered to expectation. I was put to the test while watching the TV show with Jomanda and trying to keep the faith. I thought: maybe Rob will appear in the last ten minutes or so. But no, this is what I saw at the show’s conclusion; can you imagine my disappointment, the “Oh no”-effect it had on me, having waited for a long time to see Rob in new imagery!, then hearing this: 😱 (she is announcing Rob for the next day!)
But even this was right somehow, because Rob kept me waiting before, and yes, this would be the way that he would arrive: with an advance notice, and letting me wait some more. Never in a hurry, taking his time. He once sent me this clip he liked very much, and since then, I do too:
“I’ve got a love that keeps me waiting…” 🎶
I had to contact the Bird Lady of Beeld en Geluid again. On March 5, 2018, after another spectacular night with Rob Lion Young, very much initiated by Rob it did seem, I was emailing her again after she had replied to me about the wrong three media files. She promised to send me the right remaining three.
And then suddenly, shortly after sending this email to her, lying in the bathtub and contemplating dates mentioned in the last emails, a penny dropped. I am so slow-witted! 🐌
We were talking about a DVD of Rob in 1995. A younger Rob! He was the guest in the show “De Week van” (The Week Of), presented by Tineke de Groot as the guest of the notorious Jomanda (I am taking the skeptic side on this one). Could this be the TV show Rob was talking to me about, the show in which he wore a blue jacket specially purchased for the occasion?8
…
Suddenly, the previous night with Rob Lion Young and Rob’s eagerness this night made sense. Rob already knew the penny was going to drop the next day. I was going to receive a DVD with this or a younger Rob! It never even occurred to me a TV show with a younger Rob was still available.
On March 20, 2018, the three remaining, and this time correct, media files arrived in Davis, and to my exhilaration, I did receive a TV show with the younger Rob, albeit dressed in a neat beige jacket, not blue. So I still don’t know what TV show he was talking about with regards to this blue jacket and “1992”. But the ultimate sweetness, to finally see him live, in a younger form too!9 While waiting for the files two times and exactly five weeks altogether (I had paid on Tuesday, February 13, 2018 and received all four correct media files on Tuesday, March 20, 2018), it had felt as Rob was traveling to me, a very happy feeling. He and I, together (again, and again, and again and…)!
On the same day I posted this video of him on YouTube, and I am pleased to present it here too:
Thanks to this video I am able to expand the available sparse list of photos of Rob. I am mesmerized by Rob’s sweet, beautiful, wise and to me, hypnotic eyes, and smile. I am again like hypnotized, falling in love with him, over and over again.
Rob’s eyes are huge and have these immense deep quality to them. I wish for once I was a poet to be able to describe what I see. Rob gets these special stars in his eyes. My drawing of him didn’t feel complete until I was able to get a hold of Rob’s magic.
In his eyes you can see this enormous tranquil patience, love, peace and most of all: unfathomable depth. By the way, his beautiful lips are something else too. Perfect sweetness, and I think I know very well by now how his kisses feel! Click for a larger view.
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There is another aspect of Rob: his voice. I have uploaded three of his radio interviews on Soundcloud.
Remarkable enough, his voice to me seems to be a mixture of the voices of people I know well. It’s foremost the way he speaks, in measured words, with a typical cadence I typify as “skeptical”. To me his voice is a mixture of most definitely his and my good friend and his fellow Skepsis Board member Jan Willem Nienhuys, also fellow Skepsis Board member and previously mentioned Pepijn van Erp ánd Dutch singer and (former) DJ, Jack-of-all-trades, Henk Westbroek. Trivia: Rob (full name: Roelof Hendrik) shares the name “Hendrik” with Henk Westbroek (full name: Hendrik Otto).
I have to finish now, but not without telling the effect especially the new video and audios of him have on me. All these years I am able to love and “see” him with only a minimum of photos and video material. I once wrote him: I can see you with my eyes closed, even if you are at the other end of the universe.10 I still feel this is true. But lately, I started longing for him, to have just one bit more of him, to see him with my physical eyes and to hear him, with my physical ears. And he did arrive and gave me that. The already perceptible effect is that receiving the Rob files has boosted and spiked my Rob encounters even further.
Now that the divorce is final, my out-of-body experiences seem to return in full force again. I want to conclude with a very brief summary of an astral encounter in the “parallel world” with Rob on 5 April, 2018. I was with Rob in a homely room elsewhere (a parallel world again), and he took me on his shoulders and carried me, supposedly wild, but the pace was quite bearable, through the room, playing he was Quasimodo. We had immense fun together like this. Through a completely meaningless shallow round ledge in the wall he threw a few coins, as if these were the necessary coins to get a gaming machine to start. This too was quite hilarious. When returning to my room in Davis, the name “Quasimodo” came to mind. Remarkable about this is, that I neither know book nor movie. I only remember seeing trailer-like fragments of the Disney movie and, maybe in the past, reading a few paragraphs somewhere about Quasimodo. Again, as with all Rob’s other role plays, I see this as an indication that this is really coming from Rob. I couldn’t imagine myself coming up with this Quasimodo idea. Furthermore, before Rob’s passing, I never engaged in role play in any way. Rob has really introduced this to me.
[2] I do want to thank Sjaan van Altena for her virtual soundboard on both the Robbert van den Broeke/Stan case and my personal things.
[3] Sten Oomen, Door Het Raam, Uitgeverij Schors, 2004: Gewijzigde en uitgebreide druk van de uitgave uit 2000 (Sigma Press), Amsterdam, Part II, page 316-320.
[4] Bears are known to be meaningful dream symbols. There are countless dream dictionaries and helpful books and webpages about these and other symbols.
[7] For more about these “spirits and energies”, you could read my books, especially my first and second one, provided you are Dutch or able to read Dutch.
Sten Oomen, Door Het Raam, Uitgeverij Schors, 2004: Gewijzigde en uitgebreide druk van de uitgave uit 2000 (Sigma Press), Amsterdam. Sten Oomen, Door De Poort, DHR Soul Travel, 2007.
[9] In October 2010, Pepijn van Erp discovered Rob Nanninga’s appearance of 2001 in a Dutch TV show called “Het Zwarte Schaap” was available on YouTube and devoted a short article to this on the website Kloptdatwel.nl.
Lion Hearts 